Pls help! - My gal seems to have split personalities

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Pls help! - My gal seems to have split personalities

Postby anxiousmummy123 » Sat Feb 07, 2009 11:37 pm

My 5yr + gal seems to have split personalities. She behave herself & v well like by teachers & frds in sch but she behave differently when she's at home.
At home or outdoor: she'll be cranky most of the time, bathe with so much noise, cant get along with maid, refuse to do her homework or any reading or revisions, v impatient, hyperactive, short attention span, cant wait for her turn, dont listen to instructions, top of her voice most of the times, no respect & etc... (not even scare of cane, v rebellious)

At sch: v helpful, gentle, does her work when told, bathe with no noise, take turns, do things independently, does her wrk neatly & properly, respect teachers (in fact, just short attention span & talkative)

Anyone can help? BTW besides this problem, I suspect my gal with learning disabilities like dylesxia or ADHD. What should I do or where do get help? :?:

anxiousmummy123
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Hope to get more sharing to help...

Postby buds » Sun Feb 08, 2009 3:54 pm

Heyya anxiousmummy123,

Care to share your thoughts on why you think your gal might
be dyslexic or suffering from ADHD, apart from your observation
of her short attentin span?

And when you mention hyper, what wud your 5-yr old be doing at
home to indicate her hyperactivity?

Just thought to have a bigger picture to understand your problem
better before jumping to conclusions..

The school your gal is attending, childcare or kindergarten?

buds
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Postby anxiousmummy123 » Mon Feb 09, 2009 1:15 am

Hi,

my gal is in cc suggested by my bb doc aft I spoke to her abt my gal's condition when i ask her is my gal ADHD? She doesnt tink tat my gal has ADHD. Just suggested tat we switch her fm kindy 2 cc as its more discipline & organise. She commented tat my gal is lack of discipline as my maid cant ctrl her at hm & maid had neglected her as she's oso caring for my 2yo son. Oso commented tat my gal is searching for my knowledge as brain grows.

She behaved differently at hm: She cant bathe on her own w/o any noise & when maid helped her, there's bound to be screams or shouts fm her. She'll smetimes scream when maid is tying her hair(either complained tat maid pulled her hair or is tying it 2 tight), comb her hair & she'll throw tantrums when it dangled. Eat with mess or walking abt. Not serious when doing her hmwrk, she'll just scribbled or stared blankly. When u ask her to try, she'll keep saying "i dont know" w/o trying. Refused to read or do accessments. When reading, dont know is it careless or bo chap, eg: "then" will be read as "the" or either skip a word or insert a word. Had been on phonics enrichment class but phonics is still weak. Nt gd at hearing sounds nt to mention blending. Cant visualise well. She can spell the word "baby" but when tested, she wrote "dady" instead. She's always throwing tantrums & on top of her voices. Seems to like wat her bro is playing or shall says she envy her bro with no hmwrk as she oso likes to laz ard.

There are times when my maid called to say my gal kept touching her butt & laughing hysterically even when scolded by my maid. She dont listen to maid's instruction though this is the same maid that had been looking after her since she's born. My gal is getting worse in terms of character & behaviour at hm ever since the birth of my son. I wondered y is she loggerheads with the maid ever since. Cld it be bcos my maid had divert most of her attention to my son as my son is more obedient as his character is mre tamed than my gal?

Recently I do sme checks with the cc in chg, they dont suspect her of any learning disability. She showed me sme of her wrksheets done in sch, surprisingly her handwriting is so much better than those written at hm. She seems to understand most of her work. Teachers says she can coped v well n does her wrk independently. Teachers agreed that her attention span is shorter than others & she's a bit talkative tats y teachers will arrange for her to sit in front. She can follow instructions & oso get along well with the others. She bathe on her own & dress herself w/o any noise. Teacher tied & combed her hair and there's no scream or complain fm her. She take turns in cc & have her group of frds. She speak softly to evyone in cc and never cranky even though she dont nap during nap time when the rest are zz... She's really soft spoken at cc, even to me when she normally dont at hm. She wait for her turn to talk to me patiently at cc but if its at hm, she'll interrupt & throw tantrums by throwing things,banging or even walking off.

There are times when i dropped by her cc(she's on 2 way cc transport), she'll looked surprised, happy & yet shy with finger on her lip calling me "mummy" softly which she normally dont if she's at hm. Can u imagine hw sweet & innocent she looked? I understand that most mummies find that sweetness in their child most of the times but nt for me. How I wish she cld behave like tis just like normal kids. Everything's ok if her mood is gd & she's enough zz...

