All About Bullying

Parental influence on children in the first 12 years of their lives have a permanent effect. Unfortunately, children come with no user manual. Each child is different from the other. Discuss how to handle emotional and educational needs of your child here.

Postby nissin » Mon Apr 18, 2011 9:03 am

I totally agree fully that parents must play a big role in the proper upbringing of the kids. I was so shocked when a close friend of mine while chatting told me that she is ok as long as her boy is not the victim..she does not mind her kids going around bullying other kids..and mind u, her elder boy is only 35 mths now and he likes to hit others (his mummy is actually proud that her kid is not a softie!!). What a twisted mentality!! Are all the new-age parents like that nowadays??
:?

Teachers and principals have to play a part too! There was once in my kids kindy where there is a big bully in my son's class, with a very cute looking face..many kids were "bullied" by him before..so when I told the person-in charge of the kindy about this boy, she just brushed it off by saying "Oh,he's actually a very lovable boy..just playing around". Even teachers/principals are treating these as trivial matters, no wonder the bullies will carry on their "evil ways" till teenage yrs!

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Postby Guest » Mon Apr 18, 2011 10:01 am

nissin wrote:I totally agree fully that parents must play a big role in the proper upbringing of the kids. I was so shocked when a close friend of mine while chatting told me that she is ok as long as her boy is not the victim..she does not mind her kids going around bullying other kids..and mind u, her elder boy is only 35 mths now and he likes to hit others (his mummy is actually proud that her kid is not a softie!!). What a twisted mentality!! Are all the new-age parents like that nowadays??
:?

Teachers and principals have to play a part too! There was once in my kids kindy where there is a big bully in my son's class, with a very cute looking face..many kids were "bullied" by him before..so when I told the person-in charge of the kindy about this boy, she just brushed it off by saying "Oh,he's actually a very lovable boy..just playing around". Even teachers/principals are treating these as trivial matters, no wonder the bullies will carry on their "evil ways" till teenage yrs!


I wonder about "new-age" parents too. Recently, a boy did wrong by kicking continuously at an adult's seat and all the parent did was to quarrel with the adult who turned around and scolded the boy. I was SHOCKED!! They created an ugly scene.

As for teachers and principals, I can only respect those who really care and not just shy away from trouble. However, it is also important that they are taught how to manage situations, not all of them are able to do it well hence most decide they should not manage. Sometimes more damage is done if not handled properly.
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Re: Shocking Bully Incidents

Postby Brenda10 » Mon Apr 18, 2011 10:22 am

ksi wrote:Personally I feel the situation is getting out of hand. I have first hand experience as well and I feel that parents play a BIG part in this.

http://edvantage.com.sg/edvantage/featu ... cases.html


Hi ksi

Thank you for sharing.

Just to share with you a poem that dd used to say:

老师怕校长
校长怕家长
家长怕小家长

:(

Brenda10
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Re: Shocking Bully Incidents

Postby Guest » Mon Apr 18, 2011 10:29 am

Brenda10 wrote:
ksi wrote:Personally I feel the situation is getting out of hand. I have first hand experience as well and I feel that parents play a BIG part in this.

http://edvantage.com.sg/edvantage/featu ... cases.html


Hi ksi

Thank you for sharing.

Just to share with you a poem that dd used to say:

老师怕校长
校长怕家长
家长怕小家长

:(


Then you can tell her...

怕得没完没了.....其中一位必进监牢....最有可能的是小家长
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Re: Shocking Bully Incidents

Postby Brenda10 » Mon Apr 18, 2011 10:42 am

ksi wrote:[quote="Brenda10Then you can tell her...

怕得没完没了.....其中一位必进监牢....最有可能的是小家长


True, that's the problem we are seeing more and more today.

