What would you do? A house-husband dilemma

Parental influence on children in the first 12 years of their lives have a permanent effect. Unfortunately, children come with no user manual. Each child is different from the other. Discuss how to handle emotional and educational needs of your child here.

What would you do? A house-husband dilemma

Postby mel2sg » Fri May 04, 2012 4:48 pm

Hi

Just want to seek opinions here, as I have been battling with myself for very long.

I am currently unemployed, and a house-husband. I used to be a finance professional before quitting 4 years ago for my kids, also partly due to economy downturn and career hit rock bottom.

Back then my 2-years old boy was attending Special school & speech therapies, due to his GDD (global dev delay). Hence, I was very involved in his dev, as I liased very closely with all the teachers & therapies so that I can teach him at home. When he attended Kindergarten, there was a period of time i checked with his teacher daily to address his behaviour issues. Furthermore, to ensure he can blend him to main stream, i have been reading and teaching him phonics. Well, today my boy is at P1, and he reads very well. Every times he came back with his test papers, scoring between 60 - 80 my wife & me are very proud of him.

As for my elder daughter, who is P5 this year, she is doing very well in her studies - 1st in her class last year. In a similar manner, I am very involved in her studies.

I have always wanting to go back to work. But seeing the much progress in kids, esp the boy, made me wanting to do more for him. occassionally, i will ask wife how long more I need to tend to the kids, which normally we do not have an answer. As you know, i have to deal with the daily stares of neighbours, and not to mention even my own parents are embarassed that i being a house-husband. :cry: I am getting very very frusfrated by the day not knowing what to do. Hope can hear some adv here, thanking you in advance.

mel2sg
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Re: What would you do? A house-husband dilemma

Postby Pen88n » Fri May 04, 2012 4:52 pm

Considered working part-time or starting some tuition assignments since you are good with teaching? This may also pave the way for your next "career" in the "education line"!

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Re: What would you do? A house-husband dilemma

Postby Chenonceau » Fri May 04, 2012 5:35 pm

If you look down on your role as house-husband, then you look down on the role of SAHM. I am not an SAHM because I work part-time. Meanwhile, I am proud of what I do at home and my husband is grateful for how I have been able to manage kids, home, my work, family investments, family health... It takes a load of his mind and he can concentrate on his work.

I think you should proud of what you are doing because it is an important role. Not every woman is suited for child-care. Not every man is suited for the corporate climate. Maybe your wife is more suited for corporate and you are more suited for the kids?

If you have special needs child, one of the 2 of you needs to stay home... and if your P5 is doing well and is happy, then you've done a darn good job.

Hence, I would give you the same advice I would give another woman. This advice is gender neutral. I think that no woman (and thus no man) should weaken her/his own position by staying at home entirely. I've always made it a point to earn some money even whilst I handled the issues at home. I do this because anything can happen in a marriage and I want to be able to make a good living IF I need to do so.

Next, working at home can be highly stressful. A part-time job is a welcome relief.

Lastly, you struggle with self-esteem issues that many women struggle with daily. It isn't because you are a man that you feel that you're worth less just because you stay at home. Ours is a society that respects a fat salary and when you do emotonal labour that supports the achievements of those in your family, you aren't recognised. I feel it too. I just tell myself not to care and see my own achievements in the faces of my husband and my children.

Chenonceau
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Re: What would you do? A house-husband dilemma

Postby PiggyLalala » Fri May 04, 2012 5:36 pm

Maybe after yr dd has completed her psle next yr and yr ds is more settled in the primary school education system :)

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Re: What would you do? A house-husband dilemma

Postby LOLMum » Fri May 04, 2012 5:50 pm

your kids are very fortunate to have a dad like you.

not easy for woman to be a sahm and harder for a man to be one.
:salute: to you.

people can say whatever they like because they dont have to bear the responsibilities. none of them is gonna take over your responsibilities at home if you heed their words and get a job. you have to ignore what others think/say.

my friend has been a househusband for nearly 15 years and still loving every minute of it. he is actively involved in the kids' school activities. spouse support is very important. he is lucky his wife is 100% behind him despite her mum's unhappiness on his role. his mil always nag nag nag but over the years he has learnt to ignore the words.

to him, his kids' welfare comes first. his son wants to be a sahp too when he has kids. :wink:

LOLMum
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Re: What would you do? A house-husband dilemma

Postby BeContented » Fri May 04, 2012 5:54 pm

Chenonceau wrote:If you look down on your role as house-husband, then you look down on the role of SAHM. I am not an SAHM because I work part-time. Meanwhile, I am proud of what I do at home and my husband is grateful for how I have been able to manage kids, home, my work, family investments, family health... It takes a load of his mind and he can concentrate on his work.