At her enrichment class, tat teacher who used to complain alot on my gal's conduct & handwriting, actually sing praises starting tis year. Commenting tat she's more well behaved & attentive & serious in her wrk. In fact its overall improvement. Saying she's grown up. I was tinking OMG!

Looks like all positive remarks on her behaviour & wrk except at hm. Wat shld we do, where to seek help?

Does my gal have any learning disability & where to get her diagnose? We're desperate to seek help as this may affect her future. She definitely have some disciplinery prob but hw do we explain the split personalities in her? We've used both the hard & soft method but it doesnt work on her. She's nt even afraid of canes. We really dont know wats in her mind. She cld be seeking our attention but we've family outing on most wkends & bought her things that she requested. We're afraid that she might take us/things for granted.

There are times that I feel like giving up on her. (My hubbie kept consoling me that we're considered fortunate as our child is at least born healthy which I thinks its true tats y I move on) I dont expect her to be gifted or whatsoever just dont give me such headaches.

Anything wrg with our way of teaching, upbringing & etc???

Any kind soul out there??? :cry:


my email: anxiousmummy@gmail.com
Last edited by anxiousmummy123 on Mon Feb 09, 2009 1:26 am, edited 1 time in total.

anxiousmummy123
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Postby jedamum » Mon Feb 09, 2009 7:32 am

anxiousmummy123 wrote:Does my gal have any learning disability & where to get her diagnose? We're desperate to seek help as this may affect her future. She definitely have some disciplinery prob but hw do we explain the split personalities in her? We've used both the hard & soft method but it doesnt work on her. She's nt even afraid of canes. We really dont know wats in her mind. She cld be seeking our attention but we've family outing on most wkends & bought her things that she requested. We're afraid that she might take us/things for granted.

hi anxiousmummy,
family outing is time together as a family. do you have one-to-one quality time with her? it is obvious she is seeking attention from the tantrums she threw at home.

it's time that you take control. show her who is 'boss' - not by way of caning unreasonably, but by instilling in her that she has the duty to behave and do what she ought to do for kids her age - respect elders. but by insisting that, have you and your husband done your part in staying connected with her? what forms of discipline works on her? time out? withdrawal of privileges? or she just needs lots of praise, security and assurance? insisting that she should get along with the maid just cos the maid has been her caregiver may not be fair to her... the maid may have taken care of her daily routine, but where will your daughter get the love and bonding from?

do not be too keen to stick any medical labels onto your dd just cos you feel that you can't cope with her tantrums. if you are really that desperate to seek help, do you have the option to quit your job or take long long leave so that you can spend more time with her? tackle one issue at a time. at times like this, knowing how to blend/read/spell is not as important as getting her to behave and show respect to people around her at home.

jmho.

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Postby jedamum » Mon Feb 09, 2009 7:53 am

anxiousmummy123 wrote:She behaved differently at hm: She cant bathe on her own w/o any noise & when maid helped her, there's bound to be screams or shouts fm her. She'll smetimes scream when maid is tying her hair(either complained tat maid pulled her hair or is tying it 2 tight), comb her hair & she'll throw tantrums when it dangled. Eat with mess or walking abt. Not serious when doing her hmwrk, she'll just scribbled or stared blankly. When u ask her to try, she'll keep saying "i dont know" w/o trying. Refused to read or do accessments. When reading, dont know is it careless or bo chap, eg: "then" will be read as "the" or either skip a word or insert a word. Had been on phonics enrichment class but phonics is still weak. Nt gd at hearing sounds nt to mention blending. Cant visualise well. She can spell the word "baby" but when tested, she wrote "dady" instead. She's always throwing tantrums & on top of her voices. Seems to like wat her bro is playing or shall says she envy her bro with no hmwrk as she oso likes to laz ard.

There are times when my maid called to say my gal kept touching her butt & laughing hysterically even when scolded by my maid.

for the above, jmho...
1) She cant bathe on her own w/o any noise & when maid helped her, there's bound to be screams or shouts fm her.
- stop getting the maid to bathe for her. ask her if she prefers mummy to bathe for her. how about mummy take time to bathe her on alternate days? how about mummy bring her on a trip to the store to pick out her fav bathing gel? how about mummy blowing her hair after she bathe?

2)She'll smetimes scream when maid is tying her hair(either complained tat maid pulled her hair or is tying it 2 tight), comb her hair & she'll throw tantrums when it dangled.
- maybe she is cranky cos she's tired? i am assuming that the maid needs to tie her hair early in the morning before school. tell her that she can leave her hair in a mess to go to school if that is what she prefers.

3) Eat with mess or walking abt.
- i am assuming again that you refer to dinner time cos childcare will take care of lunch. will you be in time to eat dinner with her at home? eat together. at the family dining.
for mess, kids will be kids. you can get her to help you clean up with you afterwards.

