Crying 5year old son

Parental influence on children in the first 12 years of their lives have a permanent effect. Unfortunately, children come with no user manual. Each child is different from the other. Discuss how to handle emotional and educational needs of your child here.

Crying 5year old son

Postby Ran1977 » Wed Oct 10, 2012 10:32 am

Hi parents,
I want to as k if you have ever encountered this situation before - my 5yr old son is an extreme crybaby. Tell him can't do this - he cries; can't do that - he cries. for example, can't go playground - he cries; can't eat sweet now - he cries...
It's not enough that he cries, he whines and complains over the littlest things (like just an old grandmother and he is ONLY 5!!!).
Worse if he does a mistake he cries...yesterday he fought with a few friends in the bus and while the aunty bus told me, he ended up crying...even the aunty bus told him "You made a mistake, why are u crying"...he said that he knows that mummy will give him a punishment cos of this...

How do any of you parent cope with this. I am a FTWM and am pulling hairs already cos of his attitude...after a hard day's work, it is very stressful taking care of such a kid...Any advice given will be extremely helpful.. :please:

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Re: Crying 5year old son

Postby Chenonceau » Wed Oct 10, 2012 10:39 am

Children cry because it is a convenient way to get those around them to do what they want. In the Terrible Twos to Fives... the child is trying to test the amount of control he has over himself and others. He is coming to realize that he is a separate being from his parents.

The following blogpost may help? Do pay attention to the paragraph starting with "If you do meet tantrums, you have to..."

http://petunialee.blogspot.sg/2012/07/s ... dlers.html

Hope this helps!

Chenonceau
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Re: Crying 5year old son

Postby PhoBIA » Wed Oct 10, 2012 12:38 pm

Maybe your child is crying to get out of trouble.

My boy had done it before. There was once he threw a terrible tantrum. I had forgotten what triggered the tantrum. But my patience was stretched to the limit. I caned him; he wailed super loudly thinking I'll stop if he cries louder.
I told him 'the louder you scream, the harder I'll cane.'
I really caned him hard. After a stroke, he gagged his own mouth and hold back his wailings.
It was painful to cane him so hard but it was worth the effort. After that incident, before his tantrum/anger gets out of proportion, I'll remind him if he cries louder, I'll spank harder.

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Re: Crying 5year old son

Postby Dora1 » Wed Oct 10, 2012 4:04 pm

My DD is about the same age. I agree with Phobia. Other than cry because of physical pain, they cry under other circumstances because parents and other adults tend to give in to them everytime they cry. Everytime they cry and we give in, we are actually training them that if they want to get to something, all they have to do is to cry, and we will give in! So from a young age (around 2), everytime DD cries, I will 1st evaluate what is the cause. If it's because of pain or fright, of cos I'll sayang her. But if the cry is because of tantrums or getting her way, I'll tell her very sternly that mummy doesn't like her to cry - the more she cry, the more I won't give it to her. And I will try to explain to her why she cannot get what she wants, and if there are any alternatives that I can offer her. And if the crying persist, I will just walk away, and remind her every 5 min that the more she cry the more she won't get it, not even the alternatives. You have to be very firm on this to send the msg across. You just have to live with the crying for while. I guess it was easier to start when she was 2, than a 5 yo. But then, I would think he would be more sensible and understands better now if you explain to him. Now she seldom throw tantrums, almost never. And I actually can reason with her very well. Everytime she is on the verge of crying, I will remind her that Mummy doesn't like it. And the more you cry, the more you won't get what you want.
It is not easy, but you must be very firm and consistent

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Re: Crying 5year old son

Postby Chenonceau » Thu Oct 11, 2012 9:11 am

Dora1 wrote:My DD is about the same age. I agree with Phobia. Other than cry because of physical pain, they cry under other circumstances because parents and other adults tend to give in to them everytime they cry. Everytime they cry and we give in, we are actually training them that if they want to get to something, all they have to do is to cry, and we will give in! So from a young age (around 2), everytime DD cries, I will 1st evaluate what is the cause. If it's because of pain or fright, of cos I'll sayang her. But if the cry is because of tantrums or getting her way, I'll tell her very sternly that mummy doesn't like her to cry - the more she cry, the more I won't give it to her. And I will try to explain to her why she cannot get what she wants, and if there are any alternatives that I can offer her. And if the crying persist, I will just walk away, and remind her every 5 min that the more she cry the more she won't get it, not even the alternatives. You have to be very firm on this to send the msg across. You just have to live with the crying for while. I guess it was easier to start when she was 2, than a 5 yo. But then, I would think he would be more sensible and understands better now if you explain to him. Now she seldom throw tantrums, almost never. And I actually can reason with her very well. Everytime she is on the verge of crying, I will remind her that Mummy doesn't like it. And the more you cry, the more you won't get what you want.
It is not easy, but you must be very firm and consistent


In red... :goodpost:

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Re: Crying 5year old son

Postby PhoBIA » Thu Oct 11, 2012 9:16 am

Dora1, you are right!
Being firm and persistant is the hardest part. Everyone in the family must help to execute punishment for the child to learn.
The worst is when a child gets chided by a parent, other family members reprimand the parent instead of reprimanding the child.