I think you should proud of what you are doing because it is an important role. Not every woman is suited for child-care. Not every man is suited for the corporate climate. Maybe your wife is more suited for corporate and you are more suited for the kids?

If you have special needs child, one of the 2 of you needs to stay home... and if your P5 is doing well and is happy, then you've done a darn good job.

Hence, I would give you the same advice I would give another woman. This advice is gender neutral. I think that no woman (and thus no man) should weaken her/his own position by staying at home entirely. I've always made it a point to earn some money even whilst I handled the issues at home. I do this because anything can happen in a marriage and I want to be able to make a good living IF I need to do so.

Next, working at home can be highly stressful. A part-time job is a welcome relief.

Lastly, you struggle with self-esteem issues that many women struggle with daily. It isn't because you are a man that you feel that you're worth less just because you stay at home. Ours is a society that respects a fat salary and when you do emotonal labour that supports the achievements of those in your family, you aren't recognised. I feel it too. I just tell myself not to care and see my own achievements in the faces of my husband and my children.

:goodpost:
:love:

BeContented
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Re: What would you do? A house-husband dilemma

Postby Chenonceau » Fri May 04, 2012 8:31 pm

BeContented wrote:
Chenonceau wrote:If you look down on your role as house-husband, then you look down on the role of SAHM. I am not an SAHM because I work part-time. Meanwhile, I am proud of what I do at home and my husband is grateful for how I have been able to manage kids, home, my work, family investments, family health... It takes a load of his mind and he can concentrate on his work.

I think you should proud of what you are doing because it is an important role. Not every woman is suited for child-care. Not every man is suited for the corporate climate. Maybe your wife is more suited for corporate and you are more suited for the kids?

If you have special needs child, one of the 2 of you needs to stay home... and if your P5 is doing well and is happy, then you've done a darn good job.

Hence, I would give you the same advice I would give another woman. This advice is gender neutral. I think that no woman (and thus no man) should weaken her/his own position by staying at home entirely. I've always made it a point to earn some money even whilst I handled the issues at home. I do this because anything can happen in a marriage and I want to be able to make a good living IF I need to do so.

Next, working at home can be highly stressful. A part-time job is a welcome relief.

Lastly, you struggle with self-esteem issues that many women struggle with daily. It isn't because you are a man that you feel that you're worth less just because you stay at home. Ours is a society that respects a fat salary and when you do emotonal labour that supports the achievements of those in your family, you aren't recognised. I feel it too. I just tell myself not to care and see my own achievements in the faces of my husband and my children.

:goodpost:
:love:


:love: Back at ya!

Chenonceau
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Re: What would you do? A house-husband dilemma

Postby UncleLim » Sat May 05, 2012 5:48 pm

mel2sg wrote:Hi

Just want to seek opinions here, as I have been battling with myself for very long.

I am currently unemployed, and a house-husband. I used to be a finance professional before quitting 4 years ago for my kids, also partly due to economy downturn and career hit rock bottom.

Back then my 2-years old boy was attending Special school & speech therapies, due to his GDD (global dev delay). Hence, I was very involved in his dev, as I liased very closely with all the teachers & therapies so that I can teach him at home. When he attended Kindergarten, there was a period of time i checked with his teacher daily to address his behaviour issues. Furthermore, to ensure he can blend him to main stream, i have been reading and teaching him phonics. Well, today my boy is at P1, and he reads very well. Every times he came back with his test papers, scoring between 60 - 80 my wife & me are very proud of him.

As for my elder daughter, who is P5 this year, she is doing very well in her studies - 1st in her class last year. In a similar manner, I am very involved in her studies.

I have always wanting to go back to work. But seeing the much progress in kids, esp the boy, made me wanting to do more for him. occassionally, i will ask wife how long more I need to tend to the kids, which normally we do not have an answer. As you know, i have to deal with the daily stares of neighbours, and not to mention even my own parents are embarassed that i being a house-husband. :cry: I am getting very very frusfrated by the day not knowing what to do. Hope can hear some adv here, thanking you in advance.


Hi mel2sg, you are not alone. There are many men who took years off to look after the kids for one reason or another, including myself.

Yes, no more job title. No business card to exchange when you bump into an old friend. Loss of self-worth. Change in dynamics with relatives. The feeling of not being respected. Mid life crisis. Frustration and maybe even depression.

This path less travelled is also a learning journey for a man. How not to depend on the corporate world or even our culture to tell ourselves how much we are worth. Ten years down the road, I bet you and your family will be in a better state than many others in terms of stability and how well your children have been brought up.

The trick here is not to jump into any low-entry-barrier economic activity to boost your sense of self-worth. I have a friend who lost his engineer job and then unhappy with the state of affairs, ventured into part-time business consulting, property, insurance, recruitment, farming, forex and options trading and a host of other things. It was plain to see that he could not accept himself just as he is.

