If you love me.. / You do not love me..

Parental influence on children in the first 12 years of their lives have a permanent effect. Unfortunately, children come with no user manual. Each child is different from the other. Discuss how to handle emotional and educational needs of your child here.

If you love me.. / You do not love me..

Postby ppnqq » Sat May 07, 2011 8:46 pm

Anyone knows how to handle a 3, 4 years old kid if he is always saying things like "you do not love me one" whenever we do not help him do or agree to something or requesting us to do something for him or that when he gets some scolding or punishment for us? Occasionally he would also say "if you love me.." instead of "you do not love me one.." :gloomy: :sweat: :frustrated:

:?: :?: :?:

ppnqq
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Re: If you love me.. / You do not love me..

Postby VisualTextEducation » Sun May 08, 2011 11:46 pm

According to Piaget Theory of cognitive development, your child belongs to the pre-operational stage of the symbolic function substage. Which means your child is unable to distinguish between their own perspective and that of another person's. Children at that age tend to pick their own view of what they see rather than the actual view shown to others. This is an experiment performed by Piaget and Barbel Inhelder. Primitive reasoning will only start from age 4 onwards depending on your child. So, do not worry too much yah... Your child will only start to comprehend some things at a later age. So do bear with it because logical reasoning do not go with them at the moment... =)

I hope that helps.....

VisualTextEducation
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Re: If you love me.. / You do not love me..

Postby Jennifer » Mon May 09, 2011 10:09 pm

Borrow the dvd "Charlie and the Choco fty" and watch together with your child. Quite a few msg of love in this story. How different parenting styles affect the child.

Jennifer
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Re: If you love me.. / You do not love me..

Postby Wan » Tue May 10, 2011 8:05 am

My girl usu says "I don't like you" when she's scolded. She'll
walk away, do her things for a while and continue talking to/ playing with me. I suppose there is nothing wrong saying something in reaction to a scolding. But when a punishment is done, make sure the child knows why he/she knows why he/she is punished. Otherwise, explain & use real life examples. After that, reassure that u love him but was upset bcos he has done wrong. Give more praises when he does right. Praises & punishment should be proportionate

Wan
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Re: If you love me.. / You do not love me..

Postby stsy_26 » Tue May 10, 2011 10:55 am

Children usually imitate what they see or hear from adults ard them. I know first hand cos my older gal sounds EXACTLY like me when talking / "scolding" her younger sis, so WE hv to be really careful in our choice of words and what we say to our kids.

Do you or ur hubs or any other adult your child is with during the day use the word "love" in relation to his behaviour? For eg, i've heard of grandparents say to their grandkids that if they misbehave, their mummy won't love them anymore. In such situations, the kid then associates naughty behaviour with the word 'love' without really understanding what it means. So when they get scolded or punished or rejected, they just verbalise it with the phrase they associate punishment with - 'You dun love me".

The above is just me personal opinion. I advocate using only positive words when speaking to kids. And oso being very careful with choice of words cos kids absorb wat we say like a sponge, and will use it against u one day!! Whether they fully understand what they are saying! Sometimes it's really funny when u hear them speak like u, and at other times, it's quite a slap in the face when u realise how u really sound when talking "down" to them!

Saying that, it becomes a REAL challange when u're so mad at them n yelling them at full force, and going thru ur whole mental dictionary of "positive-only" scolding words to use! Hahahahah!!!

stsy_26
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Re: If you love me.. / You do not love me..

Postby ppnqq » Wed May 11, 2011 11:25 am

jessicawongcs wrote:DS pick up "i dont like u anymore" or "u dont love me so scold me" after he goes to school. but after explaining from us, he stops using it. maybe it is one of the stages of growing up


Mine too, but at least yours accepted your explanation but not mine, he will keep repeating those sentences while crying as well although after a while he would be 'back to normal'. :stupid:

ppnqq
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Re: If you love me.. / You do not love me..

Postby ppnqq » Wed May 11, 2011 11:27 am

stsy_26 wrote:Children usually imitate what they see or hear from adults ard them. I know first hand cos my older gal sounds EXACTLY like me when talking / "scolding" her younger sis, so WE hv to be really careful in our choice of words and what we say to our kids.

Do you or ur hubs or any other adult your child is with during the day use the word "love" in relation to his behaviour? For eg, i've heard of grandparents say to their grandkids that if they misbehave, their mummy won't love them anymore. In such situations, the kid then associates naughty behaviour with the word 'love' without really understanding what it means. So when they get scolded or punished or rejected, they just verbalise it with the phrase they associate punishment with - 'You dun love me".

The above is just me personal opinion. I advocate using only positive words when speaking to kids. And oso being very careful with choice of words cos kids absorb wat we say like a sponge, and will use it against u one day!! Whether they fully understand what they are saying! Sometimes it's really funny when u hear them speak like u, and at other times, it's quite a slap in the face when u realise how u really sound when talking "down" to them!

Saying that, it becomes a REAL challange when u're so mad at them n yelling them at full force, and going thru ur whole mental dictionary of "positive-only" scolding words to use! Hahahahah!!!


No, we don't, he is in full day ccc and picked up lots of things there (mostly bad) :(

ppnqq
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Re: If you love me.. / You do not love me..

Postby ppnqq » Wed May 11, 2011 11:27 am

VisualTextEducation wrote:According to Piaget Theory of cognitive development, your child belongs to the pre-operational stage of the symbolic function substage. Which means your child is unable to distinguish between their own perspective and that of another person's. Children at that age tend to pick their own view of what they see rather than the actual view shown to others. This is an experiment performed by Piaget and Barbel Inhelder. Primitive reasoning will only start from age 4 onwards depending on your child. So, do not worry too much yah... Your child will only start to comprehend some things at a later age. So do bear with it because logical reasoning do not go with them at the moment... =)

I hope that helps.....


Thank you. :smile:

ppnqq
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Re: If you love me.. / You do not love me..

Postby ppnqq » Wed May 11, 2011 11:29 am

Jennifer wrote:Borrow the dvd "Charlie and the Choco fty" and watch together with your child. Quite a few msg of love in this story. How different parenting styles affect the child.


Thank you Jennifer, will try to find it. Btw, may I know where you borrowed this pls.

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Re: If you love me.. / You do not love me..

Postby stsy_26 » Wed May 11, 2011 6:33 pm

Ah yes... CCC... I put my DD1 in 1/2 day child care for abt a yr when she was 3 cos DD2 was born. Just half a day there and it un-did all the good things i taught her in 3 yrs!! Came back wiping nose and mouth on her clothes instead of using tissue. And yes, uses language that wld make us adults blush!! Everyday when she comes back, i gotta undo all the damage done during the first half of the day!

But now that we know the influence is from there, we can breathe easier cos it's just as jessicawongcs says, it's monkey see monkey do. So dun take it personally! Encourage him to verbalise his feelings in proper words like "I dun like being punished" or "I'm upset u din get me that toy"

stsy_26
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