No motivation to study in Sec 1, how???

Parental influence on children in the first 12 years of their lives have a permanent effect. Unfortunately, children come with no user manual. Each child is different from the other. Discuss how to handle emotional and educational needs of your child here.

No motivation to study in Sec 1, how???

Postby ttlkbs » Tue May 03, 2011 1:27 pm

DS seems to change totally to another person when he moves on to Sec 1 this day, I mean no motivation to study at all. At least in pri school still pick up books to study after I nagged & nagged during exam but now totally ignore all my naggings & scolding, juz sprawled on the bed to watch TV whole day long. Even said prepared to fail 3 subjects before exam even started!
Anyone who has sons behave similarily when they move on to Secondary school?
Shall I continue to push which I feel very tired coz still got DD to coach?
Shall I leave him alone till he wakes up one day? :cry:

ttlkbs
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Re: No motivation to study in Sec 1, how???

Postby cnimed » Wed May 04, 2011 8:10 am

do you think he's feeling burnt out after the past two years of intensive preparations for PSLE? I felt this way by the time I reached JC, so much so that I turned down an overseas scholarship, but these days kids burn out much earlier. I often though it would have been better for me to take a year out then and that is what I will do for my children if I feel they are burning out. DH himself took a break, after which he did very well all the way to his PhD.
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Re: No motivation to study in Sec 1, how???

Postby ttlkbs » Wed May 04, 2011 8:38 am

Thank-you Deminc. I have no idea what is actually the cause as he is the eldest & I nvr experienced this during my younger days. In the initial 2 months when he started secondary school, I didn't stress him & gave him total freedom but already 4 mth gone, still like honeymooning! It is very stress on me & not fair to other siblings who needed more guidance since they are so much younger. I decided to let go & let him takes charge of his own future & told him he has to take total responsibility for himself & bear whatever consequences he faces. I don't know if this will work & also curious to know if this is common among boys when they progress from pri sch to sec sch. :?:

ttlkbs
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Re: No motivation to study in Sec 1, how???

Postby QuiteKSMum » Wed May 04, 2011 10:13 am

Hi ttlkbs,

Sorry to hear abt this...could understand your worries & frustrations...

I have a boy in Sec 1 this yr too. The sch (even thou not an IP sch) curriculum is very demanding & challenging. But I do see the sch providing non- academic aspects of support to their students.

Have you consulted the school counsellor before? They might be a gd start as they do work hand-in-hand with the Ts in charge.
All the best... don't give up...your son still needs you... :celebrate:

QuiteKSMum
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Re: No motivation to study in Sec 1, how???

Postby ttlkbs » Wed May 04, 2011 12:12 pm

Thx QuietKSMum for the good suggestion. The sch has quite a strong parents support group, may seek their advise after the exam. I hope parents who have or had such experience before can share with me their stories.

ttlkbs
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Re: No motivation to study in Sec 1, how???

Postby Guest » Wed May 04, 2011 12:27 pm

Not sure if there is a meet-the-parents session after SA1, but if there is, perhaps you might want to take this opportunity to meet up with his form teacher, find out about how he has been performing in school, how is he getting along with his new friends etc.

There is a big difference between Primary and Secondary School and I suspect your son is still adjusting to his new Seconday School life. Different kids have different ways/length of time in adjusting to a new environment. What is a 'normal' adjustment time to one child, may not be the 'normal' adjustment time for another.

Also, have you had a heart to heart chat with you son? Is he having coping problems or other issues? Some kids tend to keep to themselves and sometimes, would distract themselves with TV/computer games etc to 'escape' from the pressure that they are coping with.

Give your son sometime. I still suspect it is due to adjustment problems.
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Re: No motivation to study in Sec 1, how???

Postby ttlkbs » Wed May 04, 2011 1:07 pm

Thx 25hourmaid. Have been to the school a few times in the beginning of the year for some special occassions whereby parents were invited. The school has not once but a few times mentioned they do not want to stress the sec ones. Hence don't see much pushing fr the teachers even they failed the class tests consecutively. And also fr my conversations with DS, seems that majority of his classmates don't seem to bother about homework, some even called him to check the exam table on the eve of the actual date! I hope there is a PTC after the exam but his form teacher is due for delivery soon, so is still a doubt if she's able to make it for the PTC.

ttlkbs
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Re: No motivation to study in Sec 1, how???

Postby Guest » Wed May 04, 2011 4:52 pm

ttlkbs wrote:Thx 25hourmaid. Have been to the school a few times in the beginning of the year for some special occassions whereby parents were invited. The school has not once but a few times mentioned they do not want to stress the sec ones. Hence don't see much pushing fr the teachers even they failed the class tests consecutively. And also fr my conversations with DS, seems that majority of his classmates don't seem to bother about homework, some even called him to check the exam table on the eve of the actual date! I hope there is a PTC after the exam but his form teacher is due for delivery soon, so is still a doubt if she's able to make it for the PTC.


It's good to know that the school is not stressing the S1s out, let's hope things would settled down after the first semister and that things would work out well for your son by then. :celebrate:
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Re: No motivation to study in Sec 1, how???

