Help! I really don't know what we should do to help him

Parental influence on children in the first 12 years of their lives have a permanent effect. Unfortunately, children come with no user manual. Each child is different from the other. Discuss how to handle emotional and educational needs of your child here.

Help! I really don't know what we should do to help him

Postby lionbaby » Sat Jan 12, 2013 12:37 am

It's only less than 2 weeks since the school reopens and I received complaint from his teacher about him hitting and disturbing his friends in class. It is not the first time, no matter how we talked to him or punished him, it happened again and again. When we asked him why did he beat his friend, he couldn't give us a satisfactory answer. Either lie or anyhow give us an answer. He had also promised us countless times that he will not do it again and will control his actions but it just keep happening. Not just the school complained, his enrichment classes teachers and friends also complained.

We really dont know what had caused this behaviour, and have tried doing anything and everything we could to rectify this, e.g. Ban all heroes shows and toys, giving him more attention, and praise him when he's gentle with his litte brother, etc...but it does help a bit but didn't stop it. I am really running out of ideas on how to discipline him. He is only Pri 1 and I really need to get this into control before its too late. I don't want him to be condemned by his classmates and teachers.

I know not many people will have to deal with such kids but I will really appreciate some advice from parents who experience what I am going through. Thank you very much!



Please

lionbaby
YellowBelt
YellowBelt
 
Posts: 16
Joined: Wed Oct 14, 2009 2:49 pm
Total Likes: 0


Re: Help! I really don't know what we should do to help him

Postby mummy OnABudget » Sat Jan 12, 2013 12:58 am

I do know where u are coming from, my ds is 12 this yr i been thru it all. Patience is what u need, is he hyperactive by any chance my is slightly hyper so when he starts to do a little bit rubbish in class he will be ask to leave the classroom go to the toilet wash his face take a breather.

mummy OnABudget
BrownBelt
BrownBelt
 
Posts: 729
Joined: Thu Nov 29, 2012 8:04 pm
Total Likes: 2


Re: Help! I really don't know what we should do to help him

Postby Jennifer » Sat Jan 12, 2013 7:25 am

There is an article in this week's Mind Your Body on teaching parents to cope with children with behavourial issues due to various reasons.

If you cant get hold of this article, PM me your address and I can mail the article to you.

In the article, a few websites are listed:

www.triplep.net
www.kkh.com.sg
www.nuh.com.sg
pcit.org
pcit.phhp.ufi.edu

In the meanwhile, be patient and do not resort to physical punishment. :hugs:

Jennifer
KiasuGrandMaster
KiasuGrandMaster
 
Posts: 23241
Joined: Fri Sep 05, 2008 1:10 pm
Total Likes: 106


Re: Help! I really don't know what we should do to help him

Postby rains » Sat Jan 12, 2013 8:08 am

How about trying out a reward system?

Tell him before he goes to school,"I will ask your teacher after school today if you have been a good boy (explain what being a good boy entails ie. Don't hit others). If your teacher tells me you didn't hit your classmates, I will take you to the playground to play."

If he really succeeded in restraining himself, praise and reward him, and try out two days of non-violence, and eventually stretch it to a week and so on; but if he didnt, repeat the idea of reward to him again and ask him if he wants to go to the playground.

Be patient and keep trying. Most kids want to please adults very badly.

rains
KiasuGrandMaster
KiasuGrandMaster
 
Posts: 1401
Joined: Sat Jun 06, 2009 6:05 pm
Total Likes: 117


Re: Help! I really don't know what we should do to help him

Postby Just relax » Sat Jan 12, 2013 8:41 am

The generally accepted theory is that the child behaves so as to attract attention.

He may be afraid that being away from u he will not have your attention or affection. So u have to let him know that u are thinking about him all the time even when he is in school.

Just relax
GreenBelt
GreenBelt
 
Posts: 190
Joined: Mon Nov 12, 2012 6:29 am
Total Likes: 19



Re: Help! I really don't know what we should do to help him

Postby slmkhoo » Sat Jan 12, 2013 9:59 am

Could he have ADHD? It could be that he is too impulsive and hasn't learned to control his behaviour. For such kids, rewards and time-outs must be issued on the spot, not hours later. Read up on ADHD and it may give you some ideas on how to deal with his behaviour.

slmkhoo
KiasuGrandMaster
KiasuGrandMaster
 
Posts: 8072
Joined: Wed Sep 15, 2010 2:16 pm
Total Likes: 173


Re: Help! I really don't know what we should do to help him

Postby 2ppaamm » Sat Jan 12, 2013 4:40 pm

I think he is afraid and does not know where to get help. If you reprimand him as well, he has nowhere to go for help. Perhaps you should really sit down and listen or request to sit in class to observe. If he behaves while you are around, then he is really missing your presence or really afraid. Work from there.

