Mean classmates

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Mean classmates

Postby westmom » Fri Apr 10, 2009 11:46 pm

For parents with older kids, may i ask what is the most effective "method" to handle mean classmates/schoolmates? Especially girls in upper primary who may "laugh/call mean names/taunt" your child. Do you tell your child to "ignore" them (hopefully they will get bored and shift their attention elsewhere) or tell your child to "give it back" to the meanies (which may create this vicious cylce again)?

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Re: Mean classmates

Postby Francis » Sat Apr 11, 2009 1:06 pm

westmom wrote:For parents with older kids, may i ask what is the most effective "method" to handle mean classmates/schoolmates? Especially girls in upper primary who may "laugh/call mean names/taunt" your child. Do you tell your child to "ignore" them (hopefully they will get bored and shift their attention elsewhere) or tell your child to "give it back" to the meanies (which may create this vicious cylce again)?


Tell your gal to tag along with some other gals.Threaten to report to the teacher/principle as you have other gals as witness. Try to ignor them-2nd choice. Or, just say-oh ya! hope as time goes by they will stop.

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Postby westmom » Mon Apr 13, 2009 12:11 pm

Thanks Francis. 1st option won't work as they will wait for chance when they are out of ear-shot by other classmates...I guess, need to try option 2 !

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Postby Guest » Mon Apr 13, 2009 1:38 pm

For me, I may like to understand the root of the problem.

Why are they doing this to her?
Are they jealous, insecure or simply trying to get your girl's attention?
If it is specific to my child, I will ask her to stick to friends that matter and continue to show how well she can function despite their "torment" and let those girls deal with their own insecurities. After a while, they will get tired of their childish acts. If you return them a taste of their own medicine, they will only try to outdo her. In fact, if there is any opportunity to help them, your girl should just extend friendship to them and help them, then they may be ashamed of their own childish acts. If they cannot repent, then they are doomed, not your girl's duty to reform them, it is the parents' and counsellor's job.

Are they picking her because she appears meek?
Then I will ask my girl to stick to a group of friends who are ok with her to show strength and the bullies may back off. Meanwhile, also coach her to work on her weakness so that she will not be picked as a potential candidate for the bullies. Will also feedback to the form teacher that there are such bullies preying on the quiet and meek ones.

Are they generally doing this to a few kids in the class?
Then I will build up a case and work with the form teacher if this is a bigger issue in the class. Typically problem kids come from problem families and the teachers need to be notified and that is when counsellors will also be called upon. In the daily teaching class, the teacher can inject some values learning in the lessons to reflect the badness of their behaviour.

Btw, if the situation is severe and your girl can predict when they would display their naughty acts, get the form teacher to be present quietly to witness the situation. But this is only possible if the situation is very severe and you know when they will strike.

Hope this helps.
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Postby Francis » Wed Apr 15, 2009 2:17 pm

ks2me wrote:For me, I may like to understand the root of the problem.

Why are they doing this to her?
Are they jealous, insecure or simply trying to get your girl's attention?
If it is specific to my child, I will ask her to stick to friends that matter and continue to show how well she can function despite their "torment" and let those girls deal with their own insecurities. After a while, they will get tired of their childish acts. If you return them a taste of their own medicine, they will only try to outdo her. In fact, if there is any opportunity to help them, your girl should just extend friendship to them and help them, then they may be ashamed of their own childish acts. If they cannot repent, then they are doomed, not your girl's duty to reform them, it is the parents' and counsellor's job.

Are they picking her because she appears meek?
Then I will ask my girl to stick to a group of friends who are ok with her to show strength and the bullies may back off. Meanwhile, also coach her to work on her weakness so that she will not be picked as a potential candidate for the bullies. Will also feedback to the form teacher that there are such bullies preying on the quiet and meek ones.

Are they generally doing this to a few kids in the class?
Then I will build up a case and work with the form teacher if this is a bigger issue in the class. Typically problem kids come from problem families and the teachers need to be notified and that is when counsellors will also be called upon. In the daily teaching class, the teacher can inject some values learning in the lessons to reflect the badness of their behaviour.

Btw, if the situation is severe and your girl can predict when they would display their naughty acts, get the form teacher to be present quietly to witness the situation. But this is only possible if the situation is very severe and you know when they will strike.

Hope this helps.

The form teacher will think that your girl is a trouble maker. All they want is-I finish teaching,I relax,end of mth,pay in my bank. This kind of problem happen to my girl in this stupid school yrs ago(now in sec 1).There's a saying-if a horse is tamed,people ride on it,if we r tamed,people will bully us.

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Postby Francis » Wed Apr 15, 2009 2:24 pm

westmom wrote:Thanks Francis. 1st option won't work as they will wait for chance when they are out of ear-shot by other classmates...I guess, need to try option 2 !

Tell your girl just keep on reply-oh ya......
After a few time if this don stop, tell your girl to rise her voice n say-get lost n don disturb me. The best time is during break time at the canteen. All this hooligoon will feel pai shay. This method works for my girl.

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Postby westmom » Thu Apr 16, 2009 12:38 pm

Ks2me - your analysis is well crafted..thanks! My dd just joined the class this year and left behind her good friends. About 10 of them came into this new class, therefore the other 30 would have established their own cliques or groups. This gal sits beside my dd and will use opportunity to call her names like "dumb dumb"etc Both this gal and her best friend will always snigger and chide her when there is a chance. Perhaps my dd is a bit slow and they are just trying to exude authority to new ones. I almost wanted to tell the form teacher but then I stopped myself - she's already P6 so I want her to learn how to deal with the situation herself. I rather give her advice instead (otherwise she will always depend on me to resolve problems). As she is "new"in the class, she doesn't have good friends yet.

Francis - you're partly right -teachers don't really like to care about such petty issues. As long as my daughter is not so "traumatised" or physically harmed, better not "disturb" them!

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