K2 boy always want to win, cannot accept defeat

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K2 boy always want to win, cannot accept defeat

Postby ckhoo5 » Mon Nov 14, 2011 1:44 pm

Dear parents,

My K2 boy, whenever in his childcare whether playing games or any other things that will have a winning & losing team, he will cry if he/ his team are defeated. Been telling himm upmost times that winning & losing is part of the game, it's not tat important, most impt is you enjoy the games with your frenz.. but he still cannot accept it.. sigh :roll:
How do you encourage your kids who likes to win all the time? I'm worried he is putting unnecessary stress to himself. Next year he will be in P1 & there will be more ppl in 1 class, and definately you can't win all the time..

ckhoo5
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Re: K2 boy always want to win, cannot accept defeat

Postby Busymom » Mon Nov 14, 2011 4:09 pm

I think all children go through this phase of wanting to win all the time, especially for games? We experienced it for DD, and now DS (4yo) as well even though he is not competitive by nature.

We played some board games, and over time, DD became less affected when she lost. Not sure if she just becomes more matured with age, or the games have helped.

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Re: K2 boy always want to win, cannot accept defeat

Postby sunset_dae » Mon Nov 14, 2011 4:44 pm

My 4 year old boy will also behave like this, if i give him 40 qn of assessment books to do, and i mark it, he will be very conscious of whether he can get all correct anot, if 3 mistakes made, he will tell me:" Huh, y got mistakes, y not all correct.." I will always tell him wrong is ok, never mind. The teachers in his childcare centre also feedback to me that he is kiasu when teachers teach, he will insist sitting on the front row to listen and see better though he is the tallest in the class.
But come to think off it, i think its better for him to have a kiasu mentality then a brush off attitude, at least i know when it comes to study, he will study hard.

ckhoo5 wrote:Dear parents,

My K2 boy, whenever in his childcare whether playing games or any other things that will have a winning & losing team, he will cry if he/ his team are defeated. Been telling himm upmost times that winning & losing is part of the game, it's not tat important, most impt is you enjoy the games with your frenz.. but he still cannot accept it.. sigh :roll:
How do you encourage your kids who likes to win all the time? I'm worried he is putting unnecessary stress to himself. Next year he will be in P1 & there will be more ppl in 1 class, and definately you can't win all the time..

sunset_dae
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Re: K2 boy always want to win, cannot accept defeat

Postby smurf » Mon Nov 14, 2011 4:54 pm

its good to have this kind of mentality! I wish my p1 can be more kiasu. its better so that he or she will be more competitive. my p1 NOT competitive at all. he can get all question wrong and he is unaffected at all.

you are very lucky!

smurf
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Re: K2 boy always want to win, cannot accept defeat

Postby sunset_dae » Mon Nov 14, 2011 5:05 pm

Yes exactly! Dont worry too much, kids not motivated we stress, kids too motivated we also stress! i have colleagues kids exam results were like 50 plus upon 100, then the mummy was telling me:" Heng ah, pass!" I was like huh only P2 leh!

smurf wrote:its good to have this kind of mentality! I wish my p1 can be more kiasu. its better so that he or she will be more competitive. my p1 NOT competitive at all. he can get all question wrong and he is unaffected at all.

you are very lucky!

sunset_dae
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Re: K2 boy always want to win, cannot accept defeat

Postby Chenonceau » Mon Nov 14, 2011 5:39 pm

My husband said "Kid... if you you lose often enough, you'll get used to it." Both kids were so mad at him.

Then there is also WHO they lose to. They dun mind losing to Daddy because they think Daddy is smart. They would cry their eyes out if they lost to ME. Years later they explained that it was shameful to lose to me because I am not as smart as Daddy. I wasn't pleased about that comment.

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Re: K2 boy always want to win, cannot accept defeat

Postby Sun_2010 » Mon Nov 14, 2011 5:51 pm

Chenonceau wrote:My husband said "Kid... if you you lose often enough, you'll get used to it." Both kids were so mad at him.

Then there is also WHO they lose to. They dun mind losing to Daddy because they think Daddy is smart. They would cry their eyes out if they lost to ME. Years later they explained that it was shameful to lose to me because I am not as smart as Daddy. I wasn't pleased about that comment.


Haha I bet not! :laugh:

At boardgames, my kids let Daddy win at times so that he will not feel "bad" :love:
With me they have no mercy :pokeeye:

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Re: K2 boy always want to win, cannot accept defeat

Postby cherrygal » Mon Nov 14, 2011 10:38 pm

I guess that "must-win" mentality eases as they mature. DS was like that too and I usually let him win at boardgames to avoid trouble. I told him frankly I wanted to lose so that he wouldn't cry. Then I would explain that losing is not painful at all.

Every time he wanted me to play such games, I would get him to promise not to cry if he lost and I would limit the number of games regardless of who wins or loses. I would usually let him win once or twice, then when I won, I would tell him it was my turn to win coz he won twice already. After the reminder, he wouldn't feel so bad losing that round to me. He soon got used to winning and losing.

Now I have no qualms about playing fair and square though occasionally I still let him win in order to end the game quickly. The game would drag if I kept winning.

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Re: K2 boy always want to win, cannot accept defeat

Postby markfch » Mon Nov 14, 2011 11:49 pm

cherrygal wrote:I guess that "must-win" mentality eases as they mature. DS was like that too and I usually let him win at boardgames to avoid trouble. I told him frankly I wanted to lose so that he wouldn't cry. Then I would explain that losing is not painful at all.


DS was liddat too. I used to let him win at boardgames all the time as I wanted him to be happy. Then one day his friend visited us and I noticed from their interaction that ds couldn't "afford" to lose. Nowadays I thrash ds all the time so that he can get used to losing.

The next big moment - I'm watching out for it - will be when ds tastes his first big failure, which will come sooner or later. That will be a big teaching moment for us. I hope I'll be ready (to teach) when that happens.
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Re: K2 boy always want to win, cannot accept defeat

Postby cherrygal » Tue Nov 15, 2011 12:25 am

DH is meaner and thrashes DS in Chinese chess all the time. When DS whined, we used that opp to teach him he needs to lose in order to learn how to win. If DH kept losing intentionally in chess, DS will never be able to learn the strategies to win.

DS is now accustomed to this mantra and he even picked up English chess from his friends at school.

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