Sensitive Topics to Talk to Your Teen

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Sensitive Topics to Talk to Your Teen

Postby Pen88n » Mon Jun 13, 2011 11:50 am

Sensitive (but Essential) Topics to Discussed with Your Teenager

Most people will agree that nowadays the teenagers are different from the past – they are more exposed (due to the various media) and more matured (I have doubts about the level of maturity but nonetheless, they are more matured than we are at that age). Given that there are many cases of “folly” acts that have hurt people or family, there is a need to educate and nurture these teenagers with such knowledge. However, teens being teens, they do not like to listen to lectures, especially from parents. So how do we approach such sensitive topics such as BGR or suicide?

I would suggest that you can consider starting with newspaper discussion or referring to someone you know. When the family is having dinner or sitting together for a relaxing night, talk about what you have read on the papers. Make sure you / your spouse is able to talk about it leisurely as a “outsider” with objective view and no emotional involvement (especially no scolding or linking to your teenager’s own action), and to present a more neutral stand taking into consideration the potential drive behind the act.

For example, take the case of the Secondary 4 boy who “smuggled” a handphone into the “O” Level exam hall and took a picture of the front page of the subject paper. He posted that on his Facebook and dared others to do the same. New started spreading about his act and MOE investigated into it. Ended up he got “Ungraded” for his “O” Level.

You can talk about what you read in the paper and discuss the following:
1. Why the Secondary 4 boy did that? – just a prank, for fun, to show-off, etc.
2. Why did MOE take such a strong view on this? – set as an example
3. What are the consequences? – no “O” Level certificate
4. Price he paid for it? – how serious is it compared with his initial thought of just a prank
5. What can be done next? – he can retake his “O” Level
6. Did he learn his lesson? - actually no, he went ahead with another boosting online which again nearly got him into trouble

For a start, you may want to consider discussing some less sensitive topics, such as:
1. Animal abuse
2. Maid abuse
3. Food scare
4. Poverty in some areas

Then you may proceed to sensitive topics you will want to discuss after you get more at ease with such discussion:
1. Gang activity
2. Drug abuse
3. Pornography
4. Underage sex
5. Dumping babies
6. Suicide
7. BGR

The topics are just some suggestion and it is not an exhaustive list. There is no specific sequence and certain topics can be linked – it’s really up to you.

Some “do-not” that you should take note in such discussion:
- no criticism
- everyone should be able to voice their opinion freely
- do not judge your teen by his opinion
- present different viewpoints and need to be perceived to be fair (even if you may have very strong opinion against it)
- do not be emotional
- do not link these discussion to your teenager’s action

Some highlights you can also take note to incorporate into the discussion:
- what drives the act (this will highlight the emotion or pain which the teen may be able to relate)
- what are the consequences?
- is it a worthwhile price to pay for such an act?
- what can be done instead?
- given this situation now, what can the next step / way forward?

By opening a channel of discussion as such, you can hear your teenager’s viewpoint, and hopefully win his / her trust in discussing their concerns with you. All the best in parenting your teen(s).

Pen88n
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Re: Sensitive Topics to Talk to Your Teen

Postby One--step-at-a-time » Sat Jul 09, 2011 5:01 pm

Thank you for posting this. My children are both under 10yo but I feel motivated to start after reading your recommendations!

One--step-at-a-time
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Re: Sensitive Topics to Talk to Your Teen

Postby flyfree » Sun Jul 17, 2011 12:02 am

Pen88n wrote:Sensitive (but Essential) Topics to Discussed with Your Teenager

Most people will agree that nowadays the teenagers are different from the past – they are more exposed (due to the various media) and more matured (I have doubts about the level of maturity but nonetheless, they are more matured than we are at that age). Given that there are many cases of “folly” acts that have hurt people or family, there is a need to educate and nurture these teenagers with such knowledge. However, teens being teens, they do not like to listen to lectures, especially from parents. So how do we approach such sensitive topics such as BGR or suicide?

I would suggest that you can consider starting with newspaper discussion or referring to someone you know. When the family is having dinner or sitting together for a relaxing night, talk about what you have read on the papers. Make sure you / your spouse is able to talk about it leisurely as a “outsider” with objective view and no emotional involvement (especially no scolding or linking to your teenager’s own action), and to present a more neutral stand taking into consideration the potential drive behind the act.

