How to manage a child who refuse to go to school

Parental influence on children in the first 12 years of their lives have a permanent effect. Unfortunately, children come with no user manual. Each child is different from the other. Discuss how to handle emotional and educational needs of your child here.

How to manage a child who refuse to go to school

Postby chixchix » Thu Jul 17, 2008 8:41 pm

:( hii all I need some advice from parents.. my older boy is in K1... and younger one in N1. While the older one loves school...my younger one who is going 3x a week has to be dragged out of home to go to school....he doesnt like getting ready to go to school..... i have tried many ways to " Bribe" him but nothing works..

all he does is to cry out loudly and look for my DH. My DH never advises him that he has to go to school. I am getting nuts over this issue because monthly we pay about $550 for his fees and bus. Its all being wasted. He goes to school maybe once a week. There are times I have resorted to slapping him but all doesnt work... he can cry for 15-20 mins non stop..

i am considering to take him out and put him in a cheaper nursery. Any advice from parents who have been in similar situation ? :cry:

chixchix
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Re: Uncontrollable Child

Postby jedamum » Thu Jul 17, 2008 10:32 pm

It is either that you
1. consider a cheaper nursery that offer 5 day week programme
or
2. extend his current nursery programme to 5 day week.

When my ds1 first started school, we enrolled him in a twice a week programme. He never fully integrated with the school system and cried whenever it is time to go to school. The staff advised us to sign up for the 5 day week programme, but we could not, due to logistics issue (and it is not cheap). 6 mths down the road we withdrew him and then enrolled him in pcf nursery as he was already 4 yrs old. After 3 mths of crying and screaming, he settled in.

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Re: Uncontrollable Child

Postby Fettuccine » Thu Jul 17, 2008 10:36 pm

chixchix wrote::( hii all I need some advice from parents.. my older boy is in K1... and younger one in N1. While the older one loves school...my younger one who is going 3x a week has to be dragged out of home to go to school....he doesnt like getting ready to go to school..... i have tried many ways to " Bribe" him but nothing works..

all he does is to cry out loudly and look for my DH. My DH never advises him that he has to go to school. I am getting nuts over this issue because monthly we pay about $550 for his fees and bus. Its all being wasted. He goes to school maybe once a week. There are times I have resorted to slapping him but all doesnt work... he can cry for 15-20 mins non stop..

i am considering to take him out and put him in a cheaper nursery. Any advice from parents who have been in similar situation ? :cry:


Sounds like he is not ready for school? Have your little boy been to playgroups or small classes before? If no, he is probably new and inexperience with school. Usually kids will cry about 2 weeks to a month before they feel settled down. Or he could have separation anxiety?

Most importantly, find out from your boy and his teacher why he refuse to go, and how he is doing when he is in class. My son have a personal experience of the teacher scolding the kids in the chinese class till they are terrified of going to school. Another teacher had loads of complaints from parents for having bad attitude towards the nursery kids too. Apparently she has personal problems and been yelling at kids.

Also find out how other parents feedback too. My little girl (in N2) recently don't wanna go to school and cited reasons like she is tired or teacher scolded her 'friend' for dreaming. But I let her off for a day and brought her out shopping. She promised tomorrow she will go to school :)

Consider speaking to the teacher and principal. If after 1 - 2 mths, your kid is still not settled down, and still have no idea of the root cause, pull him out of the school. No point paying for fees when your kid is not happy there.

Good Luck!

Fettuccine
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Re: Uncontrollable Child

Postby ChiefKiasu » Thu Jul 17, 2008 10:53 pm

One trick which I learnt from my friend whom I think is a great daddy is the "naughty corner". If the kid is naughty, put him/her to face the wall and make him/her stay there. Ignore the crying and screaming. Just make sure they stay there until the sulking stops. Do this once or twice and the child will learn the concept: naughty = naughty corner.

Next time, just say "naughty corner" and the naughty behavior will magically stop. It generally works pretty well with my daughter :). No need to slap or scream.

