The travelling Parents

Parental influence on children in the first 12 years of their lives have a permanent effect. Unfortunately, children come with no user manual. Each child is different from the other. Discuss how to handle emotional and educational needs of your child here.

The travelling Parents

Postby soursop » Fri Jan 28, 2011 10:45 am

Hi,

I know that finding the time to spend and nurture your child is already hard enough when we are all full time working parents. What's more when one parent has to travel 40 % of the time for business. To add to it, the other parent is working overseas and only comes home every 3 months or so. How does one cope? I'm starting this thread to see if there's any parent that has the same situation as me.

What strategies do you adopt? How do you feel and what struggles do you face? How do your children behave? Are you worried about the bonding...

I know it is very tough for me and sometime difficult to keep sane...

If you've got something to share please do!!! :D

soursop
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Postby Alex001 » Fri Jan 28, 2011 10:20 pm

My parents (I'm 12) used to go out on vacations every two to three months. This was quite evident in 2009. But nowadays, they stay at home or go out to simply play mahjong or eat.

Alex001
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Postby briskcross » Sun Jan 30, 2011 6:00 pm

Well, many years ago, I gave up my job. My husband runs a family business and has to travel several times a year. My job then required long hours and occasional travel. I was constantly torn apart, especially when my son fell sick and I couldn't take more than a day off to nurse him. I decided that I could live with not having a flying career but I couldn't live with not being there for my kids and husband. I prayed about it, got a positive confirmation and resigned, even though I had just got a big promotion. Older friends have shared that we only have a limited number of years to bond with our kids and if we miss that, we miss that.

briskcross
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Postby monmon31 » Sun Jan 30, 2011 7:52 pm

briskcross wrote:Well, many years ago, I gave up my job. My husband runs a family business and has to travel several times a year. My job then required long hours and occasional travel. I was constantly torn apart, especially when my son fell sick and I couldn't take more than a day off to nurse him. I decided that I could live with not having a flying career but I couldn't live with not being there for my kids and husband. I prayed about it, got a positive confirmation and resigned, even though I had just got a big promotion. Older friends have shared that we only have a limited number of years to bond with our kids and if we miss that, we miss that.


I salute u for daring to take the bold step, I am too timid.

I m a traveling mum up to 40-50%' but when in town I rush home by 730pm to hv dinner and spend the rest of evening w my DS until 10 pm. My hubby's does not come home until 9+ - 10. To make up for lost time in office, I go to office early the nxt day to catch up. Worst, I take a shorter lunch.

During the weekends, my blackberry gets stow in the drawer otherwise it will consume me. On Fridays, I leave at 5 pm sharp - my family time. Even when my DS has swimming lessons, I will be in the pool to show my support rather than sit down at the side.

When overseas, I call back everyday to check on him. Sometimes, he don't talk much bcos he is distracted by TV. But I m secretly glad, cos at least I know he is not missing me too much to make me feel guilty leaving him at home.

It's hard to make a decision to quit ot stay. But sometimes, we hv commitments that does not allow us to stop working. Being w worrier, I m worried what will happen if one day the breadwinner gets the boot.

To that I also like to have the independence of spending the $ I make on what I like. Don't really like the idea of asking for $ and having to 'Kan nian se'.

monmon31
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Re: The travelling Parents

Postby JRLam » Sun Jan 30, 2011 8:21 pm

soursop wrote:Hi,

I know that finding the time to spend and nurture your child is already hard enough when we are all full time working parents. What's more when one parent has to travel 40 % of the time for business. To add to it, the other parent is working overseas and only comes home every 3 months or so. How does one cope? I'm starting this thread to see if there's any parent that has the same situation as me.

What strategies do you adopt? How do you feel and what struggles do you face? How do your children behave? Are you worried about the bonding...

I know it is very tough for me and sometime difficult to keep sane...

If you've got something to share please do!!! :D


Hi Soursop,

Haha, I like to eat soursop too ....in case that's why u name yourself that :wink:

I used to travel every other week, if not every week for a 2-4 days trip in my previous corporate job. I decided it had to stop, coz I hate to leave the house with my kids crying. All my flights schedules were deliberately planned to be last-flight-in (to reach the destination country), and 1st-flight-out (to return to SIN!). I was traveling for almost 7 yrs, until it came to the point that I hate the sight of Changi airport! Haha, I associated Changi airport as 'to-leave-my-kids', when everyone likes it coz it is associated with happy memories of traveling/holidaying!

