Time Management - How do u parents deal with it?

Parental influence on children in the first 12 years of their lives have a permanent effect. Unfortunately, children come with no user manual. Each child is different from the other. Discuss how to handle emotional and educational needs of your child here.

Time Management - How do u parents deal with it?

Postby Angelina » Wed Jul 15, 2009 6:06 pm

Hi I am new here! So glad to hv found this forum, becos it suits me the best, and answers most of my stressful problems.
I hv a 4 & a half daughter, am a working mother and hv no maid. Wun consider one until i hv my 2nd child. ANyway, here i am, asking u folks, how do u manage your time? As in how do u juggle work, family(hubby & kids), friends, fitness or beauty at the same time?
My main concern is of cos my daughter's education. I find tat I do not hv any time to coach her with her studies. My MIL takes care of her but my MIL is not educated, so she only speaks Mandarin. As a result, everyday after school, my daughter does nothing but play with her nieces and watch cartoons. There is no one to sit down with her to study. And when I am off work, by the time I go and fetch her back fr there, it would be 9 plus already, which means nearly her bed time. So where do I find the time to coach her in her studies? I hv tried to give her homework to do in the day, she did the first few times, but then later i found out it was the maid (not mine) who did it for her. I'm so frustrated. :stupid:
Anyone got any advice? I planning to send her to some evening classes, but tat would also mean i hv to rush back fr work to fetch her to the class.

Anyone can help this busy mummy here? :?

Thanks in advance~

Angelina
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Postby mummyloves » Thu Jul 16, 2009 9:33 am

Weekends? Start with spending a bit of time coaching her during the weekends?

I have 3 young boys 6, 5 and 2 yo. My helper would help to oversee their homework in the day and i would do music practice or spelling with them at night. so for me, nights are spent talking and connecting with the kids instead of coaching in school work.

On Sats, we have quite a few classes to run to. Sunday would be R&R day :wink:

mummyloves
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Postby hquek » Thu Jul 16, 2009 9:55 am

Angelina,

My kids wake up very early each day (about 7am). So where there is time, I will read to them; or get my elder one (5 y/o) to practise his music.

Also, my mum (main caregiver) only knows chinese. What I do is buy those exercise books with chinese words (and pictures) for my elder son to do. As this is school term, he has to complete 1 word each day (about 16 times for each word); during holidays, he has to do one page (ie 3 words); none needed if he has enrichment on weekdays or weekends.

I think you can try to get those cute exercise books with maths (I'm sure your MIL can do simple maths) and get her started on those. once she knows what is to be done, then to complete the rest of the exercises when you are not around.

my way of 'motivating' him into doing the work during my absence is cartoons. No cartoons if he doesn't complete that 1 word, luckily, my mum enforces this on my behalf (no point if caregiver sabos). :D

My weekends are tied up with the elder's enrichment classes.

hquek
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Postby Funz » Thu Jul 16, 2009 10:46 am

Is your girl in full day childcare? If not consider putting her in a full day programme. A good childcare will still have programmes running in the afternoons. Most cc do have optional enrichment programmes that you can sign up for your gal as well.

For me, I have 2 kids and even though I have an excellent helper, I put them in fullday childcare. I have a fair bit of flexibility in my work so I can pick them up at about 6pm, spend some time with them until bedtime at 10pm, then I continue working again until about 1am sometimes even later.

It takes a little planning but if yours is a normal working hours kinda job but you are staying in the office to clear your work, then you may just have to tell yourself, 2 days a week, I will have to make it back by 7pm and then take it from there.

Funz
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Postby mintcc » Thu Jul 16, 2009 11:10 am

mine is at cc and I only pick him up at 7. usually, we talk and bond on our way back and over dinner.

