Wits End ... Any good tips to share ?

Parental influence on children in the first 12 years of their lives have a permanent effect. Unfortunately, children come with no user manual. Each child is different from the other. Discuss how to handle emotional and educational needs of your child here.

Wits End ... Any good tips to share ?

Postby CJM » Sat Mar 26, 2011 1:56 pm

hi all,

ds is p5 this year and he still gets distracted easily ( in sch and tuition ) and not self motivated.

we are constantly explaining the facts of life to him and the importance of studies which he knows that if he does not score well, he will not go to the school of his choice.

we have been using the soft and hard approach on him but it does not seem to work either way.

by nature, he is an obedient boy and tries very hard to put in effort and will do whatever I told him to do ( when he is at home )

can u pls share how do i make my ds more motivated and be more focus ?

CJM
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Re: Wits End ... Any good tips to share ?

Postby cnimed » Sat Mar 26, 2011 4:37 pm

CJM wrote:hi all,

ds is p5 this year and he still gets distracted easily ( in sch and tuition ) and not self motivated.

...
we have been using the soft and hard approach on him but it does not seem to work either way.

by nature, he is an obedient boy and tries very hard to put in effort and will do whatever I told him to do ( when he is at home )


Hi CJM,
He sounds like a good boy who wants to please. If both hard and soft methods don't work, it may be something beyond his control, or that he feels is beyond him.

I would suggest

- speaking to his teachers to get their opinions on which areas he is having difficulties in; changing tuition teacher for the same reason if the current one obviously doesn't seem to meet his areas of needs. Consider if the method of teaching match his best path for learning.

- checking his vision. I have a similar experience with my young son. Effort is irrelevant when he cannot see the page properly. He has consistently tested 6/6 vision, but when I take him to more specialised places, he has separately(!) found to have eye teaming issues, farsightedness and slight covergence excess in one eye, and moderate to severe Irlen syndrome.

You can go to this website to learn more about the symptons to watch for common vision issues as related to learning. This site deals more with behavioural optometry:
http://www.covd.org/Home/AboutVisionLea ... fault.aspx

Irlen syndrome is still controversial in terms of cause and treatment, though researchers all agree that there is a percentage of the population that do experience the symptons. I took my son to all the established places, before we finally went to check for Irlen syndrome, so he has already been checked for all the other possible causes. You can view examples of what these children may see here:
http://www.irlen.com/distortioneffects.php

All the best!
cnimed
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Postby CJM » Sat Mar 26, 2011 5:37 pm

Hi deminc,

Thank u for sharing.

DS does not hv learning difficulties . Teachers n tutors commented that he is a smart boy but just has to stay focus in order to excel .

He is an average student who gets ard 70 plus.

I m always searching for the clues - how to make him more focus n self motivated !!

CJM
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Postby cnimed » Sat Mar 26, 2011 9:00 pm

Hi CJM,
Vision has nothing to do with intelligence. Even normal opticians and opthamologists can't pick it out, much less teachers and tutors. But you know your child best. :)
cnimed
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Re: Wits End ... Any good tips to share ?

Postby tamarind » Sat Mar 26, 2011 10:26 pm

CJM wrote:we are constantly explaining the facts of life to him and the importance of studies which he knows that if he does not score well, he will not go to the school of his choice.


For boys, I find that it is useless to explain to them. They simply don't get it. This is based on my experience teaching hundreds of students who are age 17 and above. I have seen so many boys who are quite smart, but are so unmotivated, they don't care if they fail all the modules.

If we want them to be self motivated, there is only one way. Put them in an environment of extreme poverty. I have seen the very poor living conditions of the students when I was teaching in a university in China. The result is that they are all very hardworking and motivated compared to Singaporean students. Note that our boys must be put in that kind of environment for as long as it take for them to complete their education. Just sending them to China for immersion program for a few weeks is useless. They must understand that they have to study very hard, get good grades, get a good job, then they can get out of that environment.

I believe that nothing else will work for these boys. What they really need is to experience hunger and poverty, then they will be self motivated.

I have heard some people suggesting to force your kid to memorize essays, force him to do tons of assessments, caning him as hard as you can if he makes mistakes. Well, if you really do try that, you may see some results when your son is still young and he has no choice but to do as you say due to fear. When he is in secondary school, he is going to rebel and you are not going to be able to control him anymore.

Note that my advise does not apply to young children, only for older kids whose parents have run out of ideas.

tamarind
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Re: Wits End ... Any good tips to share ?

Postby rosemummy » Mon Mar 28, 2011 11:02 pm

[quote="tamarind"]If we want them to be self motivated, there is only one way. Put them in an environment of extreme poverty. I have seen the very poor living conditions of the students when I was teaching in a university in China. The result is that they are all very hardworking and motivated compared to Singaporean students. Note that our boys must be put in that kind of environment for as long as it take for them to complete their education. Just sending them to China for immersion program for a few weeks is useless. They must understand that they have to study very hard, get good grades, get a good job, then they can get out of that environment.

I believe that nothing else will work for these boys. What they really need is to experience hunger and poverty, then they will be self motivated.
[quote]

I would like to hear your views as to how you can do that. In the first place, how do you get kids like that to go there, and stay there? Experiencing it is not enough, not when they know the safety net they have, unlike their Chinese counterparts. The child can see and experience poverty and hunger but I doubt it'll make a big difference if they know they stand to inherit millions from their parents. The problem is that these days, with all the en bloc deals and most families having just 1 or 2 kids, most kids do stand to inherit a couple of millions (if you include properties) later in life. 1 of my friend estimate the amount to be $20 million per child amongst her circle of friends (in her age group). The circumstances of the Chinese kids are different - they're poor, with no safety net, support or inheritance. If anything, they need to work hard to support their parents. Their situation is similar to the baby boomers generation in Singapore, who are more hardworking and resilient.

[quote="tamarind"]
I have heard some people suggesting to force your kid to memorize essays, force him to do tons of assessments, caning him as hard as you can if he makes mistakes. Well, if you really do try that, you may see some results when your son is still young and he has no choice but to do as you say due to fear. When he is in secondary school, he is going to rebel and you are not going to be able to control him anymore.
[quote]

True, but if that's the only way to get him to do well in the PSLE, then that's the only way. It's better to get him into a better secondary school than for him to go to a not so good school where there's a higher likelihood of him getting influenced by the many rebellious kids there. He's less likely to rebel if he's in a better school, with more positive peer influence. And hopefully by then he's sufficiently matured to know what's good for him.

What alternative do you suggest?

rosemummy
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