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Re: Uncontrollable Child

Postby ZacK » Thu Jul 17, 2008 11:41 pm

ChiefKiasu wrote:One trick which I learnt from my friend whom I think is a great daddy is the "naughty corner". If the kid is naughty, put him/her to face the wall and make him/her stay there. Ignore the crying and screaming. Just make sure they stay there until the sulking stops. Do this once or twice and the child will learn the concept: naughty = naughty corner.

Next time, just say "naughty corner" and the naughty behavior will magically stop. It generally works pretty well with my daughter :). No need to slap or scream.


Mine is the cane and it works fine ... My son can throw into tantrums that you would have thought that he has lost all senses :roll: ... Anyway... I'll start with a warning and if he still does not heed... Then the cane comes in... Usually a whip on the bum is all it takes 8) ... Of cos after the caning when he has come to his senses... Must be followed by a hug and kiss :D

I know some parents are against caning or corporal punishment... But I'd rather rein them in now when they are young and teachable than for them to grow up out-of-hand.

I have read some other forums where they complain that their child just would not listen etc... I feel that parents cannot adopt the attitude that everything is ok and nothing will happen... For me, from the time my son knows how to walk...
1. He knows that the kitchen is out of bounds and he has never ventured into the kitchen with or without our presence.
2. Whenever he is in the car, he needs to be belted up in his car seat and seat belt cannot be released until the car is parked properly.

To date, I have not encountered problems in these two areas. I cannot reconcile the fact that I still see parents belted up driving and the kids are happily jumping about in the back seat unbelted :shock: In my opinion just waiting for a bad accident to happen :?

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Postby jedamum » Fri Jul 18, 2008 12:12 am

I guess the title 'uncontrollable child' does not do the kid any justice when the situation cited merely refers to the difficulty to get the kid settled into a school setting. My personal view is that categorising the kid as being naughty (and henceforth exercise the naughty corner or cane) when he/she is just going through a stage of adjustment is uncalled for.

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Postby ZacK » Fri Jul 18, 2008 12:22 am

jedamum wrote:I guess the title 'uncontrollable child' does not do the kid any justice when the situation cited merely refers to the difficulty to get the kid settled into a school setting. My personal view is that categorising the kid as being naughty (and henceforth exercise the naughty corner or cane) when he/she is just going through a stage of adjustment is uncalled for.


Haha yes of cos... The naughty corner or cane would only be used in the appropriate situations... Dun think we have any sadistic parents here since we treat them as precious little gems ;)

ZacK
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Re: How To Manage a Child Who Refuse to go to School

Postby ChiefKiasu » Fri Jul 18, 2008 12:27 am

Good point jedamum! I have renamed the title to:
"How To Manage a Child Who Refuse to go to School"

My earlier note is to simply discourage ourselves from using physical force on children and to use creative ways to enforce discipline. Nothing to do with getting a child to go to school.

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Postby chixchix » Fri Jul 18, 2008 11:55 am

thanks for the feedbacks... he has been going to school to 1 year now with my last maid..i got a new maid about 2 months ago..they do play with her..when my DH is not at home ..there is no problem ..he goes to school.. but when DH is at home.. he simply doesnt want to listen..and when he cries...he cries like someone has tortured him...uncontrollably for 10-15 mins..

My DH doesnt advise him to go to school ..he is like " dont disturb my morning sleep..if he doesnt want to go..its ok"

chixchix
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Postby mintcc » Fri Jul 18, 2008 2:41 pm

hmmm is there some change in school? New teacher? New classroom? He doesn't like the teacher? It happens to my nephew. Settle down in school already by the teacher and class room change and the new teacher very bo chap him. Has been crying whenever he needs to go school for a few weeks now. So may be you can go to school with him and see what it is like in the childcare. May need to consider changing childcare.

Anyway, cannot let them get their way by crying. If they cry = no need to go school or eat medicine ... then the next time they will know that they won't have to do something as they cry lor. So for the next few times have to make him go even if he cries....

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