My daughters suddenly cries very easily and refuse to go sch

Parental influence on children in the first 12 years of their lives have a permanent effect. Unfortunately, children come with no user manual. Each child is different from the other. Discuss how to handle emotional and educational needs of your child here.

My daughters suddenly cries very easily and refuse to go sch

Postby kelvin82lim » Sun Jan 01, 2012 5:06 pm

My daughter is 2.5yr old. She recenlty was sick for 2 weeks and thus missed school.

Ever since she returned to school, she has suddenly mood swings. She is also very negative, not wanting to do anything. Don't want to drink water, don't want to change diaper. Cries when she cannot get her way.

When we try to reason with her, she seems to be beyond reason. When we ask her to why she is crying, she say she likes to cry and she dont want to stop crying. And she will keep crying non stop. She also says things like she dont want people to love her she just want to cry.

And the school refusal, keeps saying dont want go school and cries alot.

I am worried about her. She used to be a very cheerful girl and carefree now she's moody most of the time is this the so called terrible twos?

Is there something i can do to help her? Seeing her so miserable make me really sad.

Can anyone shed some light?

kelvin82lim
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Re: My daughters suddenly cries very easily and refuse to go

Postby cindylauper » Sun Jan 01, 2012 5:31 pm

kelvin82lim wrote:My daughter is 2.5yr old. She recenlty was sick for 2 weeks and thus missed school.

Ever since she returned to school, she has suddenly mood swings. She is also very negative, not wanting to do anything. Don't want to drink water, don't want to change diaper. Cries when she cannot get her way.

When we try to reason with her, she seems to be beyond reason. When we ask her to why she is crying, she say she likes to cry and she dont want to stop crying. And she will keep crying non stop. She also says things like she dont want people to love her she just want to cry.

And the school refusal, keeps saying dont want go school and cries alot.

I am worried about her. She used to be a very cheerful girl and carefree now she's moody most of the time is this the so called terrible twos?

Is there something i can do to help her? Seeing her so miserable make me really sad.

Can anyone shed some light?


Hi, I am a mother with 3 daughters, aged 14, 12 and 9. I understand what you are going through. I think your daughter is going through the terrible twos. It is quite normal for kids not to feel like going to school/childcare after being absent for a few days. My experience is that as long as she is eating well, sleeping enough and gaining enough weight for her age, everything is fine. You have to be patient and don't be too upset when she is in one of those moods. Don't let her moods affect your mood, that's most important. Don't fight head on with her when she is stubborn, try to distract her. At two, she actually has pride and will not give in to you openly. However, if you distract her with something else such an electronic gadget, or a new toy, she will "pretend" to be distracted and not insist on her way.
I think looking after 2 to 3 year olds are the toughest. They say "No!" to every question you ask, except to "do you want ice-cream?" and to "do you want to go out to play?". Sometimes they ignore me to the extent that I think they are hearing impaired. So, I test their hearing by asking softly, "do you want ice-cream", if they turn their head to you immediately, you know that their hearing is fine.
Maybe, you could go to the school and ask her teacher if your dd is facing any problems. Maybe, she isn't getting enough rest or sleep. Grouchy kids with insufficient sleep, can be a pain, trust me. If she can't sleep at night, don't let her watch children's vcds just before her bedtime. She will probably wake up in the middle of the night after 1pm when she realises the vcd is switched off and start crying again. Try getting some outdoor activities in the day-time, she will be able to sleep better at night.
As long as your dd is healthy and showered with love and care from you, there shouldn't be any problems. Just be patient, the terrible twos will soon be over and she will behave like an angel when she hits 4, you'll see.

cindylauper
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Re: My daughters suddenly cries very easily and refuse to go

Postby kelvin82lim » Sun Jan 01, 2012 5:44 pm

Hi Cindy,
Thanks for your input. Fell so relieved to read that its something not so "serious"

I guess the consolation is she is eating well and well, sleeping quite "ok"

The difficult part about distracting her is she doesnt really respond to ice cream or going out, infact we find it hard to find something she likes.

I'll take your advise on the VCD before bedtime.

Any tips to battle school refusal?

kelvin82lim
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Re: My daughters suddenly cries very easily and refuse to go

Postby cindylauper » Sun Jan 01, 2012 6:08 pm

kelvin82lim wrote:Hi Cindy,
Thanks for your input. Fell so relieved to read that its something not so "serious"

I guess the consolation is she is eating well and well, sleeping quite "ok"

The difficult part about distracting her is she doesnt really respond to ice cream or going out, infact we find it hard to find something she likes.

I'll take your advise on the VCD before bedtime.

Any tips to battle school refusal?


I remember a familiar scene at childcare centre. In the morning, I will carry my dd to the centre. At the entrance, she will start crying loudly, tears rolling down her cheeks and all that drama. Then, the teacher will come over to "receive" my dd. She will then cling on to me for dear life. She will not let go, and will continue bawling as if I was selling her away. Eventually, the teacher will take her away from me and then I will go off feeling guilty that I am not a stay at home mother. I think this is what happened to you?