For example, take the case of the Secondary 4 boy who “smuggled” a handphone into the “O” Level exam hall and took a picture of the front page of the subject paper. He posted that on his Facebook and dared others to do the same. New started spreading about his act and MOE investigated into it. Ended up he got “Ungraded” for his “O” Level.

You can talk about what you read in the paper and discuss the following:
1. Why the Secondary 4 boy did that? – just a prank, for fun, to show-off, etc.
2. Why did MOE take such a strong view on this? – set as an example
3. What are the consequences? – no “O” Level certificate
4. Price he paid for it? – how serious is it compared with his initial thought of just a prank
5. What can be done next? – he can retake his “O” Level
6. Did he learn his lesson? - actually no, he went ahead with another boosting online which again nearly got him into trouble

For a start, you may want to consider discussing some less sensitive topics, such as:
1. Animal abuse
2. Maid abuse
3. Food scare
4. Poverty in some areas

Then you may proceed to sensitive topics you will want to discuss after you get more at ease with such discussion:
1. Gang activity
2. Drug abuse
3. Pornography
4. Underage sex
5. Dumping babies
6. Suicide
7. BGR

The topics are just some suggestion and it is not an exhaustive list. There is no specific sequence and certain topics can be linked – it’s really up to you.

Some “do-not” that you should take note in such discussion:
- no criticism
- everyone should be able to voice their opinion freely
- do not judge your teen by his opinion
- present different viewpoints and need to be perceived to be fair (even if you may have very strong opinion against it)
- do not be emotional
- do not link these discussion to your teenager’s action

Some highlights you can also take note to incorporate into the discussion:
- what drives the act (this will highlight the emotion or pain which the teen may be able to relate)
- what are the consequences?
- is it a worthwhile price to pay for such an act?
- what can be done instead?
- given this situation now, what can the next step / way forward?

By opening a channel of discussion as such, you can hear your teenager’s viewpoint, and hopefully win his / her trust in discussing their concerns with you. All the best in parenting your teen(s).


When is the appropriate age to teach sex to children? nowdays, child matures very early. Who shd teach, mum or dad?
:please: :please:

flyfree
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Re: Sensitive Topics to Talk to Your Teen

Postby BeContented » Sun Jul 17, 2011 12:12 am

Pen88n wrote:Sensitive (but Essential) Topics to Discussed with Your Teenager

Most people will agree that nowadays the teenagers are different from the past – they are more exposed (due to the various media) and more matured (I have doubts about the level of maturity but nonetheless, they are more matured than we are at that age). Given that there are many cases of “folly” acts that have hurt people or family, there is a need to educate and nurture these teenagers with such knowledge. However, teens being teens, they do not like to listen to lectures, especially from parents. So how do we approach such sensitive topics such as BGR or suicide?

I would suggest that you can consider starting with newspaper discussion or referring to someone you know. When the family is having dinner or sitting together for a relaxing night, talk about what you have read on the papers. Make sure you / your spouse is able to talk about it leisurely as a “outsider” with objective view and no emotional involvement (especially no scolding or linking to your teenager’s own action), and to present a more neutral stand taking into consideration the potential drive behind the act.

For example, take the case of the Secondary 4 boy who “smuggled” a handphone into the “O” Level exam hall and took a picture of the front page of the subject paper. He posted that on his Facebook and dared others to do the same. New started spreading about his act and MOE investigated into it. Ended up he got “Ungraded” for his “O” Level.

You can talk about what you read in the paper and discuss the following:
1. Why the Secondary 4 boy did that? – just a prank, for fun, to show-off, etc.
2. Why did MOE take such a strong view on this? – set as an example
3. What are the consequences? – no “O” Level certificate
4. Price he paid for it? – how serious is it compared with his initial thought of just a prank
5. What can be done next? – he can retake his “O” Level
6. Did he learn his lesson? - actually no, he went ahead with another boosting online which again nearly got him into trouble

For a start, you may want to consider discussing some less sensitive topics, such as:
1. Animal abuse
2. Maid abuse
3. Food scare
4. Poverty in some areas

Then you may proceed to sensitive topics you will want to discuss after you get more at ease with such discussion:
1. Gang activity
2. Drug abuse
3. Pornography
4. Underage sex
5. Dumping babies
6. Suicide
7. BGR

The topics are just some suggestion and it is not an exhaustive list. There is no specific sequence and certain topics can be linked – it’s really up to you.