4) Not serious when doing her hmwrk, she'll just scribbled or stared blankly. When u ask her to try, she'll keep saying "i dont know" w/o trying. Refused to read or do accessments.
- you have mentioned that she has a good record in school. why won't she do the homework to maintain her good record?
if you are referring to additional home assignment, my husband's take is,'majority of kids like or dislike homework?' :roll:

5) Had been on phonics enrichment class but phonics is still weak. Nt gd at hearing sounds nt to mention blending. Cant visualise well. She can spell the word "baby" but when tested, she wrote "dady" instead.
- some kids learn better through repetition (eg sight words/flashcards) rather than phonics. there is a thread on 'mirrored image' words that you may want to check it out.
my P1 still writes 'b' and 'd' wrongly...spelling he spelt 'tub' as 'tud' (or is it 'mud' as 'mub'...can't remember). :roll:

6) Seems to like wat her bro is playing or shall says she envy her bro with no hmwrk as she oso likes to laz ard.
- my boy likes to laze around too and occasionally commented that his bro so good..eat and play whole day. i'll tell him, his bro can't snack on ice-cream and snacks, his bro can't play with lego (for >3+) and he can cos he is older. and being older comes with their own set of responsibilities. the dad is older and needs to work even if he is tired. the dad/mum needs to wake up early to ensure that he reach sch on time even if we are tired. that are some things that we just have to do our part.

7) There are times when my maid called to say my gal kept touching her butt & laughing hysterically even when scolded by my maid.
- this is a phase. you have to let your girl know that there is a need to respect people's privacy and space. does she like others to touch her butt and laugh?

there are alot of communication needed...have you spent enough one to one time with her? get the dad to spend alone time with her too...cos at times, dads click better with daughters.

jmho.

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Postby smurf » Mon Feb 09, 2009 9:05 am

what I think is that your dotter might be seeking attention at home. If she stays at CC wholeday, when she comes home, she will want to play with the parents, especially if you and your hubby is working. and the maid is busying attending to the baby. or she might even be seeking attention from th maid since the maid is the one who has been taking care of her since birth.

jedamum is right, u got to spend more ALONE time with her, and not just involve baby everytime. I find that elder child tends to seek love from the parents more.
Bring her out just the 3 of you (hub, u and her).

I was in similar position and I really regret that I didn't seek help at that time. :stupid:

Talk to her like u r talking to an adult and you will be surprised how much she knows. :wink:

smurf
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Postby Observer » Mon Feb 09, 2009 11:37 am

As mentioned by someone, Your gal may be seeking your "Full attention" towards her in home.
Also, your gal must be very intelligent because "She knows how to behave where". In CC, she knows her limits, because CC have teachers not parents. In home, it's her dear parents, so she is trying to manipulate you and maid. She is with the same maid since birth, the maid also must be very dear to her.

If you want to seek medical help, dun go to GPs. They are not trained in child development and Psychology. You can contact "Child Development Unit" at KK Hospital or any other Child psychologists.

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Postby jedamum » Mon Feb 09, 2009 11:50 am

insider wrote:PS: When facing kids with emotional issues, I do "book therapy" a lot in my cc.

Yes...'book therapy' works on behavioural issues too.
a while ago, i went to borrow a Mr Men (Mr Rude) story for my boy :roll: and we had a good laugh thereafter followed by some discussion on his recent behaviour. :wink:

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Postby schellen » Mon Feb 09, 2009 12:40 pm

jedamum wrote:
insider wrote:PS: When facing kids with emotional issues, I do "book therapy" a lot in my cc.

Yes...'book therapy' works on behavioural issues too.
a while ago, i went to borrow a Mr Men (Mr Rude) story for my boy :roll: and we had a good laugh thereafter followed by some discussion on his recent behaviour. :wink:


If you have younger children and they are girls, you can try the Little Princess series, easily available at libraries. They're by Tony Ross.

When my DD was younger (she's 7 now), she was a bit rude and demanding, instead of requesting politely so I read "I Want My Dinner!" with her and she got it. It helps that the illustrations are funny and the story/characters are hilarious.

P.S. My DD still loves this series so we still borrow them for her even though the stories are fairly simple.

schellen
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Postby Guest » Mon Feb 09, 2009 10:50 pm

Just a thought, is praise lacking at home? The way the teachers talked about her, it would mean that she must be receiving alot of praises in school.

Perhaps start by surprising her with some small praises to see if she responds well to them at home. If she does, then you will know the root of the problem. Sometimes things work in a vicious cycle, you have to break the cycle somewhere....to bring out the positive energy from her.
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