First thing, just hand the crying toddler to the teacher immediately once you reach the centre. Do not hang around, hoping that she will stop crying and say good bye to you cheerfully. It doesn't happen this way. The longer you hang around, the longer she will cry. If you are still worried after you go off from the centre, just call the teacher after half an hour. Chances are, the teacher will probably tell you that your dd stopped crying and is enjoying the school activities with the rest of the kids. Terrible twos are great at drama.

cindylauper
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Re: My daughters suddenly cries very easily and refuse to go

Postby cindylauper » Sun Jan 01, 2012 6:11 pm

cindylauper wrote:
kelvin82lim wrote:Hi Cindy,
Thanks for your input. Fell so relieved to read that its something not so "serious"

I guess the consolation is she is eating well and well, sleeping quite "ok"

The difficult part about distracting her is she doesnt really respond to ice cream or going out, infact we find it hard to find something she likes.

I'll take your advise on the VCD before bedtime.

Any tips to battle school refusal?


I remember a familiar scene at childcare centre. In the morning, I will carry my dd to the centre. At the entrance, she will start crying loudly, tears rolling down her cheeks and all that drama. Then, the teacher will come over to "receive" my dd. She will then cling on to me for dear life. She will not let go, and will continue bawling as if I was selling her away. Eventually, the teacher will take her away from me and then I will go off feeling guilty. I think this is what happened to you?

First thing, just hand the crying toddler to the teacher immediately once you reach the centre. Do not hang around, hoping that she will stop crying and say good bye to you cheerfully. It doesn't happen this way. The longer you hang around, the longer she will cry. If you are still worried after you go off from the centre, just call the teacher after half an hour. Chances are, the teacher will probably tell you that your dd stopped crying and is enjoying the school activities with the rest of the kids. Terrible twos are great at drama.

cindylauper
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Re: My daughters suddenly cries very easily and refuse to go

Postby kelvin82lim » Sun Jan 01, 2012 6:21 pm

Yes, thats how it is so far. For my daughter, on top of that, she will keep saying she dont want to go to sch. The night before she would cry non stop saying she want to stay at home. wanna, go work with me... all sorts of stuff..

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Re: My daughters suddenly cries very easily and refuse to go

Postby cherrygal » Sun Jan 01, 2012 9:03 pm

My daughter is about your gal's age but i have an older son so i am not anxious when such things happen. My gal is going thru the terrible twos and cries over many things as well when she's tired.

It is also quite normal to refuse to go to school after a long break. Just dun ask her at night if she wants to go to school. In the morning, tell her that she needs to go to school to play with the toys etc (dun mention your work or she will want to go with you). Don't make it a question like "you want to go to school?". She has no choice so just say "we will go to school now." Then go about it as per normal. Ignore the crying or try to distract her in the car with her fave snack. Once you leave, she will enjoy herself there. This drama should pass after 2 days.

My gal almost refused to go to school after the long Xmas weekend. But she complied when I reminded her that her favourite teachers were waiting to play with her and she can sing her nursery rhymes (always phrase things to her benefit). Her eyes lit up when she heard she could go back to her singing and dancing.

Look out for more drama at 3yo. ahhaha... they will start to dawdle, want to find a "missing" toy or eat something you don't have just 5mins before you need to leave for school. It's a battle of wills.

cherrygal
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Re: My daughters suddenly cries very easily and refuse to go

Postby cherrygal » Sun Jan 01, 2012 9:19 pm

Regarding the refusal of water and wearing of diapers... my gal is also doing those things, but she meant it in a cheeky way. So when wearing diapers for her, close the door of the room so she can't escape. Then distract her by asking her about her favourite characters eg. Dora or Elmo etc, and quickly wear the diaper. It may be faster if you buy diaper pants instead of open diapers.

As for water, I try to give her spoonfuls of water at home every few minutes without her noticing. In school, I add a bit of apple juice to the water and she finishes it up. I also give my gal lots of soup since she likes that.

Don't make drinking water a stressful thing for her. If she likes her milk, then give more formula milk / fresh milk instead. The aim is to hydrate her, and you can do that not just with water.

cherrygal
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Re: My daughters suddenly cries very easily and refuse to go

Postby kelvin82lim » Mon Jan 02, 2012 8:16 am

So for sch refusal, we should just continue to send her to sch. Let her get used to going sch all over again?

Just too many changes in sch, doesnt help when she was out for two weeks due to fever and when she returns she will be promoted to a new class with a new teacher and new routine.

I believe that's why she is feeling all so uncertain.

kelvin82lim
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Re: My daughters suddenly cries very easily and refuse to go

Postby cherrygal » Mon Jan 02, 2012 2:01 pm

Yes, just continue and don't bend the rules just becoz you heartache. If no choice, you still have to send. The sooner she gets used to it, the better.

You have to be a bit ruthless in the first 2 days and just leave. Dun expect her to wave bye bye to you.

One thing you can do is to get someone to fetch her home earlier for the first few days. I did that when my gal is trying to get used to a new environment. Gradually lengthen the time by half an hour. When my gal first entered childcare, I fetched her at 1pm, then 3pm, then 4.30pm, then now I can go at 6pm and she's still happily playing with the kids there.

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