Dealing with a Negative Child

Parental influence on children in the first 12 years of their lives have a permanent effect. Unfortunately, children come with no user manual. Each child is different from the other. Discuss how to handle emotional and educational needs of your child here.

Dealing with a Negative Child

Postby verygeksim » Tue Mar 27, 2012 5:57 pm

I have a P1 kid at home and she is increasingly whiny and complains a lot when she has to complete school homework.

In fact, she can spend 67%-75% complaining and the balance time completing the work (she knows it but complains).

She is hoping for me to give her the answer (I refuse and guide her along or give alternative examples) or she wants me to complete the work for her (normally massive amount of coloring for art! *teacher wants kids to colour entire art block using color pencil with no white spaces!* :stompfeet:

We end up yelling at each other and i wave my cane around like crazed woman. :mad:

It tires her out completely, it totally wears me down and gives her the impression that she has A LOT OF work, when actually, she can complete it in good time.

The whining/ complaining seems to have worsened considerably after I stopped work because the intention is to spend more time with the children but the rate the elder one is going, relationship will breakdown soon! plus i spend so much time "counselling" her, i have no time for the little one.

Any ideas/ suggestions how to deal with a "negative" child?

I am very gek sim because I know she has the ability to complete quickly yet she agonizes/ complains/ whines. :gloomy:

Am at wit's end because this is far from what i envisaged when i stopped work (big hit to family finances).

What else can I do to:
1) Correct behaviour?
2) Mend mother-daughter r/p?

I wonder if I should find a job again and just pay for a tutor... ... but really wanted to help her myself and not outsource at such an early stage but she is SO RESISTENT. :imdrowning:

verygeksim
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Re: Dealing with a Negative Child

Postby munchkukie » Tue Mar 27, 2012 7:38 pm

verygeksim,

I can emphatised with you cos sometimes I can scream like a mad woman too. :nunchuk: Really feel like smacking her especially when she shout back. I sometimes forget this words "Children loved to please their parents".

I have switched from FTWM to PTWM after a semester in P1 cos I realised that she really need me to coach her work. Sometimes it makes me wonder if she appreciates what I am doing. The amount of colouring would drive my dd crazy too..but fortunately they used crayons. She had a lot of handwriting execrises too and it would take a hour to finish writing. :snooze: The speed of doing handwriting exercises improved when she's in P2.

Just give her encouragements (to remind myself that too). My dd always almost expect to give her answer straight away too. She would sometimes throw a tantrum if I did not give her the method point blank.

Just hold on for a while. Things will get better.

munchkukie
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Re: Dealing with a Negative Child

Postby alng » Tue Mar 27, 2012 7:45 pm

Hi verygeksim,

I would suggest ignoring her when she whines. To adopt this ignoring strategy, you have to harden your heart initially and ignore all her whinning. Of course, you have to differentiate between real help needed by her from plain whinning. If she does not complete the homework after you ignore her, let her face the music from her teacher.

I know it is not easy to ignore your own child. But when a child needs to learn something, it is always good to learn when they are young because the cost that they pay or the penalty that they receive is much lower. I believe that sometimes cruelty is also a form of love.

alng
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Re: Dealing with a Negative Child

Postby munchkukie » Wed Mar 28, 2012 12:19 am

Agreed. Sometimes she took so long to learn her spelling that I refuse to sit down and revise with her anymore. I ask her to c me when she's ready.

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Re: Dealing with a Negative Child

Postby verygeksim » Wed Mar 28, 2012 9:05 am

Hi Alng,

i do walk out but her volume goes HIGHER and HIGHER... "maaaaammmmyyyyyy!!!! come heeeeeere!!" then goes on and one like broken recorder.. it is really grating...

verygeksim
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Re: Dealing with a Negative Child

Postby verygeksim » Wed Mar 28, 2012 9:09 am

muchkukie
thank you so much. I love your first emoticon. I do look like that... but less stylo. If Caucasions see me, they might call police. sigh.

how do I balance "coaching" vs "spoonfeeding"?

the kids are smart enough to "exploit"... she goes "tell me the answer!!!! i want to get it right!!"

verygeksim
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Re: Dealing with a Negative Child

Postby Funz » Wed Mar 28, 2012 9:12 am

Both DD and DS will complain if their school work involves a lot of repetitive writing or colouring. These to them are tedious work. They will whine, complain, procratinate, etc. I will tell them whine and complain all you want, but at the end of the day, you will still need to do. So up to you, just do it and get it over and done with and you can play or continue dilly dallying and end up with no time to play.

I have learned to shut them out. The more you nag them and engage them, the more excuse they have to go on whining. At P1, they will still have a fear of having to face the teacher for work undone so most will eventually hunker down and start doing their work.

