Help me please ! P3 Boy becoming defiant

Parental influence on children in the first 12 years of their lives have a permanent effect. Unfortunately, children come with no user manual. Each child is different from the other. Discuss how to handle emotional and educational needs of your child here.

Help me please ! P3 Boy becoming defiant

Postby chixchix » Mon Feb 13, 2012 6:46 pm

hii all, I need help,i dont want to be seen as a bad mother :sad: well,my boy was in P2 last year and he was in Band 1 for his subjects. But now since he went to P3, his teacher has started to complain that he is not concentrating, he gets many silly mistakes for English & Maths ,and there is many corrections for him. When he comes from home at 2pm, he prefers to play computer, i phone, watch tv, play lego...i tell him to rest till 4pm ,and later I will do revision with him, but he cant be bothered. Also he has become defiant and talks back to me.

I have tried talking to him to ask if there is any problem,and also hit him on his butt at times, but nothing works,.If I ignore him,he keeps saying " mama ..mama .." and i tell him not to talk to me, he starts to cry. I cant see my boy cry,it hurts me.

His SA is in May ,and I dont want his grades to slide.. please help me... my husband doesnt bother about my kids education. No point talking to him.

chixchix
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Re: Help me please !

Postby cherrygal » Mon Feb 13, 2012 9:01 pm

Is he respectful of teachers? If he still is, you may want to get some external tutor to monitor his school work. Dunno why but most boys are afraid of teachers but like to defy their parents. My boy will not question the amount of work given to him by a teacher but will whine when I even try to make him do 5 pages of an assessment book. I will remove the computer and iphone play time if I were you.

cherrygal
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Re: Help me please !

Postby 2ppaamm » Mon Feb 13, 2012 9:32 pm

chixchix wrote:he prefers to play computer, i phone, watch tv, play lego...i tell him to rest till 4pm ,and later I will do revision with him, but he cant be bothered.

Tomorrow when he comes home, the computer, i-phone, tv and lego shall not be available until his work is done. Period. Lock your computer cable, iphone and tv cables and lego up when he is at school. Then, when he gets home, ask him to take a shower, get his bag out and homework ready. When done, ask him to choose his incentives.

These are incentives. Not rights.

Sorry, I'm not a tiger mum, but he has to know his place at home. Cry? Cry loh, won't die one.:skeptical: Just stay in the same room and read newspaper until he is done. Then when he is done, repeat what you said. Homework first, then play. Repeat until work done. Do the same tomorrow, and tomorrow. The crying will get less and less, and one day, gone. :smile:

2ppaamm
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Re: Help me please !

Postby kaka » Tue Feb 14, 2012 1:21 am

2ppaamm wrote:Tomorrow when he comes home, the computer, i-phone, tv and lego shall not be available until his work is done. Period. Lock your computer cable, iphone and tv cables and lego up when he is at school. Then, when he gets home, ask him to take a shower, get his bag out and homework ready. When done, ask him to choose his incentives.

These are incentives. Not rights.

Sorry, I'm not a tiger mum, but he has to know his place at home. Cry? Cry loh, won't die one.:skeptical: Just stay in the same room and read newspaper until he is done. Then when he is done, repeat what you said. Homework first, then play. Repeat until work done. Do the same tomorrow, and tomorrow. The crying will get less and less, and one day, gone. :smile:


Great suggestion :love: ... now for execution. :evil: Not easy for a mother who cant see child cry. But be strong cos the child know and will continue to test you . If cant see the child cry, just leave him alone (or let yourself be alone) until he finishes his work and shows prove.

kaka
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Re: Help me please !

Postby Zoji » Tue Feb 21, 2012 2:48 pm

Great suggestion by all the grandmaster. i personally 100% agreed that being parents we have to firm to kids. Nowadays kids are very smart, they test test market and from there onwards..they know how to "handle" the parents. i hope chixchix is using the method

Zoji
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Re: Help me please !

Postby Guest » Tue Feb 21, 2012 2:56 pm

insider wrote:
2ppaamm wrote:Cry? Cry loh, won't die one.:skeptical:



This is the kind of 'mental/emotional strength' that parents with 'manipulative' kids need to have.

Deal with the situation matter-of-factly, with minimal emotions, and don't let him catch you feeling 'heart pain' else you lose the game...


I am of the same mind....cos I don't think I want my child to think crying is one way to get her way... NO WAY! :wink: Love can be expressed in many ways and if they are spoilt, they need to know it matter of factly.
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Re: Help me please !

Postby cherrygal » Wed Feb 22, 2012 2:06 am

I always tell my boy, crying gets him only one thing - the cane... :spank: :evil:

cherrygal
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Re: Help me please !

Postby coast » Wed Feb 22, 2012 2:38 am

chixchix wrote:hii all, I need help,i dont want to be seen as a bad mother :sad: well,my boy was in P2 last year and he was in Band 1 for his subjects. But now since he went to P3, his teacher has started to complain that he is not concentrating, he gets many silly mistakes for English & Maths ,and there is many corrections for him. When he comes from home at 2pm, he prefers to play computer, i phone, watch tv, play lego...i tell him to rest till 4pm ,and later I will do revision with him, but he cant be bothered. Also he has become defiant and talks back to me.

I have tried talking to him to ask if there is any problem,and also hit him on his butt at times, but nothing works,.If I ignore him,he keeps saying " mama ..mama .." and i tell him not to talk to me, he starts to cry. I cant see my boy cry,it hurts me.

His SA is in May ,and I dont want his grades to slide.. please help me... my husband doesnt bother about my kids education. No point talking to him.


Have you tried to find out why there is such a big change from P2 to P3 after such a short period (it is only Feb now)? Could it be something happened in school or other matters that affected him negatively?

You need to identify the root of his sudden change before you can help him. Try talking and spending more time with him beyond academic concerns. Focus on forming a closer bond with him. I hope he will be fine soon.

coast
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Re: Help me please !

Postby BeContented » Wed Feb 22, 2012 8:25 am

insider wrote:
2ppaamm wrote:Cry? Cry loh, won't die one.:skeptical:



This is the kind of 'mental/emotional strength' that parents with 'manipulative' kids need to have.

Deal with the situation matter-of-factly, with minimal emotions, and don't let him catch you feeling 'heart pain' else you lose the game...


IMO, it's ok to let the child see your 'heart-pain', but importantly you must still execute your planned action. I will admit to my kids that I also wish to let them have more fun, be happy. The easy way out for me is to just let them enjoy & no fight between us, but is that the right thing to do? Why do I choose to make things 'difficult', it's not fun for me too. Let the child think a little. No point laughing a while now but crying & regretting for many years in future .....
Frankly not sure if all children take such stuff, fortunately mine did.
:sweat:

Actually sometimes I tear when I cane & see them cry.....but from there they know it hurts me too to cane them & they know it's something I'll rather choose NOT to do unless it warrant for it. (PS : but caning is usually not due to academics, more behavioural issues)

BeContented
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Re: Help me please !

Postby Guest » Wed Feb 22, 2012 8:28 am

BeContented wrote:PS : but caning is usually not due to academics, more behavioural issues)


:hi5:
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