Should I carry out my threat?

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Should I carry out my threat?

Postby Jade » Wed Apr 06, 2011 4:17 pm

My ds failed his gr 3 piano practical. He is sec 2 this yr. I had earlier told him if he wants me to sponsor his piano n guitar lessons he will need to ensure that he puts in his fair share of effort n that means passing his grade 3 piano practical. I know he is keen to attend these lessons but he is lazy to practice for exam. What shd I do? Shd I carry out my "promise" n cancel all his music lessons? I know he will b upset cos he enjoys the lessons . Looking forward to hear fellow parents' views on this. Thanks

Jade
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Postby LKVM » Wed Apr 06, 2011 4:22 pm

Sometimes we threat our kids so that we can see if they are really serious or no... however in your case if your child is now serious maybe you should give him some time...

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Postby BeContented » Wed Apr 06, 2011 4:29 pm

Hi,
Agree with LKVM, give him more time. Since he has the interest, I'm sure he would also want to pass his exam and progress further. Hope he would learn his lesson this round.

BeContented
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Postby ppnqq » Wed Apr 06, 2011 4:44 pm

I always make sure I do what I've promised, hence, my children know I really mean business and will really carry out the 'threat' so they also dare not 'play play' with me.

In this case, I will talk to the school, arrange for my child to stop for a few lessons or a month by explaining the reason to them, and I will tell my child that he IS going to stop his lessons since he did not pass due to his laziness and this is also what we have 'compromised', and also a punishment for being lazy.

After which, I will add on that I am giving him another chance by proving to me that he now has the heart and is putting in the effort in practicing his piano and guitar. If he can prove so, I will let him resume his lessons.

If he is really keen, he will 'wake up', and if he is still lazy, I may really just put a stop to his lessons for good until I can really see the 'sparks' in his eyes. JMHO.

Well, this is me. So unfortunate of my children, I think.
Last edited by ppnqq on Wed Apr 06, 2011 4:46 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Postby Jade » Wed Apr 06, 2011 4:46 pm

I m in delimma. How to make him learn his lesson n yet not deprive him of the lessons? He is the lazy type. I m really tempted to just cancel it to let him know I m serious that not everything he wants he will get especially if he does not put in his fair share. Really in a delimma...

Jade
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Postby ppnqq » Wed Apr 06, 2011 4:49 pm

Jade wrote:I m in delimma. How to make him learn his lesson n yet not deprive him of the lessons? He is the lazy type. I m really tempted to just cancel it to let him know I m serious that not everything he wants he will get especially if he does not put in his fair share. Really in a delimma...


I can understand that because I really did go through the same thing as you.

You do not have to cancel his lessons, just stop a few lessons, temporarily, so that he knows you mean what you say. Or you can give in by giving him one more chance but if he is still the same, then it would be better to refrain him from attending a few lessons just to 'frighten' him. JMHO.

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Re: Should I carry out my threat?

Postby Jennifer » Wed Apr 06, 2011 5:11 pm

Jade wrote:he is keen to attend these lessons but he is lazy to practice for exam


Genuine interests in music vs getting a certificate. Which one is more impt to him? Or to you?

Is it really impt to prove (aka passing the exam) he has the skills in playing?

Jennifer
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Postby BlueBells » Wed Apr 06, 2011 5:21 pm

ppnqq wrote:I always make sure I do what I've promised, hence, my children know I really mean business and will really carry out the 'threat' so they also dare not 'play play' with me.

In this case, I will talk to the school, arrange for my child to stop for a few lessons or a month by explaining the reason to them, and I will tell my child that he IS going to stop his lessons since he did not pass due to his laziness and this is also what we have 'compromised', and also a punishment for being lazy.

After which, I will add on that I am giving him another chance by proving to me that he now has the heart and is putting in the effort in practicing his piano and guitar. If he can prove so, I will let him resume his lessons.

If he is really keen, he will 'wake up', and if he is still lazy, I may really just put a stop to his lessons for good until I can really see the 'sparks' in his eyes. JMHO.

Well, this is me. So unfortunate of my children, I think.


I echo your sentiments totally. Sometimes, my kids are also lazy at practising the piano, I will also resort to threatening, but never with the option of stopping their paino lessons. I usually threaten with withdrawal of privileges instead, and ensure that I can follow through.

For me, as long as they passed the grading exams and sustain their interest, the score is not important - applicable only to non-academic interests.

So, if I were you, I will take ppnqq's suggestion of suspending lessons follow by a second chance.

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Postby LKVM » Wed Apr 06, 2011 5:25 pm

Actually the thing is it should be clear whether he really has interest or its just for you he is learning.. once you are sure of this answer then you can take steps to rectify

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Postby MyBaby » Wed Apr 06, 2011 5:33 pm

Jade wrote:I m in delimma. How to make him learn his lesson n yet not deprive him of the lessons? He is the lazy type. I m really tempted to just cancel it to let him know I m serious that not everything he wants he will get especially if he does not put in his fair share. Really in a delimma...


Well, your DS will probably be unhappy when you carry out your threat - but basically this is what both of you have agreed in the first place. Hopefully, at Sec 2, he can understand that. I tell my kids that it is ok to be unhappy (or even cry) as these are natural emotions, but they should be upset with themselves (and not me) if they are the ones responsible for their state of unhappiness.

On the other hand, if you "give in" and let your DS continue with his lessons, will you be assured that there will be no repeat and that your DS will wise up and practise? You have mentioned that he is the "lazy" type. So one outcome could either be you plan practise time in his schedule and make sure he adheres to it (that means, you do the monitoring of his practice time), or he practices at the beginning (while he can still remember his end of the promise) and slack after that.

I do agree with Jennifer about developing interest vs getting certificates. If he is really interested, would you consider letting him do it without having to go for exams or only to sign up for grading when he has attained the necessary skills. Then, playing the instrument becomes a hobby and it might also be an avenue for him to "de-stress".

DD learns piano too but we do not prepare her for exams. Rather, she signs up for grading only when she has attained the required skill level. So there is no pressure nor extra lessons as she prepares for her grading. DD is in P6 this year and playing the piano, as well as going for her lessons, are her ways of relaxing.

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