Brenda10
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Postby tamarind » Mon Apr 18, 2011 10:56 am

I read the letter in the forum page in the Straits Times, and I was really shocked. First, how can such a young boy learn to do such a horrible thing. I believe that he must have seen someone doing it before, either in real life, or watched too many trashy TV. He must have been brought up in an environment where such horrible beatings seem normal. At his age, he could kill someone, and he does not need to go to jail. I really hope that the authority can take him away and educate him properly, his parents are obviously doing something very wrong.

Another thing that really disturbed me is the people who just stood around to watch. I know that Singaporeans are very kiasi, they don't want to get into trouble. If they stopped the bad boy, his parents may sue them for causing hurt to the boy. But then in this case, the bad boy is doing something so horrible, anyone with common sense should stop him. I cannot believe that Singaporeans can be kiasi until this extent. They are really disgusting.

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Postby Guest » Mon Apr 18, 2011 11:01 am

tamarind wrote:I read the letter in the forum page in the Straits Times, and I was really shocked. First, how can such a young boy learn to do such a horrible thing. I believe that he must have seen someone doing it before, either in real life, or watched too many trashy TV. He must have been brought up in an environment where such horrible beatings seem normal. At his age, he could kill someone, and he does not need to go to jail. I really hope that the authority can take him away and educate him properly, his parents are obviously doing something very wrong.

Another thing that really disturbed me is the people who just stood around to watch. I know that Singaporeans are very kiasi, they don't want to get into trouble. If they stopped the bad boy, his parents may sue them for causing hurt to the boy. But then in this case, the bad boy is doing something so horrible, anyone with common sense should stop him. I cannot believe that Singaporeans can be kiasi until this extent. They are really disgusting.


Yes it is totally unacceptable to me.... uncivil society we have become....
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Postby LOLMum » Tue Apr 19, 2011 10:45 am

what would you do if a parent marches up to your kid and scolds him for being a bully? or if you witness such a thing, what would you do if the kid is not your child?

lately there were 2-3 cases of parent doing that to kids at ds's school. we dont know what happened between the kids and if school knows of the happenings between the kids.

there are many reasons why the parents approach the kid eg. a) not happy with the way school dealt with it b) unhappy with no actions being taken by school c) parents of bully do not think it is a matter of bullying or their kid is a bully d) parents of victim didnt tell teacher cos' they thought it might be a one or two times kind of things or their own kids might have been mistaken about bullying but after a few times, parents decided to take tihings into their hands.

LOLMum
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Postby Mrsbongz » Tue Apr 19, 2011 10:55 am

Hmm.. if it's not my child, then I will not interfere as I do not know what happened.. But if it is my child, I will ask the parent to explain the situation to me, and I will attempt to resolve it immediately.

I find that sometimes it is just a miscommunication, like my ds will say that his friends bully him and do not want to go to school.. it has happened before in his kindy, but after probing, I realised that it was more of harmless pranks, and my child was upset.. So I tried to define what bullyin means.. or how he can deal with the situation.

I find it disconcerting to label children as 'bullies' or problematic.. I very much rather teach my child to handle it as a situation than to say, 'oh that's bullying, we should complain.' very often, the 'bully' doesn't know better or has lesser EQ, but that is common in children as they have not fully developewd their 'reasoning', empathy sides..

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Postby LOLMum » Tue Apr 19, 2011 11:10 am

i agree that "bully" is used too loosely.

everyone looks at things differently, so what is playing for one might be bullying to another.

so far so good for ds, this only happened once to ds when his classmates did something to his eye area because he wasnt happy with ds for walking faster than him. :!:

i picked up a very shaken ds and promptly informed teacher (i dont mind pushing or hitting if no major injuries but the eye area is another thing) who dealt with it swiftly. i didnt talked to the kids or his parents. both kids are good now and sometimes he joins us for lunch in school and i didnt bring up the matter with him.

i also know of a kid who is on mediation and couldnt control his actions so to put the "bully" term on him is too harsh and hurting for him and his parents.

but i do think parents should know better than to be a bully.

LOLMum
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