JUVENILE DELINQUENTS

Parental influence on children in the first 12 years of their lives have a permanent effect. Unfortunately, children come with no user manual. Each child is different from the other. Discuss how to handle emotional and educational needs of your child here.

If you can't control your child, would you...

1.Make a complaint against your child...
0
No votes
2.Let child be, he/she will improve with time...
0
No votes
3.Seek counselling for/with your child...
15
88%
4.Use physical force to regain parental control...
2
12%
5.Give up and disown your child...
0
No votes
 
Total votes : 17

JUVENILE DELINQUENTS

Postby buds hubs » Thu Jul 02, 2009 9:23 pm

[Editor's note: Topic selected for Portal publication.]

As parents, this is a probably taboo topic which not many would like to
discuss. I am sure that each and every parent would want the “BEST”
for their child. Unfortunately, some parents do face problems and require
assistance from external parties to resolve their issues with their children.
There are many avenues, ie. counselling & psychological services offered
in schools, churches, family service centres and etc. where parents can
turn to when seeking help for their juvenile delinquents; depending on the
severity of their individual problems. However, if all these avenues fail
and in the worst case scenarios... What should we as parents do? Let me
share with you a personal encounter...

Recently, I met a friend of mine who is a mother of three sons aged
between 7yrs – 13yrs. She came to me seeking advice about a problem
which she was facing with her eldest son. Being a single parent, she had
to work most of the time to make ends meet and had no choice but to
leave her three children in the care of her neighbour. Her children had to
fend for themselves and her eldest son had to bear the added
responsibility of looking after his younger siblings.

Although it was difficult at first, her children soon learnt to adapt to the
changes and everything was fine initially. There wasn’t any drastic
changes in their behaviour and this caused the mother to be complacent.
Her over-reliance on her eldest son soon became her downfall. Little did
she realise that her eldest son was feeling neglected as he lacked
attention from his mother. He started looking up to his peers in school.
Unfortunately, the peers whom he looked up to were not in the teacher’s
good books. He started mixing with bad company in & out school where
he picked up smoking, getting involved in fights and skipping classes. Due
to his bad behaviour, he got suspended from school several times before
he was finally expelled nearing the end of Secondary One.

By this time, the relationship between the mother and child had drifted far
apart. The mother realised that she had to do something to mend their
relationship. She desperately tried to get him into another school but her
son had lost interest in his studies. She tried forcing him to go to school
but later realised that he was playing truant. One day, she decided to
send him to school personally and handed him over to the school teacher
to ensure that he attended school. Later that day, she received a call
from the school informing her that he had gone missing. When she
returned home to look for him, he was not at home and his cupboard was
half empty. Suspecting that he had run away from home, she filed a
missing person report. A week later, she received a call from the
authorities telling her that they have found him. Worried for his safety,
she rushed to fetch him home. When she saw him, he looked different
with the dyed hair and ear piercing. A closer inspection revealed some
self-made tattoos on his fingers.

As with any true mothers, she was not willing to give up hope on her first
born son and felt that it was not too late for him to change. Upon reaching
home, she tried talking to him in an attempt to find out what had gone
wrong. Unfortunately, he was the least bit interested and her words just
fell on deaf ears. That very same night, he went missing again. Once
again, she tried desperately to look for him but to no avail. Just as she
was about to return home, she passed by a LAN Gaming Centre and saw
her son with a group of “Ah Bengs”. When she called out to him, he
turned around to look at her. His “newly found friends” asked him who
she was and his reply was, “That stupid old woman is my mother lah...!!”.
He told them to ignore her and to move on. When she tried to stop him,
he pointed his index finger to her face and threatened to get his friends to
beat her if she dared to stand in their way. Feeling utterly disappointed
with her son, she unwillingly allowed him to leave with his friends and
broke down in tears. She came to see me the following day to seek
advice on what she should do with her son.

Taking into consideration the severity of her situation and as her son is
below the age of 16, as a parent, she is allowed to make a complaint to
the juvenile court “IF” she has already exhausted all means necessary to
take control of her son. Of course, making a complaint (Beyond Parental
Control) at the juvenile court is “LAST RESORT” and should only be
considered if there are no other alternatives. Let me sum up in a nutshell
what would happen is she does proceed with making a complaint against her son.

BEYOND PARENTAL CONTROL
The Juvenile Court only makes a Beyond Parental Control (BPC) Order if
parents can prove to the satisfaction of the Court that the child is beyond
parental control. Prior to this, parents will have to go through Pre-
Complaint Counselling with your child conducted by the Singapore
Children's Society (SCS) at the Juvenile Court so as to filter the
borderline cases away from the Court system. They will do a preliminary
assessment to see if they can work with the family to help them with the
child. In the meantime, the case will be adjourned pending counselling
sessions with SCS. Ultimately, if SCS is able to work with the family. The
case will be closed when the family returns to court on the adjourned
date, in the event that the parent(s) elect to withdraw the complaint. If
the SCS is unable to help the family, the matter proceeds in the Juvenile
Justice System.

In the event that Court intervention is necessary, the Magistrate will
confirm with the parent(s) that they are proceeding with the complaint
before calling for a Social Report on the child. Pending the preparation of
the Social Report by Welfare Officers from the Ministry of Community
Development, Youth and Sports (MCYS). The Court may order the child to
be placed in detention (either the Singapore Boys' Home or Toa Payoh
Girls' Home) while the case is adjourned to a later date pending the social
report from MCYS.

Upon returning to the Court on the adjourned date for the Court to
make the appropriate orders, the Magistrate and 2 Panel Advisers will
discuss and consider the Social Report on your child. Subject to your
consent, your child may be ordered to:
(a) be sent to an Approved Home for not less than 2 and not more that 3 years;
or
(b) be placed on statutory supervision for a specified period, not exceeding
3 years, under the supervision of a Social Worker.

buds hubs
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Postby Andaiz » Fri Jul 03, 2009 2:28 pm

Thanks for this! Very illuminating.