We probably manage about half an hour average to play games, tlk do his home work and/or read before he sleeps at about 10+

Do you have to stay in your office to work? It helps when office issue a laptop so I can work again after he sleeps when necc...but some times very siong..because I try to work only after he sleeps.. only manage to sleep at 4 am yesterday... :snooze:

mintcc
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Postby schellen » Thu Jul 16, 2009 12:35 pm

My DH and I work full-time. We both end at 6 so my mom helps to pick up my DD (7 yo) from After School Care and give her dinner. We meet my mom at the MRT station at 7pm and on the way home, we may run errands so we may get home close to 8pm. When we get home, DD knows what she has to do: shower, pack bag, do homework (if any), revise for spelling/tingxie (a day before), do music theory homework and practise playing the piano.
Meanwhile, DH quickly feeds his pet fishes and showers so that he can supervise/help DD. He eats dinner after 9pm sometimes. I rush through my chores, eat my dinner quickly (I cannot eat late or else I will get gastric/headache, etc.) and shower. Then, I take over from/join DH. By then, it is usually about 9pm.
DD still needs to be "hurried" since she loves to dally. We remind her that she will lose her playtime or have a shorter storytime if she "wastes" too much time. Usually, she "makes it" and requests for PC/TV/game time by herself or with us. This can take 10-45 minutes, depending on how much time is left and whether the following day is a school day.
Before bedtime, we take turns to read to her. After that, DH has his PC time (and sometimes, dinner time!) while I deal with the rest of my chores like laundry. I leave major chores like ironing and scrubbing to the weekends.
On Saturdays, DD goes for piano and ballet with my MIL. She spends Sundays with my ILs and/or my parents. This works for all of us since they hardly see her and we need the time to clean the house, rest and catch up with friends.
Our schedule is still being fine-tuned to be more efficient as we feel that DD deserves to spend more time relaxing after she gets home. (She does assessment books and homework at After School Care.) Our schedule means DH and me will only spend time together after our DD goes to bed. It is hectic on weekdays but there isn't much we can do about it as we live in such a demanding society.

schellen
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Postby Angelina » Thu Jul 16, 2009 8:27 pm

HI all thanks so much for all ur responses!
Well I did try to get books for my daughter to do at MIL’s place, however my MIL is too busy with 2 other nieces. And mind u, they are very disturbing and too young to reason with. Tat is another problem other than my daughter’s studies. My daughter is constantly frustrated with the 2 kids, cos they are too young to understand and bother her too much. They follow her and snatch her things. She will not retaliate or snatch back, but she will get angry and cry. Which makes me worried too. Give me 5 mins with the 2 kids and I will also go crazy. Sometimes they will pull her hair or hit her too. I do scold them whenever I am there, except when their parents are around of cos. But the more they know u dun wan them to do something, the more they do it! Aaarrggghhhh!!! My MIL will try to scold them too, but one can tell that she dotes on them too. So the 2 kids kind of know they hv a backup.
I did not put her in full day childcare partly cos of the costs, as well as my MIL wants her to be home to see her.
Anyway, I hv kind of found a soln to her studies. I will prob put her at kumon to hv classes twice a wk in the evening, while I will coach her during the wkends, and maybe 1 or 2 days I will make time to coach her in the wkdays. It is tiring for me, cos I am pretty busy at work too, when I am at home I also hv to log in to continue my work. I know many of u parents are so busy too, especially with 2 or 3 kids. So I can’t complain, I hv to strive on!
Its good some of ur husbands chip in too. Mine jus sticks his buttocks to the sofa or chair for TV or computer. I thk in my next life I prefer to be a man ha ha! I did lose it with him at times and he will get scared and change for a few days. But after tat he will revert back to the same ways. Wat to do?
I worry abt everything for the family, go holiday also I plan, and yet I hv to worry abt my work. My mind and body are just so tired.