Funz
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Re: Dealing with a Negative Child

Postby verygeksim » Wed Mar 28, 2012 9:23 am

There's also her classic "I dunno"... it happens for maths or english worksheets... most times, it's about reading the instructions or the passage carefull or again.. but her defauly "I dunnoooooo"

Hi Funz.
That's what I do too and when she completes the confounded art piece.. there is a big smile on her face... but i'm totally worn out from all that haggling, whining, quarreling.

it's frustrating for me because she spends 70% whinging and 30% completing the task (fairly accurately). arrrrghhhh

verygeksim
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Re: Dealing with a Negative Child

Postby Maxine » Wed Mar 28, 2012 10:26 am

verygeksim I also same boat. My going P1 in 2013 kid is super whiny and likes to whine and whine also. And her volume also can turn up higher and higher. Even as a baby when I first give birth to her she cry only can hear her from the nursery on the other side of the room past their baby room, through to my closed door!So you can imagine her radio maximum volume. SO when she whine and cries at same time, its enough to drive me :mad:

Do work also whine, don let her watch tv also whine, eat slow and scold her also whine. Aiyo :stupid: Tried everything from hard approach (scold & whack - whine/cry louder) to soft approach (no scolding but explain nicely- climb all over my head) dont work also. So what I do now is when she starts whining be it over homework or even getting dressed I will tell her ok I will leave you alone. When you are finished whining then you tell me when you are interested and ready to do it then I come back. The sudden lack of attention or interest will jolt her and make her realise Oops. Mom's not interested and this will make her go into a flurry of panic. and when she is done whining or crying she will call out "Mama I am ready now". It does help a little and although she still whines but its not as bad as it used to be when I can tear my hair out !

Maybe you give this a try. Kids like that. once they know you don pay attention to them they panic and they will do anything from screaming to yelling to get you back. If they realise all these don work except if they do as you say, then they will do it. :sweat: Its not easy cos there is a lot of whining and crying grating on your nerves in the beginning but you must persevere and not let them win. We are adults the parents - cannot let them win and manage us. We manage them ! :rahrah:

Maxine
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Re: Dealing with a Negative Child

Postby concern2 » Wed Mar 28, 2012 5:49 pm

verygeksim wrote:I have a P1 kid at home and she is increasingly whiny and complains a lot when she has to complete school homework.

In fact, she can spend 67%-75% complaining and the balance time completing the work (she knows it but complains).

She is hoping for me to give her the answer (I refuse and guide her along or give alternative examples) or she wants me to complete the work for her (normally massive amount of coloring for art! *teacher wants kids to colour entire art block using color pencil with no white spaces!* :stompfeet:

We end up yelling at each other and i wave my cane around like crazed woman. :mad:

It tires her out completely, it totally wears me down and gives her the impression that she has A LOT OF work, when actually, she can complete it in good time.

The whining/ complaining seems to have worsened considerably after I stopped work because the intention is to spend more time with the children but the rate the elder one is going, relationship will breakdown soon! plus i spend so much time "counselling" her, i have no time for the little one.

Any ideas/ suggestions how to deal with a "negative" child?

I am very gek sim because I know she has the ability to complete quickly yet she agonizes/ complains/ whines. :gloomy:

Am at wit's end because this is far from what i envisaged when i stopped work (big hit to family finances).

What else can I do to:
1) Correct behaviour?
2) Mend mother-daughter r/p?

I wonder if I should find a job again and just pay for a tutor... ... but really wanted to help her myself and not outsource at such an early stage but she is SO RESISTENT. :imdrowning:


Welcome to the SAHM club! :rahrah: Such 'commotions' are very common :laugh: . Not love-dovey all the time with the kids - almost like before you get married and after you get married the kind of life isn't what many think it is. Worse if you have to run chores and do housework, or some like me, also do work from home, wah, xiao liao, sometimes just want to chuck everything aside and have private time - at Kiasuparents! Hehe!

For your DD's case, it might be a transition. Now that you are home most of the time, she's trying to get ALL your attention, (which she may be fighting with the siblings for). So the longer she takes for her to complete the work, the longer time she has with you, even if it is to make you angry.

For my DD, she will usually be tired after school and will need a shower to freshen her up or to have something to munch. Over the years, I have learnt to spend time with her on these little things as it strengthens mother-child relationship and makes work time more efficient!

I used to worry that I cannot possibly leave her to find her mood to do work (what if you're in school and cannot focus?) Later, I realized that what is most important is she learns something, and that she is actually very much focused in school, no complaints from the teachers.

The problem with our system is the over-emphasis on tests and exams that it takes the joy out of learning. Everything has to be done in a hurry. The good thing about staying at home to be with your kids is that you have more time with them, and thus can get to know them better (which is utmost important), subsequently knowing what works best with each child. Setting rules around the house is also key to keep things and everyone in order and making sure everyone get the important things done, thus maintaining some sanity. Yet, this is an on-going challenge. :wink: Hope this helps. :hugs:

concern2
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