Wonder if there are any parents out there with a challenging, Spirited child who's larger than life.

My firstborn is mature for her age (but since going on 7yo, sometimes logic-wise still a little lacking) and can be rude. We're curbing that through talking to her and understanding her. Very challenging since she's an articulate introvert. Am now trying to spend 1-1 time with her...communication seems to be key to this!

For me...time's really a factor since I'm a FTWM and have two more under 5 who require my attention as well :?:

Andaiz
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Postby buds hubs » Fri Jul 03, 2009 8:36 pm

Andaiz wrote:Thanks for this! Very illuminating.....

....communication seems to be key to this!


Hi there.. Glad.. you liked it.. :D

I may not be an expert in this but I agree with you that communication is
the key to reach out to your child..

Some children are a little more difficult to handle as compared to others,
so parents of these children have to put in that extra effort..

The important thing is that parents have to detect the early signs of trouble at an early stage so that it can be rectified before its too
late..

Cheers! :celebrate:

buds hubs
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Postby ZacK » Tue Jul 07, 2009 1:00 pm

Thanks Bud_hubs for your sharing :celebrate:

ZacK
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Postby buds hubs » Tue Jul 07, 2009 7:58 pm

ZacK wrote:Thanks Bud_hubs for your sharing :celebrate:


No Problems Bro..

Actually there is a continuation to this same story.... :roll:

but I need some time to put it in writing... Its just that
I've been bogged down with some stuff at work this entire week. :?:

Will try to do it some time this week once everything settles down a bit.. :celebrate:

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Postby ZacK » Tue Jul 07, 2009 8:54 pm

buds hubs wrote:
ZacK wrote:Thanks Bud_hubs for your sharing :celebrate:


No Problems Bro..

Actually there is a continuation to this same story.... :roll:

but I need some time to put it in writing... Its just that
I've been bogged down with some stuff at work this entire week. :?:

Will try to do it some time this week once everything settles down a bit.. :celebrate:


So typical of you to keep us in suspense :roll: ... Joking :P

We all understand, sometimes there are things that I wanna share except that mind is too tired that I may not be coherent if I post a reply so end up dun post :oops:

ZacK
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Postby buds hubs » Wed Jul 08, 2009 1:39 pm

ZacK wrote:We all understand, sometimes there are things that I wanna share except that mind is too tired that I may not be coherent if I post a reply so end up dun post :oops:


Thats very true Bro...

I guess all of us have our "GOOD" days and our "BAD" days huh..

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Postby smurf » Tue Jul 28, 2009 11:39 am

dunno where to start.

an acquintance has a 14 year old gal. she used to do quite in her studies, ranking below 10 when she joined sec sch. but in the recent mths, she mixed with the wrong gangs. Grades gradully dropping, to the extend that she failed almost all subjects.

studies aside, she also started to ask the mum permission to go out. of cos the mum said cannot. but after sometimes later, her mum gave in and let her out once in a while. but she abused her mum's trust. everytime she went out, she came back with piercing, nose, tongue, ear, etc. and recently, a small tattoo behind.

the mum was furious, beat her until she begged the mum to stop. few times.

One nite, she wanted to escape at midnite to meet 3 guys (in their 20's). A gal alone with 3 guys.

But, she didn't manage to go out, the dad was so angry until he fainted on the spot. seeing that, the gal was stunned and cried. BUT, the next morning, she still want to go out again!

She said she knew those guys from the web.

She has been telling lotsa lies Just so that she can go out. SHe said she want to go Church to do activites, but she only want to go to HER fren church. reason why? she isn't interested in activities, she just wat to meet her frens to go out.

Her blog has very negative remarks about sch. a lot of vulgar words. scolding teachers, she even confess that she is day dreaming and bored in class. She posted some pics of her which seems like soft porn (no nude, just the pose), to entitce men too view.

Recently, she told her mum she wants to kill herself, and she has used knife to cut her hand, but dun tink it's serious. cos she is still alive, maybe just want to scare the parents.

Why has she become like that? and what is the solution?

smurf
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Postby buds hubs » Wed Jul 29, 2009 7:16 pm

smurf wrote: Why has she become like that? and what is the solution?


WOW!!.. That is quite a situation you have here.

Anyway, I think that something must have triggered the sudden change
of behaviour in your friend's daughter. It has already come to a point
where her parents are losing control over her. Personally I dont think that
using physical force works on her. She may see it as a reason to "rebel"
further by doing worse things to hurt the parents.

I would suggest for her parents to speak to a counsellor from their
Church or their daughter's school about the problems faced. Let the
counsellor know about their discoveries ie; tattoos, piercing, blog
comments etc. From there, the counsellor should be able to roughly
gauge how best to approach the situation.

However, the counsellor cant work miracles as it will take some time
to get through to the other party depending on how receptive he/she is to
counselling. Should counselling fail and if matters really get out of hand
(God Forbid), then I guess her parents has got to make a decision
whether or not to make a complaint against their daughter.

Just a point to note, blogging is one of the ways for someone to express
their feelings. There may be some clues as to why your friend's daughter
is behaving in that manner which could be mentioned in her blog.
However, I personally DO NOT condone blogging especially among teens
as many of them may be exposed to a lot of wrong influence and may
be too immature to handle them. Sad to say that there are a lot of
"predators" lurking in the blogging community who prey on these naive
teens.

Thank goodness, the government realises this worrying trend and that is
why there was a recent amendment to the law which now includes
"Sexual Grooming" as one of the offences to deal with such predators
who entice children & teens over the web.

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