How to work with insolent children

Parental influence on children in the first 12 years of their lives have a permanent effect. Unfortunately, children come with no user manual. Each child is different from the other. Discuss how to handle emotional and educational needs of your child here.

How to work with insolent children

Postby IT » Fri Oct 16, 2009 11:39 am

Original Title: How to handle a back-talking kid?

Hi

My boy is now 9yo and I notice that he back-talk a lot these days. He wasn't like that last time. Sometimes, he was even louder than us. Some ppl say that's part of growing up, especiall for boys. Is that true? How to overcome that? Pls... I need advice :idea:

IT
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Re: How to handle a back-talking kid?

Postby Mama Leong » Fri Oct 16, 2009 1:35 pm

I noticed that after kids started to go to school liao they will automatic learn how to talk back, argue with u, or say words like wa lao, ta ma de etc...
We nvr speak this way at home so whenever he talk back or speak vulgarly, I will STARE at him fiercely.

hahaha....

Mama Leong
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Postby schellen » Fri Oct 16, 2009 1:46 pm

I agree with Mama Leong. Our DD started doing this especially when she started P1 this year. DH and I warned her strictly that we do not accept such behaviour at home. We told her that among her friends, it may not be considered rude since they may be a bit too casual with their tone but with elders and people in authority, it is. We constantly reminded her of how well-behaved she was back then and how we preferred the "old" her. We also helped by rephrasing her sentences at first, then giving her chances to rephrase them subsequently. Eventually, she got it and such incidents are few now. If they do occur, we express our displeasure and she will apologise and try again.

schellen
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Postby smurf » Fri Oct 16, 2009 2:16 pm

my 5 yr old boy already doing that. when we say 'NO' something he will ask back LOUDLY, ' WHY?' and sometimes, he will make faces and talk back. and then, he will ask ' why you can i cannot??' in a LOUD and want-to-challenge tone.
:stupid:

but when we explain why, very often he will 'arm cheow' (secretly smile behind) :?

smurf
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Postby daisyt » Fri Oct 16, 2009 4:10 pm

Actually, I also miss my dd's "old" her. Nowadays (she is 13), she would talk back for almost everything till I flare up and make my command, straight to the point, JUST DO IT, then she would stop. I do get a bit tired of all these she talks back, I explain, she talks back, I explain ..... But what to do, she was being trained up to speak up and ask, by nobody else than ME. :(

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Postby sashimi » Sat Oct 17, 2009 1:04 pm

I believe that at some point, you must stop reasoning and simply order the child to follow your instructions. Accept no reasoning.

STOP EXPLAINING to the child. The child does not know what's good for him. Accept this old traditionalist view and move on.

If you continue to reason and explain, your child will learn that reasoning and talking is means of getting his way. I no longer subscribe to this western method of raising kids.

Once your child crosses the line, STOP EXPLAINING and ORDER the kid to follow your instructions WITHOUT QUESTION.

Later on, esp. during a time when everything is peaceful, take your kid aside and explain to him why you ordered.

The best time to explain is when no argument is taking place. Not the other way around.

sashimi
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Postby david59 » Sat Oct 17, 2009 3:57 pm

smurf wrote:my 5 yr old boy already doing that. when we say 'NO' something he will ask back LOUDLY, ' WHY?' and sometimes, he will make faces and talk back. and then, he will ask ' why you can i cannot??' in a LOUD and want-to-challenge tone.
:stupid:

but when we explain why, very often he will 'arm cheow' (secretly smile behind) :?


I can truly understand how exasperate some of you parents feel. Afterall I have had quite a bit of experience with my two girls or shall I say 'ladies' who are now 21 and 17.

Instilling discipline and responsibility start right from the day the cute little baby comes into this world. He is like a sponge absorbing everything he sees and learn, good and bad; esp. the bad ones. Thus more guidance and control are needed to instill good habits in the little fellow. Otherwise, the cute little kid will turn into a cute little devil.

What is habit? It is the little bits here and a little bits there that the little fellow picks up that eventually become Habits ( I also call it Have bits).
If this is not instill in the child when he was younger, the harder it will be to try and get the child to listen and obey you when he grows older.
My wife and I have learnt sometimes through the hard ways that the older the child gets the more we need to give them freedom to make their own decisions, do their own things or reason things with us.
In this way, there will be more harmony and understanding for one another in the home.

So, start your kid from young in the right way. :celebrate:

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Postby schellen » Sat Oct 17, 2009 6:34 pm

david59 wrote:Instilling discipline and responsibility start right from the day the cute little baby comes into this world. He is like a sponge absorbing everything he sees and learn, good and bad; esp. the bad ones. Thus more guidance and control are needed to instill good habits in the little fellow. Otherwise, the cute little kid will turn into a cute little devil.


I agree with this. I started from day one but DH (sashimi) said I was hard-hearted. When DD1 was about 2, he felt the repercussions. Luckily, she was still 2 and to "change" her was still easier than, say, at 5. DH persisted and succeeded. When DD2 comes by later on, I'm sure we'll have no problem being firm with her from day one now.

schellen
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Postby smurf » Sat Oct 17, 2009 11:01 pm

sashimi wrote:I believe that at some point, you must stop reasoning and simply order the child to follow your instructions. Accept no reasoning.

STOP EXPLAINING to the child. The child does not know what's good for him. Accept this old traditionalist view and move on.

If you continue to reason and explain, your child will learn that reasoning and talking is means of getting his way. I no longer subscribe to this western method of raising kids.

Once your child crosses the line, STOP EXPLAINING and ORDER the kid to follow your instructions WITHOUT QUESTION.

Later on, esp. during a time when everything is peaceful, take your kid aside and explain to him why you ordered.

The best time to explain is when no argument is taking place. Not the other way around.


er, actually, I've tried to order him when he was young. but I find that this method doesn't work for us. cos he will order me back! :x and when I dun do what he said, he will ask me, why you can ask me to do, why I cannot?? and nowadays, I tried using explanation instead. takes a lot of time and patience. but works better, although sometimes, still doesn;t work.

and because he is older now, when using ORDERING, need to be very firm and usually he will show me 'black face' and stomp feet. :stupid:

I just ORDER him. but hor, he talked back even more. keeps asking me WHY. ask until I fed up, I just say, 'COS I SAID SO.'

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Postby Andaiz » Mon Oct 19, 2009 4:05 pm

Thanks for the wonderful tips. I've been shouting myself hoarse the weekend coz DD1 was just answering back and defiant.

Sashimi, yes, there'd reach a point when you just have to SAY NO/SO. No point reasoning. I put this down to partly due to my insolent maid who'd be going home in November and doesn't know yet... she gets away because I'm just sick and tired of teaching her the right way.

But with the kids, they are ours and we are trying to teach them right.
Learnt over the weekend (Church sermon) that keeping silent isnt' the way - peaceful mebbe, but NOT right!

So here goes with disciplining!
:celebrate:

Andaiz
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