How to train DD to be gentle?

Parental influence on children in the first 12 years of their lives have a permanent effect. Unfortunately, children come with no user manual. Each child is different from the other. Discuss how to handle emotional and educational needs of your child here.

How to train DD to be gentle?

Postby clonob » Tue Dec 13, 2011 12:25 am

I find my 17 months DD quite rough in her movements and the way she handle things. Lots of her books were either torn or crumpled (even with board book ). And today she walked like a gangster, with shoulders and hands swaying while walking (wonder where she learnt that out of the blue)!

How can I train her to be gentle? Please help! :?:

clonob
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Re: How to train DD to be gentle?

Postby Chenonceau » Wed Dec 14, 2011 10:29 am

clonob wrote:I find my 17 months DD quite rough in her movements and the way she handle things. Lots of her books were either torn or crumpled (even with board book ). And today she walked like a gangster, with shoulders and hands swaying while walking (wonder where she learnt that out of the blue)!

How can I train her to be gentle? Please help! :?:


They grow out of it naturally, I think. My DD was a tomboy till 18 years. Now, she is this slim, willowy thing with a gentle sway to her hips, and more than one person has commented that she is gentle and sweet. Underneath it though... she is as determined and ready for action as the next man. It'll take a while for a girl to develop this patina of femininity. One of my nieces was an absolute nightmare - loud and rough. Today, at 10, she is another willowy thing with long hair and large eyes. Another female who is a go getter.

At 17 months, your DD may still be clumsy in her movements because she cannot control her muscles very well. That might explain the torn books? Lastly, if you over correct at toddlerhood, she MAY go the other extreme during the Terrible Twos, Icky Threes, Horrible Fours and Feisty Fives. This MIGHT explain why she is now walking like a gangsta... She is doing the opposite of what you want.

Another way to encourage the development of girlishness (unobtrusively) is to increase the amount of time spent with a strong male authority figure. Girls natural tend to be more girly with their Daddy. You learn to be a girl by interacting with the opposite sex, in the same way you learn in ballroom dancing what to do when you dance with a male partner. My DD used to HATE wearing dresses until she went to JC. After she found a boyfriend she became even more feminine, even though she still likes her jeans.

Chenonceau
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Re: How to train DD to be gentle?

Postby clonob » Fri Dec 23, 2011 7:36 pm

Hi Chenonceau, thanks a lot for your advice :) Maybe I'll get my DH to play with her more often. Hopefully, she'll learn to be more gentle and girlie next time :xedfingers:

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Re: How to train DD to be gentle?

Postby seekingangels » Sun Jan 29, 2012 5:05 pm

It actually works! But it feels so upsetting that she would behave so rough with me and so gentle with her dad... it almost feels like she dislikes me.

seekingangels
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Re: How to train DD to be gentle?

Postby clonob » Fri Apr 20, 2012 5:52 am

Seeking angels, maybe u can try spending more time with your child and see whether this works?

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Re: How to train DD to be gentle?

Postby celebratelife » Wed Jun 13, 2012 1:18 pm

clonob wrote:I find my 17 months DD quite rough in her movements and the way she handle things. Lots of her books were either torn or crumpled (even with board book ). And today she walked like a gangster, with shoulders and hands swaying while walking (wonder where she learnt that out of the blue)!

How can I train her to be gentle? Please help! :?:


Dear clonob,

Gentleness usually arises from a state of mind. And materialises in the form of physical movements and behaviour. Inculcating the right values might help in the long-term basis. Two useful values are:

1. Compassion

2. Gratitude

If a children develop compassion towards others, they will usually be gentle - in her thoughts, speech and actions. And if children appreciate the things around them, they will be gentle towards them too.

For the practice of compassion, children can be taught to understand that all living things want to be respected and loved, just like them. Over time, this mutual understanding between others and themselves will manifest in their love for others. Gentleness in their mannerism and demeanour will gradually follow.

As for the development of gratitude, bringing them to less developed countries will widen their horizons and enable them to be grateful for what they have. In addition, emphasise on the fact that the food that we eat does not come easy. Draw a flow chart and show them how challenging it is for others to grow, prepare and deliver the rice to us. Talk about the time and efforts put in by farmers, delivery drivers, retailers etc. - up till the point where the bowl of rice is placed on our tables.

Media also has a strong influence on children. Sometimes they learn undesirable movements from movies and their surroundings. Children are like a sponge, absorbing everything in their sight. Care should be taken to ensure that they think, talk and behave in the right way.

I hope my comments are helpful.

Warmest Regards,
Patrick

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Re: How to train DD to be gentle?

Postby chenwj » Mon Jul 02, 2012 1:35 pm

Probably she will grow out of it. My niece was a little tomboy in primary school and has no interest in any things girly. Things changed in p6 when she requested to rebond her hair and preferred to wear skirts.

chenwj
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Baby Care

Postby adoreachild » Tue Jul 17, 2012 2:18 pm

This is happening as your child is now staying at home, So when she will join school and come in contact with some other children, automatically she will change her behavior and style herself. So, don't worry about it. So, now you just spend more time with her, play with her baby toys, baby items and let her enjoy and you also enjoy her childhood.

[Mod's note: external URL removed]

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