Ground Rules for our teenagers

Parental influence on children in the first 12 years of their lives have a permanent effect. Unfortunately, children come with no user manual. Each child is different from the other. Discuss how to handle emotional and educational needs of your child here.

Ground Rules for our teenagers

Postby fightingmom » Tue Jul 24, 2012 11:17 am

Hi all daddies and mommies,

I have a 12 year old DD going to be 13 next year - officially a teenager soon.

Just want to know do you set any ground rules for your teenagers ? Mind to share what are they ? How do you ensure that our teenagers follow those ground rules ?

fightingmom
KiasuGrandMaster
KiasuGrandMaster
 
Posts: 6805
Joined: Tue Apr 26, 2011 9:52 pm
Total Likes: 6


Re: Ground Rules for our teenagers

Postby slmkhoo » Tue Jul 24, 2012 12:15 pm

My 2 girls are 13 and 15yo. We've been strict all these years, but also built a strong relationship of trust - we trust them to obey our rules, and they trust us to make sensible rules! Some of our ground rules, not in order of importance:

- Courtesy and respect towards parents is mandatory. Even if they disagree with us, they know how to disagree politely. If they don't like a decision we make, they know how to ask us to discuss it further, and give us their reasons which could cause us to reconsider. We all have to learn to compromise in order to accommodate one another in the family.

- Schoolwork comes first (most of the time). Exceptions will be when they are sick, or when the work is just busywork and time-wasting. I have stepped in to help them finish the busywork so they have time for more sensible things like reading a book. I won't usually approach the teacher unless it's really necessary as teachers already have enough on their plates.

- A parent (usually me) must be informed of their whereabouts all the time. If there is any reason for them to go somewhere unplanned, or stay out later, they must consult me first. With cell phones, it's always possible to call or text me. They don't see this as me being super-controlling but as a way we can help them stay safe.

- BGR isn't an issue yet, but we have already said that we don't approve of single dating before 16yo, and preferably not till 18yo. Before that, we are happy for them to go out in mixed groups as long as we know the other kids (by name and reputation, if not personally), and we always welcome their friends in our home. I prefer to be able to see what they are up to and get to know their friends.

Other things crop up from time to time, like screen time, bedtimes, clothing etc, but generally we discuss and compromise. We probably have other groundrules, but that's what comes to mind now.

slmkhoo
KiasuGrandMaster
KiasuGrandMaster
 
Posts: 8071
Joined: Wed Sep 15, 2010 2:16 pm
Total Likes: 173


Re: Ground Rules for our teenagers

Postby fightingmom » Tue Jul 24, 2012 12:18 pm

Thanks for your sharing.

Can I check what's your stand on sleep overs ?

fightingmom
KiasuGrandMaster
KiasuGrandMaster
 
Posts: 6805
Joined: Tue Apr 26, 2011 9:52 pm
Total Likes: 6


Re: Ground Rules for our teenagers

Postby slmkhoo » Tue Jul 24, 2012 1:46 pm

fightingmom wrote:Thanks for your sharing.

Can I check what's your stand on sleep overs ?

I guess you mean allowing your girl to spend the night elsewhere? We allow sleepovers if we know the other family. Generally it will only be for 1 night, during a weekend or holiday, and a responsible adult will be there throughout. If boys will be present (sometimes for church-type activities), then sleeping arrangements should keep boys and girls separate.

If I don't know the family, I would probably want to speak to the mother before I decide.

I don't know if you call staying at a family friend's house a sleepover? Both my girls are spending this week at a friend's place in another city (it's school holidays for us now). This friend has 2 girls the same age as mine and they are having a great time. Their girls have stayed with us too.

slmkhoo
KiasuGrandMaster
KiasuGrandMaster
 
Posts: 8071
Joined: Wed Sep 15, 2010 2:16 pm
Total Likes: 173



Return to Working With Your Child