School Refusal

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School Refusal

Postby ZuEn » Thu May 05, 2011 12:39 pm

A little background.

Dd is turning 3 next week and has been attending pre-nursery with a church starting this January. This is the nearest church that I can find but require her to take the school bus.

She had been attending 2 hourly playgroup since she was 22 months old but she is really shy and the playgroup has been very flexible and my maid used to sit throught the 2 hour sessions with her. Only towards the end of last year, then did my maid "escape" from the class.

Dd started the pre-nursery class well and also the school bus taking. There was some tears and crying but things worked out fine. Then she started to refuse to wear her school uniform to school and will wear home clothes to school. Recently, the teacher highlighted the issue and we started packing the school uniform and the teacher will most of the time helped her to change in school.

Recently, things have turned for the worse and Dd is refusing to go to school. There must be crying every morning and yday and today, she cried all the way to school. :oops:

We are not sure about what made her dislike school. She will openly tell us that she doesnt like her school uniform and also dont want to go to school. However, she cannot tell us what is it that make her dislike school. I have called the school this morning and am waiting for her teacher to call me back.

I am at a loss now. I am not sure if this will trigger her hatred for school in the future. I am even thinking if I should switch her to a nearer school where my mum or helper can walk her to school and fetch her than to take school bus. Then again, I really hope that she will grow up in a Christian environment.

Anybody experienced such situation before and how to improve?

ZuEn
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Re: School Refusal

Postby smurf » Thu May 05, 2011 2:23 pm

Any reason why u change sch? If she is doing well in the playgroup, why change?

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Re: School Refusal

Postby ZuEn » Thu May 05, 2011 5:06 pm

The playgroup does not focus on higher level learning.
So no choice and has to move. Then again, I wanted her to attend a church school and signed her up for the nearest one, which is still far away and I am starting to regret my choice. Not sure if taking school bus adds on to her dislike for school but she has never once complained about the bus journey.

Just spoken to the principal and we both suspect that it is the uniform.
She related that there was an occasion was teased bcos she was not in her school uniform and appeared embarassed. The principal said that she will ask the teacher to handle the issue with more care. Asked us to continue to pack her uniform in her bag. The teacher will ask her but not force her if she doesnt want to change into her uniform.

ZuEn
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Re: School Refusal

Postby smurf » Thu May 05, 2011 5:27 pm

That means she doesn't cry if she is wearing her own clothes right? In that case, I would think just let her be. No point forcing her to wear and defeat the purpose of going school.

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Re: School Refusal

Postby tamarind » Fri May 06, 2011 7:56 am

ZuEn,
My girl also refused to wear the uniform when she attended a new playgroup at 3 years old. She took a few months to adapt to the playgroup, and when she finally decided to wear the uniform, every one in her class cheered.

Like smurf said, just let her be. Some kids do take a long time to adapt to a new environment.

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Re: School Refusal

Postby ZuEn » Fri May 06, 2011 8:26 am

Hmmm... she has been wearing her home clothes to school, just that the teachers may help her to change. The principal said that she will ask the teacher not to force her if she doesnt want to change.

The pricipal also feedback that she is ok upon arriving in school and doesnt cry in school. It is only in the morning when we need to pack her for school. Last night, we kept telling her that we will pack her uniform in her bag but it is Ok if she doesnt want to change and she can tell the teacher that she doesnt want to if she really dont want. She was OK and kept telling us that she doesnt like her uniform and she dont like the teacher to change for her. Then again, we cannot really tell if this is the source or she's saying what she said bcos of what we said.

This morning, the same thing happened. -_______-"
All the promises that she made to go to school are gone. Cried buckets, called me countless times.
Then suddenly tell us that she is scared of the bus driver. -.o"
Not sure if we should believe her since she has never complain about the bus ride. My mum had to send her to school this morning.

ZuEn
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Re: School Refusal

Postby cnimed » Fri May 06, 2011 8:34 am

ZuEn wrote:This morning, the same thing happened. -_______-"
All the promises that she made to go to school are gone. Cried buckets, called me countless times.


She is ONLY three. She doesn't even know when her birthday is, how can she make a promise? If you must have her in the school, then just be reassuring towards her and don't take things to heart.
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Re: School Refusal

Postby tamarind » Fri May 06, 2011 9:16 am

ZuEn wrote:Hmmm... she has been wearing her home clothes to school, just that the teachers may help her to change. The principal said that she will ask the teacher not to force her if she doesnt want to change.

The pricipal also feedback that she is ok upon arriving in school and doesnt cry in school. It is only in the morning when we need to pack her for school. Last night, we kept telling her that we will pack her uniform in her bag but it is Ok if she doesnt want to change and she can tell the teacher that she doesnt want to if she really dont want. She was OK and kept telling us that she doesnt like her uniform and she dont like the teacher to change for her. Then again, we cannot really tell if this is the source or she's saying what she said bcos of what we said.

This morning, the same thing happened. -_______-"
All the promises that she made to go to school are gone. Cried buckets, called me countless times.
Then suddenly tell us that she is scared of the bus driver. -.o"
Not sure if we should believe her since she has never complain about the bus ride. My mum had to send her to school this morning.


We didn't let the teacher change my girl, I thought that would be embarrassing for her. We just asked her everyday whether she wanted to wear it, before we brought her to school. If she did not want to, we didn't try to persuade her. One day she just said yes.

I think it is important not to make a big fuss over the matter. We all thought that it was no big deal whether she wanted to wear the uniform or not, since she was only 3 years old. I find that kids tend to resist much more if we fuss over the matter.

My girl also used to have very serious separation anxiety when she was 2 years old. She behaved worst than your daughter. When she woke up, the first thing she said was she did not want to go to playgroup (2 hours only but no adults accompanying). She started to cry when we prepared to bring her to school. She kept crying like this for a couple of months, then I decided to stop sending her to playgroup, and waited till she was over 3 years old before we tried again.

I think that some young kids just may not be ready to attend classes on their own, it will be better if we wait until they are slightly older before sending them to classes.

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Re: School Refusal

Postby smurf » Fri May 06, 2011 9:58 am

Honestly I dont understand what is the big fuss about wearing uniform. If a child do not wants to wear, why force her? If a school cares for the child well being, they shouldn't make a big fuss out of the uniform.

If after stop wearing uniform doesn't work, it may be because she is not ready to go school. But, you mentioned that she was doing fine in a playgroup? I think a school setting may be a bit overwhelming for a little gal. After all, a playgroup and a 'normal kindergarten is very different. I would think this time, she may need a lot of time to setting down.
In any case, don't let her hates going to school. My boy doesn't want to go sch, in the past and present. when it comes to holiday, he cheers. This is something u have to avoid. Tackle this problem now, otherwise you have more problems later on.

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Re: School Refusal

Postby ZuEn » Fri May 06, 2011 10:16 am

deminc wrote:
ZuEn wrote:This morning, the same thing happened. -_______-"
All the promises that she made to go to school are gone. Cried buckets, called me countless times.


She is ONLY three. She doesn't even know when her birthday is, how can she make a promise? If you must have her in the school, then just be reassuring towards her and don't take things to heart.


Maybe "promises" is too much a word lah.
We asked her if she will go to school and she said "yes".
She even tell my mum "cannot dont go to school".
Then stage her drama mama I-don't-want-school this morning.

ZuEn
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