Is there a time when you are simply fed-up with your child?

Parental influence on children in the first 12 years of their lives have a permanent effect. Unfortunately, children come with no user manual. Each child is different from the other. Discuss how to handle emotional and educational needs of your child here.

Is there a time when you are simply fed-up with your child?

Postby iRabbit » Sat Feb 11, 2012 2:08 pm

My P2 boy has lost 4 storybooks in school this year alone. All these books were what I carefully selected for him from Popular/amazon.

I was exemplarily patient the first time this happened - just reminding ds to be careful next time; went ballistic the second time (which happened the very next day :stompfeet: ). The third time, I made him pay for the lost book by deducting $1 from his daily allowance until I recovered the cost.

The fourth time happened yesterday. You know, when you're really disgusted with someone, you don't even want to look them in the face. I'm disgusted. :mad:

Like most parents, I think that I've made sacrifices for my child. Darn! I've made lots of sacrifices. I deserved better. :sad:

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Re: Is there a time when you are simply fed-up with your chi

Postby cherrygal » Sat Feb 11, 2012 4:12 pm

You are not alone... I just exploded yesterday and today...

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Re: Is there a time when you are simply fed-up with your chi

Postby Mdm Koh » Sat Feb 11, 2012 4:56 pm

How did he lose the books? Could it be that they were stolen, or he lent them to his friends, who never returned them?

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Re: Is there a time when you are simply fed-up with your chi

Postby 2ppaamm » Sat Feb 11, 2012 5:04 pm

Haha! Of course there are times we are so fed up with our kids. My oldest is always my pride and joy, and he made me so happy with everything. Everything except this.

He, like your son, is always losing things. I cannot recall how many uniform tops he has lost. I resorted to writing his name on every shirt in different places. I still had to buy 2 shirts a week. He will take off his shirt, (he always wears a singlet beneath) and that shirt will be GONE FOREVER.

He will lose - believe it or not. His shoes. His SHOES! He comes home with only one side. Just don't know how this can ever happen?! And of course, you can imagine how many Nike water bottles he had lost. I would go to the school lost and found, and collect 5 back at a time. I made sure I wrote his name on every bottle. By and by, I got him to draw on the bottles with permanent ink because I got tired of tracking them, I asked him to track them. Of course I scream. I screamed like a mad person sometimes.

I once bought him a pair of Nike slippers. They were so expensive - $70+, but I wanted him to have them because they were comfortable and told him a zillion times not to lose them. Then, one day, I noticed he was not wearing them. I asked him where those were, when I asked him in the car, he would say they were in the house. If I asked him in the house, he said they were in the car. I was so busy I did not bother to check. One fine day, I decided to ask him to produce them. He lost them. I went :stompfeet: , and I realized he had been wearing those rubber slippers from the club (like bedroom slippers) everywhere he went for a couple of months. He had lost them for a couple of months, so he made do with whatever he could find, so he wore those slippers from the club home.

He had felt so bad he did not dare to tell me. It was then I realized that he had never intended to be forgetful or bad. It was just him. He could not keep track of such things. He tried, but he failed. And because I kept reprimanding him, he decided to keep that information from me and dealt with it himself. He was 11 years old, then. From then on, I stopped giving him pressure about these things. I stopped reminding him this and that, and I stopped scolding him for losing things.

When he was 14, I told his story to an expert. He would forget his exam dates, he would relearn everything even after he has done exams, and he will forget his homework. Of course I had a hard time with teachers. But when he did his work, he turned out wonderful work. At about then, I realized his attitude changed as well. He began to lose love for school, maybe it is the elitist school he went to, or maybe it was his teachers. Whenever he forgot his work, he would tell his teachers he didn't want to do them. I asked him why. He told me that they would accuse him and not believe he forgot anyway. So, he just told them he didn't want to do. Hearing this story, and looking at how bright the boy is, this gifted child specialist told me my son could be suffering from executive function deficiency. I started to do research on that.

