how much should you indulge your child?

Parental influence on children in the first 12 years of their lives have a permanent effect. Unfortunately, children come with no user manual. Each child is different from the other. Discuss how to handle emotional and educational needs of your child here.

how much should you indulge your child?

Postby pinkysymphony » Tue Sep 20, 2011 3:27 pm

Hi everyone, my first post here. My friends just became parents and while choosing a gift I remembered something that has been bothering me for a while.
My parents seldom got me things I wanted when I was young because they were afraid of spoiling me. When I grew up and had the means to get the things I wanted as a child… I couldn’t enjoy it anymore because I was too old for it. There are just some things that you can only enjoy in your childhood.
So, what do you all think of indulging your child? How much is too much? When I become a parent I don’t want to make the mistake but I don’t want to spoil my child either.

pinkysymphony
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Re: how much should you indulge your child?

Postby UncleLim » Tue Sep 20, 2011 6:01 pm

pinkysymphony wrote:Hi everyone, my first post here. My friends just became parents and while choosing a gift I remembered something that has been bothering me for a while.
My parents seldom got me things I wanted when I was young because they were afraid of spoiling me. When I grew up and had the means to get the things I wanted as a child… I couldn’t enjoy it anymore because I was too old for it. There are just some things that you can only enjoy in your childhood.
So, what do you all think of indulging your child? How much is too much? When I become a parent I don’t want to make the mistake but I don’t want to spoil my child either.


:rahrah: :rahrah: Welcome pinksymphony ! :smile:

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Re: how much should you indulge your child?

Postby Angelight » Tue Sep 20, 2011 7:31 pm

Hi pinksymphony, just to share. I didn't have much as a child, my toys were all improvished. Now my DD has alot more toys than I had, mostly bought or given by other people. I seldom buy her toys, only clothes and books. I think the key is moderation, not overly indulgence becos children learn from young. When they are given much, they will learn to demand much later in life.

Angelight
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Re: how much should you indulge your child?

Postby Chenonceau » Tue Sep 20, 2011 9:02 pm

I think what a child wants most is YOU. I gave my kids odds and ends to play with. Empty shampoo bottles, toilet rolls, discarded boxes, ice cream sticks... They had loads of fun with those. And neither of mine seem to think they had a deprived childhood... when I ask them. Or maybe they dun wanna hurt my feelings... teeheehee.

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Re: how much should you indulge your child?

Postby tamarind » Tue Sep 20, 2011 9:07 pm

pinkysymphony wrote:Hi everyone, my first post here. My friends just became parents and while choosing a gift I remembered something that has been bothering me for a while.
My parents seldom got me things I wanted when I was young because they were afraid of spoiling me. When I grew up and had the means to get the things I wanted as a child… I couldn’t enjoy it anymore because I was too old for it. There are just some things that you can only enjoy in your childhood.
So, what do you all think of indulging your child? How much is too much? When I become a parent I don’t want to make the mistake but I don’t want to spoil my child either.


When I was young, my family was very poor and I had very few toys. Now that I have kids, I bought them the best toys that I can find, most of them shipped from USA. In a way I am indulging myself because I never had these toys when I was young.

Personally I think that educational toys are as important as books. I bought toys like Lego, ZOOB, KNEX, LAQ, Geo Trax, which are excellent for developing fine motor skills, problem solving skills and creativity. The fact is that while most parents are forcing their kids to practice writing words since the age of 3, I did not have to do so. I let my kids play most of the time, and thanks to the good toys, they can write very neatly by 6 years old. There are many good toys sold in USA because American parents fully understand the importance of good toys in a child's development. Personally I feel that most of the toys sold locally are not worth buying.

One important point to note is that I only buy something for my kids when they have done enough hard work to earn it. For example, when they have finished reading a very long and difficult book to me.

Kids get spoiled only when they get whatever they ask for easily. We need to teach them that they can only get something when they have worked hard enough. This is so much better than not giving them anything at all.

Even though we were very poor, my mother allowed me to buy anything that I want, so long as I saved enough from my daily allowance. I remember that I saved all my allowance of 30 cents a day so that I can buy my favourite comic books and my mother never criticized me. Well, I think I have to be a very responsible adult who knows how to work hard and save to get what I want :wink:

Children only have one childhood, let them have happy memories.

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Re: how much should you indulge your child?

Postby Mdm Koh » Tue Sep 20, 2011 11:18 pm

My family was poor too. I had some cheap masak-masak toys, one Lego set and two Barbie dolls. That was it. My books collection was made up of hand-me-downs, books that relatives bought me at Christmas and prizes that I had won in school.

It's my opinion that these days, many of us really do indulge the kids. I read in a childhood education book that it's not wise to buy too many gadgets and toys for young children. It will cause them to have a short-term interest in things, because even before they've finished playing with a toy, they have a new one! Increasingly, they will get bored more easily and show a lack of focus, which can spill over to other areas of their lives, such as in their schoolwork.

I do believe in what the book says.

Mdm Koh
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Re: how much should you indulge your child?

Postby Funz » Wed Sep 21, 2011 11:42 am

Growing up, we were not exactly poor. But I do not remember having that many toys. A set of masak masak toys that me and my sis will share and fen jia when we fight :laugh: . Board games like Monopoly, Othello, but no Barbie dolls. One thing we had was an abundance of books. On birthdays, we tend not to get toys but clothes and angbaos.

