The terrible feeling when expecting number 2

Parental influence on children in the first 12 years of their lives have a permanent effect. Unfortunately, children come with no user manual. Each child is different from the other. Discuss how to handle emotional and educational needs of your child here.

The terrible feeling when expecting number 2

Postby miereddy » Fri Sep 20, 2013 10:07 am

Now my 2nd son is due in Mar next year and my older son is 20 months. But everyday I just have the guilty feeling that I might have to take some of the attention away from him for the 2nd one. This guilty feeling is so heartbroken and bothered me a lot everyday. I'm worrying that I might be in a post natal depression. Any parents have similar thoughts and can share how you handle more than one kids to ensure the balance?

miereddy
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Re: The terrible feeling when expecting number 2

Postby slmkhoo » Fri Sep 20, 2013 10:30 am

It's not a zero-sum game. Don't look at your 2nd child as taking away from your first, but adding to the total amount of love and interaction within the family. Even though the initial adjustment to a sibling can seem painful, if well-handled, the older child benefits greatly by being given opportunities to be more independent, to feel bigger and stronger and more able, to have the love and interaction with a sibling (this may take a few months until the younger one sleeps and eats less!), to learn to share etc. Too much attention on a single child is actually not always the best in the long run as they can get spoiled and dependent.

slmkhoo
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Re: The terrible feeling when expecting number 2

Postby miereddy » Fri Sep 20, 2013 2:38 pm

Thanks :) Because I myself am a single child and my husband is the oldest one among the 3. I can see the difference between us and I'm not so well trained to learn to share compare with him. Guess you are right, let him to be independent and sometimes taken less attention is good for him in the long run.

miereddy
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Re: The terrible feeling when expecting number 2

Postby icy_mama » Fri Sep 20, 2013 3:29 pm

miereddy, enjoy your special time with #1, at the same time enjoy your pregnancy. you'll realise that your heart will always be big enough for 2 or even 3 in time to come. :wink:

take care! :hugs:

icy_mama
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Re: The terrible feeling when expecting number 2

Postby slmkhoo » Fri Sep 20, 2013 4:12 pm

miereddy wrote:Thanks :) Because I myself am a single child and my husband is the oldest one among the 3. I can see the difference between us and I'm not so well trained to learn to share compare with him. Guess you are right, let him to be independent and sometimes taken less attention is good for him in the long run.

Don't let your older child sense that you think he's getting a raw deal even if you secretly think so. Involve him as much as you can (he can fetch and carry, sing to the baby, 'watch' the baby etc), then you can praise him for being helpful. Tell him he was once like the baby and now is so much more able, and ask him to set a good example. But also remember he still needs a lot of cuddling and one-on-one time with you, and don't worry about letting the baby wait a few minutes while you finish a story or a game with your older one.

slmkhoo
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