Postby ttlkbs » Wed May 04, 2011 9:43 pm

Thx to all. :thankyou:
Many pple told me that from their experiences, he shld mature and change when he turns 15 or 16. :scratchhead:
Since P1, I've been counting down the days & now getting close to the 'magic' age. So may be I shld be more patient & continue to count down.... :xedfingers:

ttlkbs
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Re: No motivation to study in Sec 1, how???

Postby tamarind » Thu May 05, 2011 10:02 am

Sharing this good article :

http://www.newsforparents.org/expert_mo ... ework.html

How to Motivate Your Kids to Do Homework
(without having a nervous breakdown yourself)
By Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller

Tired of arguing, nagging and struggling with your kids to get them to do homework? Are you discovering that bribing, threatening, and punishing don't yield positive results? If so, this article is for you. Here you will find the 3 laws of homework and 8 homework tips that if implemented in your home with consistency and an open heart, will reduce study time hassles significantly.

The First Law of Homework: Most children do not like to do homework.

Kids do not enjoy sitting and studying. At least, not after having spent a long school day comprised mostly of sitting and studying. So give up your desire to have them like it. Focus on getting them to do it.

The Second Law of Homework: You cannot make anyone do it.

You can not make your child learn. You cannot make him hold a certain attitude. You cannot make him move his pencil.

While you can not insist, you can assist. Concentrate on assisting by sending positive invitations. Invite and encourage you child using the ideas that follow.

The Third Law of Homework: It's their Problem.

Their pencils have to move. Their brains need to engage. Their bottoms need to be in the chair. It is their report cards that they bring home.

Too many parents see homework as the parent's problem. So they create ultimatums, scream and shout, threaten, bribe, scold, and withhold privileges. Have you noticed that most of these tactics do not work?

Our responsibility as parents is to provide our children with an opportunity to do homework. Our job is to provide structure, to create the system. The child's job is to use the system.

Tip # One

Eliminate the word homework from your vocabulary. Replace it with the word study. Have a study time instead of a homework time. Have a study table instead of a homework table. This word change alone will go a long way towards eliminating the problem of your child saying, "I don't have any homework." Study time is about studying, even if you don't have any homework. It's amazing how much more homework kids have when they have to study regardless of whether they have homework or not.

Tip # Two

Establish a study routine. This needs to be the same time every day. Let your children have some input on when study time occurs. Once the time is set, stick to that schedule. Kids thrive on structure even as they protest. It may take several weeks for the routine to become a habit. Persist. By having a regular study time you are demonstrating that you value education.

Tip # Three.

Keep the routine predictable and simple. One possibility includes a five minute warning that study time is approaching, bringing their current activity to an end, clearing the study table, emptying their back pack of books and supplies, then beginning.

Tip # Four

Allow children to make choices about homework and related issues. They could choose to do study time before or after dinner. They could do it immediately after they get home or wake up early in the morning to do it. Invite them to choose the kitchen table or a spot in their own room. One choice children do not have is whether or not to study.

Tip # Five

Help without over-functioning. Only help if your child asks for it. Do not do problems or assignments for children.

When your child says, "I can't do it, " suggest they act as if they can. Tell them to pretend like they know and see what happens. Then leave the immediate area and let them see if they can handle it from there. If they keep telling you they don't know how and you decide to offer help, concentrate on asking than on telling.

Ask:

"What do you get?"
"What parts do you understand?"
"Can you give me an example?"
"What do you think the answer is?"
"How could you find out?"

Tip # Six

If you want a behavior you have to teach a behavior. Disorganization is a problem for many school age children. If you want them to be organized you have to invest the time to help them learn an organizational system. Your job is to teach them the system. Their job is to use it. Yes, check occasionally to see if the system is being used. Check more often at first. Provide direction and correction where necessary.

If your child needs help with time management, teach them time management skills. Help them learn what it means to prioritize by the importance and due date of each task. Teach them to create an agenda each time they sit down to study. Help them experience the value of getting the important things done first.

Tip # Seven

Replace monetary and external rewards with encouraging verbal responses. End the practice of paying for grades and going on a special trip for ice cream. This style of bribery has only short term gains and does little to encourage children to develop a lifetime love of learning.

Instead make positive verbal comments that concentrate on describing the behavior you wish to encourage.

"You followed the directions exactly and finished in 15 minutes."

"I notice you stayed up late last night working on your term paper. It probably wasn't easy saving that much to the end, but your efforts got it done."

"All your letters are right between the lines. I'll bet your teacher won't have any trouble reading this."

"I see you got the study table all organized and ready to go early. Looks like initiative and responsibility hooked together to me."

Tip # Eight

Use study time to get some of your own responsibilities handled. Do the dishes, fold laundry, or write thank you notes. Keep the TV off! If you engage in fun or noisy activities during that time children will naturally be distracted. Study time is a family commitment. If you won't commit to it, don't expect that you children will.

Special Note: tonight when your child is studying, begin on your homework assignment, which follows. Reread this article. Decide which parts of it you want to implement. Determine when you will begin. Put it in writing. Then congratulate yourself for getting your homework done.


Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller are the authors of "The 10 Commitments: Parenting with Purpose," to be released in November and "Couple Talk: How to Talk Your Way to a Great Relationship" (available from Personal Power Press at (toll-free) 877-360-1477). They also publish FREE email newsletters, one for parents and another for couples. Subscribe to one or both at ipp57@aol.com. Visit www.chickmoorman.com and www.thomashaller.com.

tamarind
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