Advice - New parent, new kid...

Parental influence on children in the first 12 years of their lives have a permanent effect. Unfortunately, children come with no user manual. Each child is different from the other. Discuss how to handle emotional and educational needs of your child here.

Advice - New parent, new kid...

Postby EstherTan » Mon Feb 09, 2009 3:47 pm

Hey all,

I need advice on handling my daughter...

She's going to be turning 1 year old soon, and is undergoing through that exploration phase (especially since she's started crawling) and learning to babble. I'd like to ask you guys how you handled your kids at that age? Let me describe a few situations to you:

1. High pitched screaming (it's not long wailing, just a few shrieks until she gets distracted)
2. Picking up things and throwing them down immediately
3. Crawling over to 'forbidden' areas (e.g. near the cable box of fan)

For Situation 1, hubby tried a few times to 'ssshhh' her, but I think she feels that it's a game, and responds back with another shriek. I've also tried whisking out of the area (especially if it's enclosed! Like a restaurant etc).

For Situation 3, what I usually do is to call out to her in a stern voice (my naughty girl always turns back to look at me before she heads to that area, as if to check if I'm going to scold her) and if she still proceeds on I'll pull her back and smack her hand lightly and tell her 'no' again.

How should I handle such situations? She's at the age where she doesn't know that things are dangerous, or is she testing boundaries despite knowing what she should or should not do, but she's exploring her surroundings and testing out her vocal chords.

Looking forward to advice! *eks*

EstherTan
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Postby sashimi » Mon Feb 09, 2009 5:45 pm

First of all, calm down :)

Secondly, you need to appreciate the fact that your child is not trying to commit an offence. At this age, that concept is totally beyond them.

Third, you are absolutely right: she IS at an age where she does not know certain things are dangerous, AND she IS testing boundaries, AND she is exploring, AND she is testing not just her vocal chords, PLUS she is testing YOUR responses and thus the powers that come with a voice. She is likely to be too young to understand the difference between an angry response and an approving response - it's all just a response, and it's fun to them to get a response.

Our job as parents is to teach the child. And you need to appreciate the fact that it will not be taught overnight.

1. Screaming - frankly, this one is common and reasons vary, but it is almost certainly just a phase. Try to bear with it, and where you cannot, do what you already know - distract her with something else. A toy, music, something to look at, or even just talk to her. You can try slowly training her that a nice babble gets a proper response; but a scream gets a frown. Try this.

1a. Related to this - DON'T babytalk to your child. Talk to her in normal speech like an adult. The sooner you cultivate this habit, the sooner she will pick up proper words by which to communitcate with you.Once she learns to form the first 1- or 2-word phrases, the screams and babbles will slowly be replaced.


2. That is just your daughter testing her hands, her motor skills. Babies get a tremendous thrill out of discovering the ability to manipulate things using their own hands. It's fun to them. For your own sake (sanity), try to take this in good nature, and avoid interpreting it as your child being naughty. So long as she is not in danger (like throwing something sharp), or not disturbing public peace, it's really ok.

Every parent has to survive this behaviour. You will have to pick up spoons and bowls from restaurant floors for a while! :) It's ok to be driven insane once in a while, but as far as possible, take it in good fun. :)

Remember - all this will pass!

3. What you're doing is generally right. Although, for the record, personally I won't use any form of physical punishment, even light smacks of the hand. that has an awful way of coming back to you - your child may hit you some day in retaliation.

Again, be aware that at this age, a baby has NO CONCEPT, NO UNDERSTANDING whatsoever of the concept of being naughty, or rules, or punishment, or forbidden areas. These are all social concepts which will take several more years to develop in their heads.

She is merely exploring. Continue to "NO" her to teach her the meaning of your tone and the word, but appreciate the fact that she is not trying to offend you.

I hope my suggestions are acceptable to you - don't lose hope and don't lose your sanity :) As parents, it is best to adopt some level of patience and understanding of how simplistic babies' minds are, so you don't go crazy. When she turns two, you will enter the era of tantrums, i.e. the Terrible Twos! That's worse!

sashimi
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Postby EstherTan » Tue Feb 10, 2009 9:46 am

thanx so much for the advice... I kinda needed confirmation that I wasn't indirectly 'training' her to be a little devil when she grows up!

I usually don't know whether to laugh or cry in those situations - she's so innocent in her actions and really doesn't know the consequences! I just pity the single people out there who will get irritated by such things!

I think all mommies must be saints. I think daddies (opz... going to offend a lot of other people!) are oblivious :lol: I know mine is!

I figured picking up stuff from the floor will constitute my exercise for the next few months 8)

thanx loads!

EstherTan
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Postby ChiefKiasu » Tue Feb 10, 2009 9:52 am

EstherTan wrote:...I think all mommies must be saints. I think daddies (opz... going to offend a lot of other people!) are oblivious :lol: I know mine is!...


Err.. dear EstherTan... you may not realize that the excellent advice which you just acknowledged to comes from our St. Sashimi, who is as daddy as can be :wink: . We daddies are not that blur too, you know. Only when it comes to bringing out the trash.

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Postby EstherTan » Tue Feb 10, 2009 10:02 am

Heeeheee... Maybe it's just mine who is blur? But it's nice to have a daddy who's so involved... kudos to you guys!

(no offense! ;p)

EstherTan
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Postby jedamum » Tue Feb 10, 2009 10:48 am

EstherTan wrote:Heeeheee... Maybe it's just mine who is blur? But it's nice to have a daddy who's so involved... kudos to you guys!

(no offense! ;p)

EstherTan,
in case you haven't noticed...Kiasuparent forum has a substantial number (for any parenting forum) of daddies lurking around.....

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Postby EstherTan » Tue Feb 10, 2009 11:30 am

;X

EstherTan
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Postby sashimi » Tue Feb 10, 2009 12:42 pm

ChiefKiasu wrote:Err.. dear EstherTan... you may not realize that the excellent advice which you just acknowledged to comes from our St. Sashimi, who is as daddy as can be :wink: . ..h.


Errrrrr, for the record, "St" means "Super tired". I am really a rat in disguise. Just that I am a nice rat, probably too nice for my own good ....


EStherTan wrote:I figured picking up stuff from the floor will constitute my exercise for the nex few months


Yup! But that's easy, my dear. Once your little girl can walk and RUN, you will have to exercise indeed.... :sweat:

sashimi
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Postby schellen » Tue Feb 10, 2009 1:04 pm

Hi! I'm "St" sashimi's wife. Maybe I should use the "St" title too since I am also super tired. :lol:

FYI, sashimi sometimes has no choice but to be a nice rat since he's stuck between a tiger and a snake. :lol: Hahahahaha

And yes, I gained weight AFTER giving birth cos breastfeeding was so tiring and it "drugs" you too. So it was eat-sleep-eat-sleep.... Then, when DD became more mobile, I lost the weight and fat.

schellen
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Postby EstherTan » Wed Feb 11, 2009 11:46 am

Haha... don't talk about the weight thing... Can't figure out how some people can work-look after kid-look after household and still have time for gym. Must kowtow to them!

EstherTan
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