Just before my son turned P2, when my younger daughter was closer to my maid than me (even though I looked after her after work, albeit with a tired body and mind), I quitted and started my own business which was 100% local-based. 1.5 yrs later, I was back to corporate world, which I think is where I should belong, but downgraded to a lower-rank job, that requires minimum traveling. It is definitely less challenging, less fulfilling, lower monetary rewards, but at least I am less guilty now.

Unless you have very good family support, ie a very hands-on husband or extremely supportive and capable parents/in-laws (not maid hor!), I seriously don't think any woman can juggle a job that requires frequent flying, with a family of young kids. Something has to go.

JRLam
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Re: The travelling Parents

Postby pupilview » Sun Jan 30, 2011 9:14 pm

soursop wrote:Hi,

I know that finding the time to spend and nurture your child is already hard enough when we are all full time working parents. What's more when one parent has to travel 40 % of the time for business. To add to it, the other parent is working overseas and only comes home every 3 months or so. How does one cope? I'm starting this thread to see if there's any parent that has the same situation as me.

What strategies do you adopt? How do you feel and what struggles do you face? How do your children behave? Are you worried about the bonding...

I know it is very tough for me and sometime difficult to keep sane...

If you've got something to share please do!!! :D


Same here.Hubby travels all the time. I am also working full time but now I try to avoid overseas travel. Let my colleagues travel - I stay back.However I got help from my MIL who spends most of the time with us.I have a maid who helps to take care of my 3rd child who is just a year old.At times,it is stressfull especially when kids fall sick.When I come back home in the evening and see their warm smile and get their hugs -I start behaving like them too :lol:
Hubby uses Skype to be in touch all the time.Sometimes he teaches the elder one through Skype.We are now quite used to it.The middle one and the younger one need my attention more.MIL will help when I am not around.

pupilview
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Postby cherrygal » Tue Feb 01, 2011 2:56 am

Just my 2 cents... there's nothing difficult about the decision. It all boils down to your choices. Really, the more you earn, the more you spend.

Remember, work is just work. Don't sacrifice your family for work. The kids and the spouse are the people who will stand by you when you are old. I don't think we can depend on our company, colleagues and bosses when we are past retirement age.

In fact, I read somewhere that we should all aim to earn S$100K per annum at most. Any more than that, the work commitments will be too much to handle and we would be expected to sacrifice time with our loved ones.

Being away from the kids may not affect them much when they are little but the effects can be seen in their teens.

cherrygal
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Postby Brainkid » Tue Feb 01, 2011 9:55 pm

I have a travelling Dh as well. On top of that,I used to travel often as well. Before pregnancy w my first child,it was like 50% out town. It came to a point my dh and I only meet 1-2 days a month, house was practically empty. When I was pregnant, I was given a big jump in promotion but requires extensive travelling across continent. That was the time I made a tough choice to give up work for the one that is coming out. When I return to work after delivery, work was less challenging as I had given up the promotion many in the company dreamt of.

There are times I wished to go back to my travelling life as it was carefree but mother instinct told me to stay put. I quit my job eventually for one that requires travelling thou much less. But I resign again when it was near to my next travel assignment. Sometimes I feel I have to succumb to my child needs ( he is very sticky w me) and I dread it. But on recalling the decision, I think I did not make a wrong move.

Someone once told me.. Life is short.. Money is always there for u if u work hard for it.. But growing up w a child is one time. You missed it and that is it. Working hard for a child in the later stage of life will not bring back lost times...

Brainkid
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Postby toddles » Wed Feb 02, 2011 10:39 am

Agree that something has to give. Already having one out-of-town parent is nto optimal, but having two... really feel a bit sad for the kid.

I used to travel very often, once every 1-2 months in my first job. Although it's interesting to go to far flung places, i knew this was not the life i wanted when i settled down. So changed jobs to one that doesn't require travel.

And when opportunities for travel arise, always happy to palm it off to colleagues, esp younger colleagues who have few family commitments.

this won't be possible for everyone, and everyone has a different situation, different financial obligations, but think about it, and do what works for you.

toddles
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