My kids, well, I do not buy them toys, DH is doing a good enough job of piling up their stash of toys. I am fighting a losing battle trying to get DH to curb his buying. Right now, I am trying to get him to make the kids work for what they want. Problem is no only do I have to contend with kids who will challenge me, I have to manage a husband who has already purchased what they wanted and dying to just whip the items out and present it to them. :slapshead:

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Re: how much should you indulge your child?

Postby jedamum » Wed Sep 21, 2011 12:09 pm

Mdm Koh wrote:My family was poor too. I had some cheap masak-masak toys, one Lego set and two Barbie dolls. That was it. My books collection was made up of hand-me-downs, books that relatives bought me at Christmas and prizes that I had won in school.

haha...mdm koh...being able to own lego and barbie set is a different degree of 'poor' la. for us, while other classmates brought barbie dolls to school, i owned a cheap plastic doll that costs less than $2 as a reward for my SA2 results. the difference is that all the clothings are sewn by my mum which makes it one of a kind doll that my classmates yearn. :wink: my allowance was 10-20c, but the difference is that i had homemade cakes/kways which even my teacher liked :wink:. all our toys were savaged from piles that were left behind when neighbours from our rental block shifted out. occasionally, my dad would bring us some toys which his colleague passed to him or he 'found' somewhere (obviously used toys with some broken parts). for some reasons, i had no easy access to books except sch textbooks. i had to be a school/class librarian to get the chance to be nearer to non-academic books.

hm...but can we say how much we indulged in our kids are dependent on our childhood experiences? i guess yes. i have siblings and while we had similar childhood background, the experience we grew up with were different. we now have very different principles on indulgence for our children no matter the type of income. the primary reason in such differences is the practice of favouritism during childhood and very much one's own personality.

i don't think i indulge my children with much material gains. my ds1's dream of an ideal outing is a trip to the Stationery store (or daiso :sweat:). however, we still do indulge our children by spending having more frequent meal outings which the children enjoys.

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Re: how much should you indulge your child?

Postby MMM » Wed Sep 21, 2011 12:11 pm

When my kids were younger eg. toddler, I used to buy lots of stuff. Toys, clothes, shoes, books, etc.... I would buy it when I see and and is not price conscious. I really indulge. But with them in primary school and the youngest in K2, I stopped buying toys for awhile now. Yes, my son would have his beyblades, dh will indulge in him once in a while eg. during his birthday. But think about it, if everyone is playing and you don't even have any, that seems alittle mean right.

Recently he asked us for a camera. Normal camera these days are not expensive. But think he had those DSLR type in mind.... He is only P3. We didn't get that for him, but we got him a canon camera with high megapixel during the fair. But this is not given to him yet, he has to earn it through good results and behavior. He didn't do as expected during CA2 so I told him we shall wait for SA2.

Also, we are going to bring them for F1 this saturday. More for exposure and we know they are keen on it. So while we indulge, it is usually to reward certain behaviour or performance. We don't want them to grow up thinking that things come easy and they can take it for granted. They have to earn it.

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Re: how much should you indulge your child?

Postby Mdm Koh » Wed Sep 21, 2011 12:20 pm

jedamum wrote:
Mdm Koh wrote:My family was poor too. I had some cheap masak-masak toys, one Lego set and two Barbie dolls. That was it. My books collection was made up of hand-me-downs, books that relatives bought me at Christmas and prizes that I had won in school.

haha...mdm koh...being able to own lego and barbie set is a different degree of 'poor' la. for us, while other classmates brought barbie dolls to school, i owned a cheap plastic doll that costs less than $2 as a reward for my SA2 results. the difference is that all the clothings are sewn by my mum which makes it one of a kind doll that my classmates yearn. :wink: my allowance was 10-20c, but the difference is that i had homemade cakes/kways which even my teacher liked :wink:. all our toys were savaged from piles that were left behind when neighbours from our rental block shifted out. occasionally, my dad would bring us some toys which his colleague passed to him or he 'found' somewhere (obviously used toys with some broken parts). for some reasons, i had no easy access to books except sch textbooks. i had to be a school/class librarian to get the chance to be nearer to non-academic books.

hm...but can we say how much we indulged in our kids are dependent on our childhood experiences? i guess yes. i have siblings and while we had similar childhood background, the experience we grew up with were different. we now have very different principles on indulgence for our children no matter the type of income. the primary reason in such differences is the practice of favouritism during childhood and very much one's own personality.

i don't think i indulge my children with much material gains. my ds1's dream of an ideal outing is a trip to the Stationery store (or daiso :sweat:). however, we still do indulge our children by spending having more frequent meal outings which the children enjoys.


For my time in the 1980s to the 1990s, my family was considered quite poor. We lived in a rented flat with no bedroom and a dimly lit corridor when majority of families then could at least afford a three-room flat.

Nowadays, many parents and children have not even seen those 一房半厅 flats before. However, they're still around and those who live there now are mostly old folks or lower income families. Students can experience how life is like there when they go for CIP. :smile:

I guess although we were poor, I was still doted on in some ways, hence the two Barbie dolls. :wink:
Last edited by Mdm Koh on Wed Sep 21, 2011 12:29 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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