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Re: Crying 5year old son

Postby Chenonceau » Thu Oct 11, 2012 9:18 am

PhoBIA wrote:Dora1, you are right!
Being firm and persistant is the hardest part. Everyone in the family must help to execute punishment for the child to learn.
The worst is when a child gets chided by a parent, other family members reprimand the parent instead of reprimanding the child.


I can so relate to this. Doesn't happen anymore because the other family members have by 2 decades of marriage... been dealt with... but man! It used to drive me NUTS!

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Re: Crying 5year old son

Postby Dora1 » Thu Oct 11, 2012 10:19 am

Yeah, everyone at home must have the same thinking. It's probably easier for me cos I brought up DD myself, I was a PTWM with CC. So it's a lot easier for us to be consistent when there's just DH and me. I still remembered that DD even at 2 yo, knew that she can play punk in IL's place. She was throwing tantrums at my IL's place to get what she wants, because she knows my ILs will give in to her. My MIL always say I am too harsh with her etc. I remembered there was a few incidents at my IL's place that I told my MIL not to interfere and I had to bring DD to a room and locked the door to discipline her as she was getting out of hand. Luckily DH is supportive and told his mum to stay out of it. But most of the time, if it is not too serious, I will just stay out of it, if not my MIL will say I dun even let her sayang her granddaughter once a week.
Those kids that are taken care of by grandparents will be very tough. I have a friend whose DS was totally spoilt by her MIL. It was so bad that my friend decided to quit her job and be a SAHM to try and salvage the situation (when DS was about 4+). But her MIL refused to go back to her home (her MIL used to stay with them Mon-Fri to take care of the children). So when my friend disciplined her DS behind closed door, her MIL will cry hysterically outside, banging on the door, pleading with her not to bully her grandson :yikes:
So 1 year after my friend quit, not only did her DS's behaviour not improved, her relationship with her DS deteriorated cos her DS will go to the grandma and not to her. Then there was one time the MIL taught her DS to tell a very big lie to her, and was discovered by my friend. The MIL still denied. So my friend finally did the unimaginable - she drove her MIL out of her house. My friend is a peace loving and normally very meek person. That's why all these years she didn't really extensively interfere with the way her MIL discipline her DS. Now 6 mths after the MIL left their house, I can see that the DS is a much better boy. More confident, reasonable and matured. The DS used to be very scared to try new things, won't socialise, and always hide behind the grandma.
I'm not advocating that everyone chases their mother/MIL out of their house. But I think even if the grandma is the main caregiver, the parents should still set the rules, and communicated periodically to the grandma. Don't wait until things get so out of hand to take drastic actions.
Alternatively, send the DS to a CC so that interactions with the grandparents will be minimized.

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Re: Crying 5year old son

Postby sean wife » Thu Oct 11, 2012 10:48 am

My 5 year old gals also have the 'habit' of crying especially when they wake up from their naps...it is not like they do not have enough sleep as their naps can be like 1-1.5 hrs each day. Sometimes when they nap more, they wake up with better mood, however the problem is it takes them very long to get to nap (can be like 45 mins each time), so if they nap any longer, they will be waking up almost dinner time liao…they only finish their lunch and shower like 2.30pm in the afternoon(takes long time to eat their lunch…), and by the time they really sleep, it is like 3.30-3.45pm liao…I know many 5 years old are not napping liao, but as far as possible, I want them to still nap so that I have more time with them in the evening when I am back from work….but sometimes come back to see 2 crying kids, really ask myself why I rush home every day after work. Their mood gets better later and later in the evening, and by bedtime, they are usually in their best moods and very fun to be with, but then it is time to put them in bed again…

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Re: Crying 5year old son

Postby Chenonceau » Thu Oct 11, 2012 12:27 pm

sean wife wrote:My 5 year old gals also have the 'habit' of crying especially when they wake up from their naps...it is not like they do not have enough sleep as their naps can be like 1-1.5 hrs each day. Sometimes when they nap more, they wake up with better mood, however the problem is it takes them very long to get to nap (can be like 45 mins each time), so if they nap any longer, they will be waking up almost dinner time liao…they only finish their lunch and shower like 2.30pm in the afternoon(takes long time to eat their lunch…), and by the time they really sleep, it is like 3.30-3.45pm liao…I know many 5 years old are not napping liao, but as far as possible, I want them to still nap so that I have more time with them in the evening when I am back from work….but sometimes come back to see 2 crying kids, really ask myself why I rush home every day after work. Their mood gets better later and later in the evening, and by bedtime, they are usually in their best moods and very fun to be with, but then it is time to put them in bed again…


Have you tried using classical music to wake them up? Something soft and mellow that will come on about 15 minutes before they wake up... that will nudge their consciousness slowly awake? Then, give them an extra 15 minutes AFTER they wake up to lounge in bed... cuddle you... kiss kiss kiss. I like this part best - Mommy gets to cuddle too. And when they're ready, they'll get up by themselves.

Especially if you arrange it so that they're a little hungry at that time, and prepare a favourite snack on a small table nearby.

You can also play with lighting. If you have opaque curtains, then they get to sleep in darkness. When you need them to wake up, just draw the curtains about 15 minutes before wake-up time.

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