Is my girl too attach to me, or is it close bonding?

Parental influence on children in the first 12 years of their lives have a permanent effect. Unfortunately, children come with no user manual. Each child is different from the other. Discuss how to handle emotional and educational needs of your child here.

Is my girl too attach to me, or is it close bonding?

Postby mel2sg » Wed Apr 17, 2013 10:33 am

I am a SAHD. My girl is P6 this year, and since P2 she has been keep calling me (using the school phone) daily during recess. Mostly to chit-chat, update on her daily happenings and sometimes on advice.

I have told her many times that she should use her recess time to mix around and socialize more with others rather than keep calling me, as when she back home she still can update me. I am trying to distant myself so that she can think and solve problems by herself.

I am confuse, is it my girl too attached to me or is it close bonding? Am I doing the right thing? :scratchhead:

mel2sg
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Re: Is my girl too attach to me, or is it close bonding?

Postby ngl2010 » Wed Apr 17, 2013 8:39 pm

Hmmm... I only can tell you that it is unusual. I don't think I can advise you :(

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Re: Is my girl too attach to me, or is it close bonding?

Postby slmkhoo » Thu Apr 18, 2013 8:21 am

It does sound unusual. I have to remind my kids to call if there are changes in their schedule or they will forget to call me at all when with friends. Is she having issues with friends in school? Or is she over-stressed by PSLE preparation? See if you can find the reason for the frequent calls and deal with that. At the same time, you have to take steps to limit the calls from her during the school day to emergencies. Maybe just tell her to text rather than to call, and that you won't answer if it's not an emergency.

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Re: Is my girl too attach to me, or is it close bonding?

Postby ammonite » Thu Apr 18, 2013 8:41 am

The teachers may be able to shed some light. Why don't you email or call her teachers to ask how she is coping academically and socially? If they have no insights, they can start watching more closely, esp for social dynamics.

Don't push away too quickly or too hard, it may cause greater anxiety. Just be supportive but firm and keep phone calls short. You can consider telling her that she is a big girl now, and you want to respect that and support her in becoming more independent.

I know a boy with separation anxiety through his young years because of a series of moves in the early years. He was uprooted three times across neighborhoods and borders before he was five and became very anxious. He was 10 before he could let his mother out of sight for anything more than a few minutes. It's not quite the same as your case of course, but generally, the approach is slow and steady, and keep offering the child opportunities to be independent and stretching out the periods apart. So you could limit the length of phone calls first. Gradually you can tell her to call on alternate days instead of every day and so on. But also speak to the teachers in case something is going on in school.

ammonite
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Re: Is my girl too attach to me, or is it close bonding?

Postby ngl2010 » Thu Apr 18, 2013 12:39 pm

I just realised that your girl is in P6. Since PSLE is very near, maybe it is not a good idea to disturb the routine since she has been calling you daily during recess time since P2. Why don't you see how it goes when she is Sec 1?

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Re: Is my girl too attach to me, or is it close bonding?

Postby sundaymorning » Thu Apr 18, 2013 11:33 pm

hi,
its pretty unusual.
perhaps she do not have a wide social circle in school and not very bonded with her friends.
Perhaps you could find out more from her and her teachers.
I recommend you not to distant from her as this will affect her emotionally, rather you could communicate and find out more before deciding.

sundaymorning
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Re: Is my girl too attach to me, or is it close bonding?

Postby JohnYeo » Mon Apr 22, 2013 4:57 pm

sundaymorning wrote:hi,
Perhaps you could find out more from her and her teachers.
I recommend you not to distant from her as this will affect her emotionally, rather you could communicate and find out more before deciding.


I agree on this part too. Do not distant yourself from her because this action is just based on a few assumptions...

mel2sg wrote:I have told her many times that she should use her recess time to mix around and socialize more with others rather than keep calling me, as when she back home she still can update me. I am trying to distant myself so that she can think and solve problems by herself.


But before that, I would want to understand more...Is she calling you to share that she has a problem? Or is she bored that she has no one to talk too?

And the assumption may be she has someone to talk too or she knows how to socialise even if she wants to.

I have P6 kids telling me that they have no friend in school or they want to make more friends but they do not know how to.

So depending on the actual problem, assuming she has no one to mix around in school, you may want to find out more from her teachers? Maybe by calling you often is her way of telling you she has not many friends in school and she prefers to talk to you?

One other effect by distanting yourself from her may be sending a message that daddy does not want to help you...so just be aware of it.

The best is to talk to her about it...

You can start off with "You know daddy has noticed that you have always been calling me from school during recess time. What happened? What are your other friends doing? (And if she says they have their own groups. You can say.) so why don't you join them? What is stopping you from joining them?"

And assuming that she does not know how to mix around, the skill that she is lacking is socialising and you may want to teach her that and encourage her to do it on a consistent basis...Children also model after parents...she will also watch and observe how her daddy and mommy socialise with their friends...

My 2 cents,
John

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