But that is not to say you cannot venture into doing business, or part time work. For all you know, such arrangements can lead to something else further down the road. But your committment to this new work should be tailored in such a way that you can still manage the household and children effectively.

If you are already comfortably provided in terms of finance, make sure you do not rush into any business with just a cash injection and become a sleeping partner due to your lack of experience in that industry. While it is nice to be transformed into a business owner from a stay-at-home-dad, you might be putting yourself and your family savings at risk just to feel better about yourself.

Anyway, just to say with you something that cheered me up a lot when I met with another parent recently ...

Me: So what do you do ? (Actually I usually try not to ask this question.)

The Other Guy: Oh, I am retired now.

Me: Ah ! That is nice. What did you use to do ?

The Other Guy: Before I retired? I was a stay-at-home-Dad.

:wink: :wink: :wink:

UncleLim
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Re: What would you do? A house-husband dilemma

Postby Oppsgal » Sat May 05, 2012 8:04 pm

UncleLim wrote:
mel2sg wrote:Hi

Just want to seek opinions here, as I have been battling with myself for very long.

I am currently unemployed, and a house-husband. I used to be a finance professional before quitting 4 years ago for my kids, also partly due to economy downturn and career hit rock bottom.

Back then my 2-years old boy was attending Special school & speech therapies, due to his GDD (global dev delay). Hence, I was very involved in his dev, as I liased very closely with all the teachers & therapies so that I can teach him at home. When he attended Kindergarten, there was a period of time i checked with his teacher daily to address his behaviour issues. Furthermore, to ensure he can blend him to main stream, i have been reading and teaching him phonics. Well, today my boy is at P1, and he reads very well. Every times he came back with his test papers, scoring between 60 - 80 my wife & me are very proud of him.

As for my elder daughter, who is P5 this year, she is doing very well in her studies - 1st in her class last year. In a similar manner, I am very involved in her studies.

I have always wanting to go back to work. But seeing the much progress in kids, esp the boy, made me wanting to do more for him. occassionally, i will ask wife how long more I need to tend to the kids, which normally we do not have an answer. As you know, i have to deal with the daily stares of neighbours, and not to mention even my own parents are embarassed that i being a house-husband. :cry: I am getting very very frusfrated by the day not knowing what to do. Hope can hear some adv here, thanking you in advance.


Hi mel2sg, you are not alone. There are many men who took years off to look after the kids for one reason or another, including myself.

Yes, no more job title. No business card to exchange when you bump into an old friend. Loss of self-worth. Change in dynamics with relatives. The feeling of not being respected. Mid life crisis. Frustration and maybe even depression.

This path less travelled is also a learning journey for a man. How not to depend on the corporate world or even our culture to tell ourselves how much we are worth. Ten years down the road, I bet you and your family will be in a better state than many others in terms of stability and how well your children have been brought up.

The trick here is not to jump into any low-entry-barrier economic activity to boost your sense of self-worth. I have a friend who lost his engineer job and then unhappy with the state of affairs, ventured into part-time business consulting, property, insurance, recruitment, farming, forex and options trading and a host of other things. It was plain to see that he could not accept himself just as he is.

But that is not to say you cannot venture into doing business, or part time work. For all you know, such arrangements can lead to something else further down the road. But your committment to this new work should be tailored in such a way that you can still manage the household and children effectively.

If you are already comfortably provided in terms of finance, make sure you do not rush into any business with just a cash injection and become a sleeping partner due to your lack of experience in that industry. While it is nice to be transformed into a business owner from a stay-at-home-dad, you might be putting yourself and your family savings at risk just to feel better about yourself.

Anyway, just to say with you something that cheered me up a lot when I met with another parent recently ...

Me: So what do you do ? (Actually I usually try not to ask this question.)

The Other Guy: Oh, I am retired now.

Me: Ah ! That is nice. What did you use to do ?

The Other Guy: Before I retired? I was a stay-at-home-Dad.

:wink: :wink: :wink:


:lol: Good answer.

Oppsgal
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Re: What would you do? A house-husband dilemma

Postby mel2sg » Sat May 05, 2012 8:20 pm

Thanks and appreciate for all your kind and insight replies. Well, I am giving home tuition in the evening, for a start. Financially, we are ok - with at least the house and car fully paid for.

There was once I did explore going into biz, however, later I realized that besides the huge capital involve, I need to put in 200% of time to make it successful. If so, what about my kids?

I think my real challenge (dilemma) is what to do with my life after children - when one gets old and is far far away from the required Min Sum CPF - esp when the govt keeps reminding you on the target. :stompfeet:

mel2sg
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