How to teach a child not to tell lies?

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How to teach a child not to tell lies?

Postby happyfeet3 » Fri Aug 30, 2013 11:00 am

Hi my eight year old always tell lies. Even not so serious problem, she also tells lies like I told her recently to put newspaper on table when cutting paper using penknife, she said she did but actually never. I asked her not to fill water in shower gel when finished , she said she never. I told her tell the truth and don't lie but she keep doing so. She would create a story telling me her friends story which never happen and the story does not give her any advantage at all( I found out and she admitted lying). She will copy the answer from the back and purposely some answer copied wrongly to mske it real done by her. (scary). when i found out, she lied again. I said I won't be angry when I find out she did something wrong but I can't accept people lying. How to teach this kid?
Last edited by happyfeet3 on Fri Aug 30, 2013 11:13 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: How to teach a child not to tell lies?

Postby happyfeet3 » Fri Aug 30, 2013 11:12 am

From soft approach, advice to counseling by myself, to scolding , to recently rattan, she still keep lying for little things. Any advice that work with such kid ? She said sorry and promise to change each time but back to square again.

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Re: How to teach a child not to tell lies?

Postby cherrygal » Mon Sep 02, 2013 1:32 pm

The first 2 incidents seem more like a case of forgetfulness and playfulness. Let it go if it's minor. The answer book copying is slightly more serious. Instead of trying to catch her, I would just remove the answers from the back. Don't tempt her by leaving the answers there. As for the story telling, seems more like she wants to interest you in her day at school. Maybe have more meaningful chats with her?

I would discipline if the kid is lying about money, exam scores etc. Make sure it's really serious before you discipline her. When you ask her about something and she doesn't tell the truth, find evidence then give her one more chance to speak the truth. If she admits it, praise her for her courage to own up and don't scold any more.

Also, you could deprive her of things rather than scold / cane her. Works better.

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Re: How to teach a child not to tell lies?

Postby cherrygal » Mon Sep 02, 2013 1:39 pm

Also, dun use an accusatory tone on her all the time. Eg. for the shower gel incident, you don't need to ask her whether she put water into the container and expect her to own up. You could just tell her, next time the shower gel is finished, please let you know so you can refill it (or she can help to refill it with real gel). Give her some work to do.

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Re: How to teach a child not to tell lies?

Postby happyfeet3 » Mon Sep 02, 2013 4:41 pm

For the first two minor cases, I just told her don't not to fill up water and please put newspaper on table when doing the cutting. I already knew she never did that. I did not ask her whether she did that or not. i never use the angry tone when I told her to do so. But, she immediately said she did that. when I knew she told lies, I got fed up.

The filling water incident happen at least three or four times, so the last time when I knew it, I just told her not to do that and explained to her why. She argued that she never but the shower gel is so diluted. Seems like she is too used to not telling the truth.

As suggested, now I had better use other approach and not to cane her. I can't remember whether to scold her when telling the truth last time. But, when realize that she keep telling lies, I just told them not to do that again and but when I know the truth ( like first two cases) , i scolded her when she did not admit.
Thanks ladies for the advice.

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Re: How to teach a child not to tell lies?

Postby happyfeet3 » Mon Sep 02, 2013 5:41 pm

Hi cherrygal, she used penknife without me knowing it. She used it to do the art and craft from the small thumb magazine. You are right not to let her use penknife because it's dangerous. These two cases is just the examples of her telling lies. There are some other events too. I can change the lifestyle to avoid this but the important thing is how to educate her not to tell lies. I am not willing to change anything to suit her so that she has no chance tell lies. She must tell the truth in all occasions no matter serious or not serious.

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Re: How to teach a child not to tell lies?

Postby cherrygal » Mon Sep 02, 2013 6:06 pm

Agree. She must be truthful in all circumstances. Perhaps you need to retrain her by setting some examples at home. Ask questions to everyone (in front of her) like "who took the last cookie, who finished the milk etc" and have someone else (like DH) own up to the question. Then you must laugh it off and say it's ok and thank him for owning up. Do it in front of her. Good luck!

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Re: How to teach a child not to tell lies?

Postby concern2 » Tue Sep 03, 2013 5:52 pm

When my DD first told lies, I reprimanded her for it. I caught her telling lies again for different things, and I caned her.