Angelina
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Postby sashimi » Fri Jul 17, 2009 12:43 am

schellen wrote:My DH and I work full-time. We both end at 6 so my mom helps to pick up my DD (7 yo) from After School Care and give her dinner. We meet my mom at the MRT station at 7pm and on the way home, we may run errands so we may get home close to 8pm. When we get home, DD knows what she has to do: shower, pack bag, do homework (if any), revise for spelling/tingxie (a day before), do music theory homework and practise playing the piano.
Meanwhile, DH quickly feeds his pet fishes and showers so that he can supervise/help DD. He eats dinner after 9pm sometimes. I rush through my chores, eat my dinner quickly (I cannot eat late or else I will get gastric/headache, etc.) and shower. Then, I take over from/join DH. By then, it is usually about 9pm.
DD still needs to be "hurried" since she loves to dally. We remind her that she will lose her playtime or have a shorter storytime if she "wastes" too much time. Usually, she "makes it" and requests for PC/TV/game time by herself or with us. This can take 10-45 minutes, depending on how much time is left and whether the following day is a school day.
Before bedtime, we take turns to read to her. After that, DH has his PC time (and sometimes, dinner time!) while I deal with the rest of my chores like laundry. I leave major chores like ironing and scrubbing to the weekends.


As usual, my DW makes it look like my job is very senang. :P

I will only add one thing, DW is the more schedule-rigid one, who'll "whip" DD to get things done, regardless.

I told her before that I am the balancer. You see, I refuse to allow a child to become the unfortunate victim of adult kanchiongness and rush-to-do-everything. What DW calls dallying is often me trying to ensure DD enjoys a little bit of Life everyday, that I at least try to speak as many number of words to her as I do to my colleagues. (Don't you ever wonder how cruel society is today that you say more to your colleagues than your own family in a day?)

Sure there are many times when DD dallies too long, but by and large, I like to give her the occasional break. Eg. last night, she did everything well, played piano well, so I rewarded her with an hour of TV, which we all watched together. I told her that it'll be too late to read bedtime stories, and indeed it was 10.50pm when she went to bed. Nevertheless, since she behaved, I rewarded her with a short read.

What is time management, really? It's ensuring, of the precious 180+/- minutes you spend with your child every night, even if a major percentage is spent doing the routine and necessary, there must be at least a point, no matter how long or short, where you share a laugh, a smile, or a hug. When DD goes to bed in peace, my job is done.

sashimi
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Postby schellen » Fri Jul 17, 2009 10:34 am

sashimi wrote:Eg. last night, she did everything well, played piano well, so I rewarded her with an hour of TV, which we all watched together. I told her that it'll be too late to read bedtime stories, and indeed it was 10.50pm when she went to bed. Nevertheless, since she behaved, I rewarded her with a short read.


You know why last night she had time for TV? Cos she finished her "tasks" by the time you came home. I didn't even had to rush her and she chatted idly with me as I did the laundry. She even had time to feed your fish and willingly packed her bag before going to shower. :politebleah:

schellen
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Postby ManyHatsLady » Fri Jul 17, 2009 11:30 am

Angelina wrote:HI all thanks so much for all ur responses!
Well I did try to get books for my daughter to do at MIL’s place, however my MIL is too busy with 2 other nieces. .....
I worry abt everything for the family, go holiday also I plan, and yet I hv to worry abt my work. My mind and body are just so tired.


Hi Anglina,
I know all the problems... me a working mom too, got a 6 yr o daughter - MIL takes care of her while I work.

A few suggestions:

1. send your child to a good Montessori school. The school is more learning-centred and teaches independence. It teaches phonics which helps child to read and spell at young age. My daughter has been attending Montessori since 4 yrs old and I don't have to spend time to do homework with her. And the school really prepares children for P1. :lol:

2. give her some homework to do at home, and sought your MIL's help to "supervise" her to do the homework at stipulated time. Start small. When she was 4, I started giving her tingxie everyday, abt 5 words(simple words, each to repeat writing 3 times) - she has to finish writing it before going to school in the morning, and she has to do a fresh same one in the afternoon before I reach home. Somehow or rather, now she already has the habbit, my MIL don't even have to remind her, very "automatic". Increase the load gradually, inculcating a good habit is more important, in my view.

Hope this helps.

ManyHatsLady
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