At about that time, he went to the university. Everyone was worried, how can he ever cope with the schedules, time tables, etc etc. But something amazing happened. He had no issues at all in the uni. He grew up overnight and could cope. From then on, he never lost any thing, from his wallet to his water bottle, to his comb or his passport when he travels alone.

So here is my little story. The boy has begun his post grad studies. I hope this story gives you some hope. And, some strength. Of course, we sacrificed so much for our kids. I don't even know I'll regret it when I get older. But I'd like to believe it is always worth the while. :boogie:

And remember, he'll grow up. :celebrate:

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Re: Is there a time when you are simply fed-up with your chi

Postby iRabbit » Sat Feb 11, 2012 6:10 pm

cherrygal wrote:You are not alone... I just exploded yesterday and today...


It's a good thing - for ds - that I don't believe in corporal punishment. Otherwise ds's buttocks will have one deep red cut (in the shape of an '=' sign), the same way I got mine when I upset my mum in P2.

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Re: Is there a time when you are simply fed-up with your chi

Postby iRabbit » Sat Feb 11, 2012 6:14 pm

Mdm Koh wrote:How did he lose the books? Could it be that they were stolen, or he lent them to his friends, who never returned them?


DS has developed into a bit of a bookworm. He'll forgo playing catching during recess to go library to read his books. He confessed that he tends to rush his work in class so that he has more time to read his books. He actually told me he doesn't care if he makes careless mistakes as he can't stand the agony of suspense (need to quickly read the next chapter).

So these books were most probably lost when he brings them wherever he goes between breaks. Of the 4 books lost, he recovered 2 from the sch's 'lost and found' section. Still, I expect more for a P2 boy, especially from one who seems to be adapting well to sch life.

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Re: Is there a time when you are simply fed-up with your chi

Postby iRabbit » Sat Feb 11, 2012 6:30 pm

2ppaamm,

Don't mind me saying this, your story made me laugh. Your boy's problems made mine seemed insignificant, almost trivial. :lol: If my son manages to lose his tees or shoes, I would have ....... I think I would be so stressed I go see the psychiatrist. :yikes:

It goes without saying that it's not about the money. My anguish is that ds didn't correct his flaw despite past experiences - he's losing books at a rate of once every week since term starts. Surprisingly, dw who's usually more particular about all things financial, seems to take it quite well. Maybe sensing my anger, she decides to give ds a break.

So yesterday straight after roller blading, ds washed up and went to bed - Time out! Actually I only found out about the missing book late at night; otherwise ds won't even have chance to roller blade.

You have a lot of patience. If I had to wait till ds reaches teenage before this issue is corrected, I think I'll die of heart attack. :faint:

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Re: Is there a time when you are simply fed-up with your chi

Postby 2ppaamm » Sat Feb 11, 2012 7:42 pm

FQW wrote:2ppaamm,

Don't mind me saying this, your story made me laugh. Your boy's problems made mine seemed insignificant, almost trivial. :lol: If my son manages to lose his tees or shoes, I would have ....... I think I would be so stressed I go see the psychiatrist. :yikes:

It goes without saying that it's not about the money. My anguish is that ds didn't correct his flaw despite past experiences - he's losing books at a rate of once every week since term starts. Surprisingly, dw who's usually more particular about all things financial, seems to take it quite well. Maybe sensing my anger, she decides to give ds a break.

So yesterday straight after roller blading, ds washed up and went to bed - Time out! Actually I only found out about the missing book late at night; otherwise ds won't even have chance to roller blade.

You have a lot of patience. If I had to wait till ds reaches teenage before this issue is corrected, I think I'll die of heart attack. :faint:

We have to remember our kids are all different. Everyone has their good and bad points. My son took a long time to learn these things, but he was very good at other things other parents would die to have.