One day, somehow, something clicked inside me. I realized that I had never specifically told her that telling lies is wrong. You know when you've read stories like cry wolf to them when they were younger, that you've taught them telling lies is wrong that they would remember. But how wrong could I be. They were too young to tell lies then!

Now that they are older, they make mistakes, and they try to avoid being reprimanded or punished by telling lies. So that day when it 'clicked', I told her how I trusted her, how her lies made me lose trust in her, how eventually people would not believe her even if she was telling the truth. - Yes, explaining the story of cry wolf, but now in the real context. It became a teaching moment.

Many things that kids do have to be taught, and telling lies is not acceptable also needs to be taught. Some kids like DS doesn't tell lies at all. He stammers and looks awkward, and out comes the truth. But with DD, she is glib, and the stories get more interesting until you don't suspect anything. But lies being lies, and kids being kids, their stories just got TOO interesting and you know they are lying.

I told her how I felt, and reminded her that there would be consequences. Sure enough, DS started suspecting her when he couldn't find his things, and DD got upset. For a period of time, DD struggled to earn our trust again.

It is still an on-going challenge, not something that DD understood "cannot tell lies, it is wrong", and never did it from then on. No, it didn't happen that way. It took a few instances for her to really learn her lesson about telling lies.

And I am also guilty of over-reacting which slowed down the learning curve. Both of us were learning together. The last time which I started raising my voice when I suspected she wasn't telling the truth again, DH came to my rescue - or rather, our rescue.

He took over and used the soft approach and eventually got her to admit and say sorry to me. I hugged her and explained that I wouldn't have been so angry if she told me the truth right from the beginning. Since those few episodes, her behaviour in this aspect has improved. From her perspective, I suppose she was also beginning to trust that I wouldn't get hysterical over the mistakes that she make.

Hope this helps.

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Re: How to teach a child not to tell lies?

Postby icy_mama » Tue Sep 03, 2013 7:41 pm

concern2 wrote:When my DD first told lies, I reprimanded her for it. I caught her telling lies again for different things, and I caned her.

One day, somehow, something clicked inside me. I realized that I had never specifically told her that telling lies is wrong. You know when you've read stories like cry wolf to them when they were younger, that you've taught them telling lies is wrong that they would remember. But how wrong could I be. They were too young to tell lies then!

Now that they are older, they make mistakes, and they try to avoid being reprimanded or punished by telling lies. So that day when it 'clicked', I told her how I trusted her, how her lies made me lose trust in her, how eventually people would not believe her even if she was telling the truth. - Yes, explaining the story of cry wolf, but now in the real context. It became a teaching moment.

Many things that kids do have to be taught, and telling lies is not acceptable also needs to be taught. Some kids like DS doesn't tell lies at all. He stammers and looks awkward, and out comes the truth. But with DD, she is glib, and the stories get more interesting until you don't suspect anything. But lies being lies, and kids being kids, their stories just got TOO interesting and you know they are lying.

I told her how I felt, and reminded her that there would be consequences. Sure enough, DS started suspecting her when he couldn't find his things, and DD got upset. For a period of time, DD struggled to earn our trust again.

It is still an on-going challenge, not something that DD understood "cannot tell lies, it is wrong", and never did it from then on. No, it didn't happen that way. It took a few instances for her to really learn her lesson about telling lies.

And I am also guilty of over-reacting which slowed down the learning curve. Both of us were learning together. The last time which I started raising my voice when I suspected she wasn't telling the truth again, DH came to my rescue.

He took over and used the soft approach and eventually got her to admit and say sorry to me. I hugged her and explained that I wouldn't have been so angry if she told me the truth right from the beginning. Since those few episodes, her behaviour in this aspect has improved. From her perspective, I suppose she was also beginning to trust that I wouldn't get hysterical over the mistakes that she make.

Hope this helps.


:goodpost:

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Re: How to teach a child not to tell lies?

Postby happyfeet3 » Wed Sep 04, 2013 2:57 pm

Hi concern2, your experience is same as what I am facing now. My ds now accused his sister stole his money from piggy bank. There is no trust at all at home now. I will try to use your approach to rescue the situation. It's quite hard to earn back the trust, once we forgive and try to trust her , she lies again. Is it some kids prone to tell lies, I wonder?! Does your girl lying habit stop now? How long does if take to rectify the problem?

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