overprotective of DD?

Parental influence on children in the first 12 years of their lives have a permanent effect. Unfortunately, children come with no user manual. Each child is different from the other. Discuss how to handle emotional and educational needs of your child here.

overprotective of DD?

Postby SBKS » Wed Nov 28, 2012 9:38 am

Hi,

I have a 4.5yo DD in child care. My DD has mentioned to me that she is hugged and kissed by a boy in class. I told her once should be ok.

She just nodded.

But when I witness it myself, its not acceptable to me. The boy is like putting both arms ard her neck infront of her and trying to kiss her. almost like an adult. My DD try to push him away but he hold on tight.

Thats not acceptable right? Or m i being overprotective?

SBKS
BlackBelt
BlackBelt
 
Posts: 839
Joined: Tue May 24, 2011 5:22 am
Total Likes: 0


Re: overprotective of DD?

Postby Sun_2010 » Wed Nov 28, 2012 10:03 am

SBKS wrote:Hi,

I have a 4.5yo DD in child care. My DD has mentioned to me that she is hugged and kissed by a boy in class. I told her once should be ok.

She just nodded.

But when I witness it myself, its not acceptable to me. The boy is like putting both arms ard her neck infront of her and trying to kiss her. almost like an adult. My DD try to push him away but he hold on tight.

Thats not acceptable right? Or m i being overprotective?


No not over protective.

When your DD first mentioned, did she say how she felt? I mean , it seems that she was uncomfortable that is why she brought it up. My take is even small children can feel when a even a touch that is not right. If she doesnt like it, she should not have to experience it.

I would eve say, we should encourage our children to listen to their body , to their instinct. Go by your DD's gut feel.

Just my two cents...
Now that even you are not comfortable, please talk to the teacher or boy and gently ask him not to do it, as your daughter doesnt like it. Be firm about. Also gradually teach her to to the same.

Sun_2010
KiasuGrandMaster
KiasuGrandMaster
 
Posts: 4613
Joined: Mon Feb 22, 2010 2:13 pm
Total Likes: 145


Re: overprotective of DD?

Postby SBKS » Wed Nov 28, 2012 6:32 pm

hi sun_2010,

Ok sure. Thanks for your reply.

SBKS
BlackBelt
BlackBelt
 
Posts: 839
Joined: Tue May 24, 2011 5:22 am
Total Likes: 0


Re: overprotective of DD?

Postby CayennePepper » Wed Nov 28, 2012 7:13 pm

Hi SBKS
I don't think you're being overprotective.

To me, it's important for young children to learn (1) what is appropriate/acceptable touching and what is not; and (2) to speak up for themselves when they are uncomfortable with some actions, even if they've been told it's okay by caregivers, and especially so if the 'toucher' is the one assuring them.

Teach your daughter to tell the little boy, politely and firmly, to refrain from hugging her. I think it's not out of line to mention to your teacher that you don't feel comfortable about the hugging. She should understand.

CayennePepper
KiasuGrandMaster
KiasuGrandMaster
 
Posts: 1026
Joined: Fri Nov 26, 2010 2:06 pm
Total Likes: 9


Re: overprotective of DD?

Postby cherrygal » Wed Nov 28, 2012 9:38 pm

Think that little boy is imitating TV shows. I tell my gal not to let boys kiss her in preschool as saliva is unclean and most of these kids either have oily mouths or runny noses... eeeks

cherrygal
KiasuGrandMaster
KiasuGrandMaster
 
Posts: 2886
Joined: Thu Aug 06, 2009 1:01 am
Total Likes: 13



Re: overprotective of DD?

Postby SBKS » Wed Nov 28, 2012 11:02 pm

ok sure will do that.

i told her to tell the teachers.

but how do we stop it if it happens infront of you? tell the parent? separate the them by force? tell the boy dun do it? ask teachers to intervene? record video as evidence?

