How to discipline a 3yr old?

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How to discipline a 3yr old?

Postby sunshine8 » Thu Sep 13, 2012 11:42 am

Hi,

Seeking help here..

I've a 3yo gal and a 6mth boy. Gal was behaving rather ok till when she was about 2+. However things really got out of hand when her brother was borned. At the most difficult time, she could be lying on the floor crying for an hour, putting fingers and all sorts of things into her mouth, deliberately pouring water from her water bottle onto the floor.. Recently she whines for no apparent reason and demands this and that. Sometimes to curb the immediate situation, we gave in to her demands. Sometimes the crying scene stops but at other times, she rejects our giving in and demands more. Worse still she cries when she reaches her childcare and when she goes home. This makes it especially hard for my father in law who is helping to fetch her. She refuses to put on socks and shoes and demands to be carried. Yes, sometimes she throws her water bottle on the floor as well.

We are seriously losing our patience with her. We understand that it could be due to the division of attention between her and her brother but this is not a valid reason for such behaviour. We tried the hard and the soft. Giving in, 1-2-3, scolding included, except caning. But the next moment she would have forgotten. Childcare teachers said we had spoilt her because according to them she was behaving very well inside the childcare in our absence. Well, spoiling her is not my intention, I had thought I wanted to make up for the time that I'm not with her when I pamper her with toys for instance or when I refused to be always harsh on her. I definitely didn't want to spoil her. I would like her to be independent.

Help! Do any fellow parents experience this? How can we resolve this? Also, very importantly, will this be a passing phase?

Thanks.

sunshine8
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Re: How to discipline a 3yr old?

Postby verykiasumummy » Thu Sep 13, 2012 1:02 pm

hi sunshine8,

i experience similarly when i was having my 2nd, my dd. my ds was also playing tantrums frequently... i think u need to talk to ur dd about the new born... make sure she loves him, not hate or jealous of him..

verykiasumummy
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Re: How to discipline a 3yr old?

Postby verykiasumummy » Thu Sep 13, 2012 1:04 pm

tell her that bro grows up to play together with her, and will share things with her.... etc

dun let her have the feeling that bro is snatching everything from her.. my ds didn have the same kind of feeling when my 3rd child was born, so i guess, its all about the communication u have with her to make her understand...

verykiasumummy
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Re: How to discipline a 3yr old?

Postby ammonite » Thu Sep 13, 2012 1:19 pm

Yes, agree that how u communicate with the child is important. House rules should stay the same, try not to change her routine too much and do not link everything to the little brother - eg can't go to the playground because of didi, you have to go to school because of didi, you have to be quiet because of didi etc etc.

You can rephrase everything as either how lucky she is - that she can talk, run, eat different food, jump, have friends etc - and how understanding and helpful she is when she is quiet during nap times, when she dresses herself etc.

Look through her baby photos with her and exclaimed over how small she was, and how big she is now. It may also be helpful to share with her your own experiences with your siblings growing up.

One parent can take her out for special outings once a week. You can also plan new things to show her, celebrating the fact that she is older and bigger. There will be adjustments along the way as the younger one becomes more mobile and start invading her space. You have to help her manage her frustrations and create positive feelings and experiences.

ammonite
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Re: How to discipline a 3yr old?

Postby verykiasumummy » Thu Sep 13, 2012 1:40 pm

u can also try to let them have some physical contact, like ur dd holding milk bottle for him, hugging him together, or read them stories together... try looking for stories talking about brotherhood, like 3 little pigs... very useful..!

verykiasumummy
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Re: How to discipline a 3yr old?

Postby verykiasumummy » Thu Sep 13, 2012 1:40 pm

ammonite wrote:Yes, agree that how u communicate with the child is important. House rules should stay the same, try not to change her routine too much and do not link everything to the little brother - eg can't go to the playground because of didi, you have to go to school because of didi, you have to be quiet because of didi etc etc.

You can rephrase everything as either how lucky she is - that she can talk, run, eat different food, jump, have friends etc - and how understanding and helpful she is when she is quiet during nap times, when she dresses herself etc.

Look through her baby photos with her and exclaimed over how small she was, and how big she is now. It may also be helpful to share with her your own experiences with your siblings growing up.

One parent can take her out for special outings once a week. You can also plan new things to show her, celebrating the fact that she is older and bigger. There will be adjustments along the way as the younger one becomes more mobile and start invading her space. You have to help her manage her frustrations and create positive feelings and experiences.



cant agree more.... sounds like very experienced mum... i still hv long way to learn...

verykiasumummy
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Re: How to discipline a 3yr old?

Postby cherrygal » Thu Sep 13, 2012 2:40 pm

It's also the terrible 2s and 3s phase. My 3yo (youngest) sometimes acts up even when all attention is on her. Testing water and they want to see your reaction to their naughty actions. Try to avoid giving her the "show" she wants to see. Don't react. I use the James Dobson method where you don't pay her any attention when she is misbehaving. Just go about your usual routine and pretend you can't hear her. Just let her vent all she wants.

I did that with my 3yo. She started bawling on the floor when she couldn't get something, I let her vent then 2 mins later, I asked her if she was done. She nodded her head and I wiped her tears and hugged her.

Dobson says that you let the kid vent, but within sight, and you check if the kid's done after a few minutes here and there. If the kid still doesn't want to stop, just continue with your work and check again later.

cherrygal
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Re: How to discipline a 3yr old?

Postby straffan23 » Thu Sep 13, 2012 3:18 pm

My DD was about 3 as well when DS was born. Lots of tantrums and screaming. Sometimes, I think she's downright unreasonable. When all else fails and I simply refuse to shout at her. Shouting invites more shouting! So, here's some of my tricks that got her thinking!

DD: I dun want to eat dinner!!" :mad:
me: OK. Toss the entire bowl into the bin. :imcool:

DD: Throw toys, water bottle, etc on the floor.
Me: OK. I help you. (throws it into the bin). I have even toss things down the rubbish chute! Those drawings, paintings, crayons, etc! :boogie:

As for the DS - instead of saying he's MY baby... I package it as HER BROTHER. So it's hers to love, to take care, to help, etc.

straffan23
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Re: How to discipline a 3yr old?

Postby LOLMum » Thu Sep 13, 2012 4:26 pm

All it takes is just for someone to say "oh your mummy n daddy loves your younger brother/sister more" to undo all the good you have done.

So make sure no one else says such stuff be it jokingly or otherwise.

LOLMum
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Re: How to discipline a 3yr old?

Postby hquek » Thu Sep 13, 2012 4:35 pm

if you are able, spend sometime just with her alone - could be going downstairs to run an errand, or just walk in the park. This could make her feel really special and that she's not forgotten.

And whenever anyone dare say that we love the smaller one more than the elder one, I will immediately rebut. Also, I will reiterate to the older one that he will always be the most special in that he was the firstborn; something no other child can replace.

hquek
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