Same for your little boy. He may be forgetful, but is a good reader, and probably that's where his attention is. Cut him (and yourself) some slack. In a few years, you will all laugh about it. Yep, when I was going through it, it was like my heartbeat very fast everyday... and I wonder what would go wrong/missing next. Even the expert told me she pities me. Every mother of an executive function deficiency child has a really hard time throughout their childhood, but things will iron out by 17 years old. Don't think your kid has any big problem. Just a little attention to these things that do not matter.

Have fun! I'm sure he'll be just fine. Patience, yes, patience is all we need. Tell me about it. :wink:

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Re: Is there a time when you are simply fed-up with your chi

Postby iRabbit » Sat Feb 11, 2012 8:17 pm

2ppaamm wrote:Same for your little boy. He may be forgetful, but is a good reader, and probably that's where his attention is. Cut him (and yourself) some slack. In a few years, you will all laugh about it.

Have fun! I'm sure he'll be just fine. Patience, yes, patience is all we need. Tell me about it. :wink:


I feel better already (after learning of your experience). You had a bigger problem than me and survived it. :smile:

I'm not so mad at ds now. DEFCON 1 dropped to DEFCON 3 liao. Have progressed to communicating with ds through dw - still can't stand looking at him in the face.

Like you suggested, if I looked at it another way, the reason ds is losing his books is that he is so engrossed he brings them wherever he goes. I guess I should be grateful for that, at least he is reading well. One year ago, I would never have imagined that he will be so interested in books. :pray:

You are a good counsellor, 2ppaamm . Thanks.

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Re: Is there a time when you are simply fed-up with your chi

Postby N3SKiasu » Sat Feb 11, 2012 9:34 pm

FQW wrote:My P2 boy has lost 4 storybooks in school this year alone. All these books were what I carefully selected for him from Popular/amazon.

I was exemplarily patient the first time this happened - just reminding ds to be careful next time; went ballistic the second time (which happened the very next day :stompfeet: ). The third time, I made him pay for the lost book by deducting $1 from his daily allowance until I recovered the cost.

The fourth time happened yesterday. You know, when you're really disgusted with someone, you don't even want to look them in the face. I'm disgusted. :mad:

Like most parents, I think that I've made sacrifices for my child. Darn! I've made lots of sacrifices. I deserved better. :sad:

I fully feel your last phase: "I have made lots of sacrifices, I deserved better"
There was a time when I have similar thoughts, but when time passes, I have a clearer picture.
When I left my job to be a SAHM, my colleagues would said:"wow, it's a big sacrifice!". I puzzled. Why do we want to put ourselves in the situation to weigh doing things for them as a sacrifice, it actually becomes a burden on ourselves and in our hearts, we can't help to assume that he supposed to be obedient and be a good boy as we sacrificed for them. Because we view it as sacrifice, we expect returns. We forgot that he has his own character and it is not that we "sacrifice" something and he will be better.
Instead of thinking it as a sacrifice, I focus on how to help him further and it actually released me from feeling lousy and feel better at times.
This is my personal opinion and I hope it can help you feel better :-)

Btw, my DS lost books countless times, he ever lost school library books that I have to buy back books worth $40 to return to school, another time he lost a NLB book and I have paid $50 plus. I was rather mad at first but I settled it calmly eventually. He was only P2 then. To reduce the risk, I have stop allowing him to bring library books to school and read. He could not remember where he left it. He usually forgets homework, even if he rushed to finish homework till late night, he will forget to hand up next day! I have to keep on reminding him. For water bottles, I have since given him mineral water bottles instead as he has lost numerous of them including some good ones. He has to learn that he has to build up the trust first if he wants to resume the benefits. There are lots of things happened due to his character. I have accepted that all these are just part of them.
I can fully understand how you feel... he will definitely improve when he is older, be it 15 or 17, he will be there. That is what I keep on telling myself. As what 2aappmm said, the only thing we need is really Patience... it is easy to say than done, let's remind each other through KSP forum ! :-)

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