SBKS
BlackBelt
BlackBelt
 
Posts: 839
Joined: Tue May 24, 2011 5:22 am
Total Likes: 0


Re: overprotective of DD?

Postby cherrygal » Wed Nov 28, 2012 11:38 pm

I think the best is to train your gal to tell the boy firmly not to go near her and if he doesn't give up, she should just avoid him or walk away. Telling teacher is useless coz she can only tell AFTER the kiss. Too late... better to be proactive than reactive.

If you witness it, you could tell the boy that your gal has a cough / runny nose to scare him away. If you tell his parents, I guarantee you that his parents will laugh it off and say you are too sensitive. <pull hair>

You could tell the teachers and some will try to separate them but you cannot expect the teachers to monitor them like hawks, so the best way is still to train your gal to protect herself.

When I read your post, the first thought in my mind was not the mental discomfort of such close interaction, but rather the germs that could be spread. I would tell the teachers to prevent such close interactions as HFMD could be spread easily. Preschools are very afraid of such things so it may work better than trying to convince them that your kid is plain "uncomfortable".

cherrygal
KiasuGrandMaster
KiasuGrandMaster
 
Posts: 2886
Joined: Thu Aug 06, 2009 1:01 am
Total Likes: 13


Re: overprotective of DD?

Postby slmkhoo » Thu Nov 29, 2012 9:07 am

I am probably old-fashioned, but I feel that this kind of behaviour is just not appropriate between a boy and a girl, even of this age. I would tell the teachers so, and also tell your daughter that she is perfectly entitled to say that she doesn't want him to hug and kiss her. The boy is probably just exuberant and doesn't know that it's inappropriate.

slmkhoo
KiasuGrandMaster
KiasuGrandMaster
 
Posts: 8072
Joined: Wed Sep 15, 2010 2:16 pm
Total Likes: 173


Re: overprotective of DD?

Postby Funz » Thu Nov 29, 2012 10:17 am

If this happens in front of me, I will tell the boy that this is not how DD likes to be greeted and proceed to show how to greet DD. Tell him I think he can be a very good friend to DD but DD simply hates to be hugged and kissed like that and task him to tell others not to do that to DD if he should see that happening.

At the same time, I will highlight to the teacher that though I know it is harmless, DD and my preference is for this boy to stop the hugging and kissing and for the teacher to help monitor the situation.

Funz
Councillor
Councillor
 
Posts: 10820
Joined: Wed May 27, 2009 12:48 pm
Total Likes: 318


Re: overprotective of DD?

Postby Sun_2010 » Thu Nov 29, 2012 11:13 am

TeachingMyToddlers.com wrote:When dealing with these kinds of situations, I train DD to *put her hand up* and say *Stop!* and then say whatever she needs to say. In this case, that might be "I don't want to be hugged today" and then offer an appropriate alternative if she feels okay with that, like "We can play blocks instead." If he's really troublesome to her, I wouldn't even tell her to offer that. It may seem blunt, but our girls are is going to be dealing with men the rest of their lives and some just do not have a clue. I would tell her to keep a close eye out for when he seems like he's coming close to her and she can stop him before he begins to hug her. Have her practice using her hand and forcefully saying "Stop!" at home.

Image

If a more gentle approach is effective, then by all means use it, but I am overprotective when it comes to my kids.

On a semi-related note, I always tell my kids that I will never force them to give hugs and kisses to someone they don't want to, even an uncle, grandfather, etc. I feel like it will set them up to feel like it's okay to be pressured into giving affection. So I ask them, "Do you want to give a hug good by or a high five?" and wait for their response. If it's just a wave, that's fine with me, too. My kids' comfort level is more important to me than hurting someone else's feelings and forcing affection.

:goodpost:

Sun_2010
KiasuGrandMaster
KiasuGrandMaster
 
Posts: 4613
Joined: Mon Feb 22, 2010 2:13 pm
Total Likes: 145


Next

Return to Working With Your Child