Some “do-not” that you should take note in such discussion:
- no criticism
- everyone should be able to voice their opinion freely
- do not judge your teen by his opinion
- present different viewpoints and need to be perceived to be fair (even if you may have very strong opinion against it)
- do not be emotional
- do not link these discussion to your teenager’s action

Some highlights you can also take note to incorporate into the discussion:
- what drives the act (this will highlight the emotion or pain which the teen may be able to relate)
- what are the consequences?
- is it a worthwhile price to pay for such an act?
- what can be done instead?
- given this situation now, what can the next step / way forward?

By opening a channel of discussion as such, you can hear your teenager’s viewpoint, and hopefully win his / her trust in discussing their concerns with you. All the best in parenting your teen(s).


Thanks for all the tips :) Will try to start some of them with my kids.....

BeContented
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Re: Sensitive Topics to Talk to Your Teen

Postby LOLMum » Sun Jul 17, 2011 12:36 am

[quote="flyfree

When is the appropriate age to teach sex to children? nowdays, child matures very early. Who shd teach, mum or dad?
:please: :please:[/quote]


dh was not very comfortable with it, so i did the talking.

i spoke very bluntly to dd about sex at i think about 9 or 10 years old. started by talking about menstruation follow by safe sex etc. i dont believe in using birds and bees cos' kids now are really a smarter lots and i will encourage her to talk to her friends about sex and feedback to me so that i can correct any wrong beliefs.

i intend to talk to ds when he is 12 years old.

some things i need to stress are pls remind the boys that it is a crime to have sex with underaged girls even if both are willing parties. secondly, no matter what happen, pls be patient and understanding with the kids. kids should go to their parents if they are in trouble and not do anything silly. there are too many cases of abandoned babies (dead and alive).

LOLMum
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Re: Sensitive Topics to Talk to Your Teen

Postby smartmummy » Sun Aug 21, 2011 4:31 pm

http://youtu.be/xCdo6oUv0qQ
The above video clip about teen chatting and parents don't know about it.Pls watch it.

smartmummy
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Re: Sensitive Topics to Talk to Your Teen

Postby notakidnoraparent » Wed Sep 07, 2011 1:02 am

I don't know about it. But my parents didn't really talk to me about sex and stuff. Or rather they never have. I find that if parents take the trouble to go and talk about it to their kids, they would find it redundant. I think there will be a chance for the situation for the parents to talk about it. For instance like when you are watching news together and news mentioned about certain issues, you can tell them about it and how they shouldn't do it. Though I believe this would not end up in a serious discussion.

Yet if parents have the intention before hand to talk about it, it would kind of not have any effect at all.

notakidnoraparent
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Re: Sensitive Topics to Talk to Your Teen

Postby EN » Wed Oct 05, 2011 8:08 am

Excellent sharing! I am facing with a growing up daughter. I am not sure how to bring up sensitive subjects. Sharing information and discussing issues through shared media is a relax way of bringing up very highly sensitive topics. The video is really good too. Thanks for sharing!

EN
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Re: Sensitive Topics to Talk to Your Teen

Postby heyhoe » Wed Oct 05, 2011 9:05 am

Thanks for sharing the information. I hope to include this in our family meeting. Shall start with newspaper cutting :)

Meanwhile, any tips on how to talk to him about the importance of choosing the right friends? My DS has a group of good friends in his student care and school. His best friend is a very intelligent boy but I find that he doesn't have a good attitude. Eg. he kicked his student care teacher and spout bad words. I tried telling him that these are examples that he should not follow. I think he knew but he's very protective of his friends.

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Re: Sensitive Topics to Talk to Your Teen

Postby thatsmygirl » Sun Oct 30, 2011 5:50 pm

very very sensitive indeed...
especially asian parents...
Since i did not start this habit of heart to heart talk with them since young, it is kind of hard and awkward to start now...
any tips?


:cry:

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