2ppaamm
KiasuGrandMaster
KiasuGrandMaster
 
Posts: 2538
Joined: Wed Dec 23, 2009 11:57 pm
Total Likes: 6


Re: Help! I really don't know what we should do to help him

Postby lionbaby » Sat Jan 12, 2013 9:28 pm

Thanks everyone for all your advices and suggestions.

Actually I have received complaints from his preschool teachers, school bus driver, and other parents about him hurting other children. Almost all the time is due to rough play or inappropriate play with his friends (like boxing or sorts) as we noted that those who kena were those who always hangout with him. Sometimes it's due to him unable to control his anger when others provoke him verbally..he is too overly excited when he is playing and he can't control himself when he loses or others snatch his toy. I noticed that when I observed how he played with his brother.

We have implemented rewards system, together with the teacher, and his caregivers. We also took away his toy time for a few days as punishment. I must say these methods do work as he will stop doing it for a while. Teachers also say there's improvement. But after a few months, i will receive a complaint again.

His is not ADHD. We brought him to KKH to check if he's got ADHD because a lot of symptoms are similar to what we saw on him. That year he underwent 3 times of occupational therapy and 1 speech therapy (cos we suspect he used action when he can't verbalise himself well. We were also asked to attend a course to deal with kids with behaviour problem. Every time he is there at kkh, he is so well behaved so they said he's ok.

We also suspect that he is showing all these because of the presence of his younger brother so we deliberately gave him more attention and time alone with us and praised him when he took care of his brother.

I understand that it may be difficult for him to adapt to the new environment and schedule that's why hubby and i have been reminding him daily not to disturb and bully his friends if he wants them to friend him. First few days were good and he can still tell us about all the rules and expected behaviour in school. But my nightmare still happened.

I had a talk with him last night. He couldn't tell me the reason for hitting his friend, as expected. I suspect is due to rough or inappropriate play again... We took away his toy time again this time and gave him one stroke of cane on his palm (he knows that is the punishment for hurting his friend all the while).

Thanks for all the encouragement. You also reminded me that patient is what I need. I guess that's the only thing I can do for him now. Continue to remind him, explain the consequences to him, praise him for being good to his brother or when I receive positive comments from teachers... I know he is not a bad boy he just needs help!

lionbaby
YellowBelt
YellowBelt
 
Posts: 16
Joined: Wed Oct 14, 2009 2:49 pm
Total Likes: 0


Re: Help! I really don't know what we should do to help him

Postby mummy OnABudget » Mon Jan 14, 2013 12:11 am

kkh also declared my boy as non adhd BUT as a preschool trained teacher i know hes slightly adhd so i put him on track and field in school to burn out some of his energy, yes now be PATIENT and try to talk to him talk him out his so called ad feelings lol.

mummy OnABudget
BrownBelt
BrownBelt
 
Posts: 729
Joined: Thu Nov 29, 2012 8:04 pm
Total Likes: 2


Re: Help! I really don't know what we should do to help him

Postby Koh-i-Noor » Mon Jan 14, 2013 1:06 am

Hi, parent Lionbaby, I am not sure if this is relevant....

I would like to share this with you, 6 years ago when my son was at P1, he had a classmate with similar behavior. I was the parent volunteer to witness one of my boy's classmate with such impulse.

It was no fault of the boy at all, he is a super bright boy, it's just that he had an issue with his control of impulse; he couldn't seem to control his impulse, according to his mother, the boy was diagnosed with Anger-management related issue from 4 years old. He could easily be triggered to "act up" to trivial thing like the sudden switch off of the room light...

With tailored therapy, this boy at P3 to P4 was able to control his impulse and sailed smoothly since, and he did very very very well for his PSLE! ^_^

Have faith, and continue working with your boy. Seek help if needed.
Last edited by Koh-i-Noor on Mon Jan 14, 2013 1:08 am, edited 3 times in total.

Koh-i-Noor
OrangeBelt
OrangeBelt
 
Posts: 60
Joined: Sun Sep 09, 2012 11:37 pm
Total Likes: 2


Next

Return to Working With Your Child