Help!!! 3.5 yr old different behaviour in school

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Help!!! 3.5 yr old different behaviour in school

Postby mershel13 » Tue Jul 23, 2013 11:02 pm

Dear fellow parents, my daughter is 3.5 years old n has been attending Nursery 2 since the start of this year. At home, she is extremely talkative n active. She has a great sense of humour and can speak very fluently. She has no problems with numbers, phonics n expressing her thoughts etc. However, in school, she is a totally different person!! Whenever she is in school, her body will be stiff, facial expression will be very serious and refuses to utter a single word even if her teacher keeps talking to her. She just refuses to open her mouth. Teacher commented that she can understand n follow instructions. The only problem is she doesn't talk to anyone at all in school! As such, the teachers cannot assess her learning in terms of numeracy n language skills. They indicated in her progress report that she couldnt do many of the skills listed there but in actual fact, she is way beyond that level. Any one here have the same problem or can advise me how to help her? Sent her for assessment early this year but psychologist reported that she has no problem or learning difficulties. Only needs time to socialize/interact with her peers. Up till now, still not showing any signs of improvement in terms of socializing with her friends n teachers in school. Pls help!!!

mershel13
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Re: Help!!!

Postby Geraldinelim » Wed Jul 24, 2013 12:15 am

mershel13 wrote:Dear fellow parents, my daughter is 3.5 years old n has been attending Nursery 2 since the start of this year. At home, she is extremely talkative n active. She has a great sense of humour and can speak very fluently. She has no problems with numbers, phonics n expressing her thoughts etc. However, in school, she is a totally different person!! Whenever she is in school, her body will be stiff, facial expression will be very serious and refuses to utter a single word even if her teacher keeps talking to her. She just refuses to open her mouth. Teacher commented that she can understand n follow instructions. The only problem is she doesn't talk to anyone at all in school! As such, the teachers cannot assess her learning in terms of numeracy n language skills. They indicated in her progress report that she couldnt do many of the skills listed there but in actual fact, she is way beyond that level. Any one here have the same problem or can advise me how to help her? Sent her for assessment early this year but psychologist reported that she has no problem or learning difficulties. Only needs time to socialize/interact with her peers. Up till now, still not showing any signs of improvement in terms of socializing with her friends n teachers in school. Pls help!!!


Poor girl. Perhaps she just need more time to warm up. Maybe something happened in school?

Did you try to ask her?
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Re: Help!!!

Postby ammonite » Wed Jul 24, 2013 6:17 pm

You said she is 'way beyond that level'. Do you think she is on par, or very much advanced compared to her peers? The fit may be wrong. At 3.5, the environment must fit the child, not the other way round. It is possible that when your child tries to speak to other children, they do not understand and move away from her, making her feel like a misfit. If she is self conscious, a teacher commenting on her good speech may make her feel embarrassed or a teacher speaking to her in baby tones may make her feel like she is an idiot.

I am just throwing up possibilities for you to consider. Some children will dumb down to fit in, others will shine, others will act up. A few will simply shu down. These are all different coping mechanisms. You can talk to the teachers to find out how they interact with her or talk to her. You can also use your handphone to video her normal self at home to make the teachers understand your concerns. You can also bring her around to a few more schools and see what she feels comfortable with.

If it is social anxiety, a good fit will also help. In addition, do role play with her for key situations in school.

ammonite
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Re: Help!!!

Postby Funz » Wed Jul 24, 2013 6:40 pm

What about when she is in a social setting out of school and home? Does she respond to other adults aside from family members? Does she socialise with other children of similar age aside from siblings and cousins if any?

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Re: Help!!!

Postby sleepy » Wed Jul 24, 2013 8:02 pm

Besides nursery, has she attended other enrichment classes? Is it the same response in other classes?
You may want to consider withdrawing her from daily nursery and homeschool her for a while. Wait till she's slightly older before sending her to kindy. Meantime you can consider supplementing her learning with weekly enrichment classes so that it is less daunting (weekly vs daily) for her in a group setting.


My dd used to be an introvert around that age too. Especially in an unfamiliar or new environment, she would bow her head and refuse to utter a word, won't response even when someone spoke to her. I was deeply concerned too.

I just keep sending her to whatever ad hoc programmes where she gets to meet new people each time rather than stick to regular classes. And keep encouraging her, asking her how many 'new' friends she made in that class. Even if she said she spoke to 1 person, I'm happy that she took the initiative to open herself up. Along the way, I managed to persuade her to attend speech & drama class (which she obviously didn't enjoy but she humour me la). She didn't attend nursery, only sent her to Kumon as it allowed her to progress at her (fast) pace.

When she's slightly more ready, I enrolled her for k1 and encourage her to initiate contact and talk to as many new friends as possible, don't just stick to her one or two friends comfort zone. With daily contact & interaction, kids gradually realised my dd is helpful and willing to share her knowledge and start inviting her into their little circles. And she slowly draws herself out from her introvert shell and is able to make new friends more easily. It wasn't an easy journey during those years while she struggled to break away from her introvert nature.

Although I won't say she's an extrovert, she's no longer timid or shy. Took many many years to finally see some concrete result. At least now she dares to speak her mind when required & is willing to give presentation as long as she's sufficiently prepared.

sleepy
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Re: Help!!!

Postby Green_white » Fri Jul 26, 2013 1:29 am

give your girl more time. perhaps she takes longer to warm up.

Be encouraging and show more concern. Love works wonders :)

Green_white
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Re: Help!!! 3.5 yr old different behaviour in school

Postby quixation » Fri Jul 26, 2013 10:02 am

I agree that the school may not be suitable for her..

I used to put my girl at a top montessori preschool but she just didnt like going to school and didnt interact with others as well.
After much struggle, as we waited 1 year for a space in that school, we withdrew her. Then instead of me bringing her to see another school nearer to our house, i ask my helper/her nanny to bring her and she spent 1 whole day at that school. she loves this school till now...and her progress was way beyond my expectations.

Anyhow, bring her out for more ad-hoc activities even to the playground to see other children playing..maybe she also needs more time to warm up so be ready to let her play for a little longer. Mayb make it a routine to bring her down at a certain time when there a a few children who are always there , say evening after dinner time..Also you can set example to start talking to the other children and parents.. this may help ensure your child its safe and ok to interact.

Most importantly, dont push her if she keeps quiet, just act normal and start interaction with the other kids yourself. Tell you child you believe she can do it and try boosting her confidence level...

Good luck ! Dont worry, she is fine.. :rahrah:

quixation
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