"Is dying an option" 13 yrs son SMS teacher

Parental influence on children in the first 12 years of their lives have a permanent effect. Unfortunately, children come with no user manual. Each child is different from the other. Discuss how to handle emotional and educational needs of your child here.

"Is dying an option" 13 yrs son SMS teacher

Postby clk » Sat Sep 21, 2013 1:08 pm

I received a called fr form teacher said my son SMS him and asked is die a gd option,I was shock n asked teacher what had happened in sch that day. She said my son used vulgar word on her, so caught to general office. I never asked more as I very worried and put down the phone called my son immediately. To stop him fr having such action, I reminded him what he told me 2 days ago, which he said the 11 yrs boy choose to die was stupid, so I told him don't think of that, everyone make mistake but must learn to face his own mistake and don't do it again. I will discuss with him tonight after work. While talking with him, form teacher called but I never pick up till I completed conversation with him then I return her call. This round she told me sch had decided to punish my son with deduct 11 points plus a cane, but not hall cane. I was very angry n told her off as no warning, straight to cane. She said my son spoken few times among themselves but not to teacher, so not being punished, now was to her so caught him. I commented that since she knew it why never told the parents, she was speechless n replied to let discipline master to call me. I called my elder son who just reached Hm to observe his bro. Discipline master called n explained few pupils in class heard n my son admitted so is a fact that he speak so is necessary to be cane. To me mistake had done can't erase, I wanted him to promise must take care on his emotional as now he is unstable, and asked master to call my son explain to him since they are close. But I was confused as I don't heard any vulgar words fr him, n he is a cheerful kid what make him do all these?When I get his story was form teacher insisted him to shift back to his original seat which he had informed another form teacher that he have sensitive nose can't sit at original place. He was angry so packed his thing turn around and mumbled "..." Teacher question him n said she heard, wanted him to said out if not will report him, then she said i give u last chance u better own up, then he admitted he said, then she shout out loud to whole class said you see he speak that and reported to be rudeness to teacher n speak vulgar language. He was confused as he said she said give last chance but still reported him... His SMS to her was my mother was called, I know it's my fault, now am ganna scolded badly, I wonder if dying is an option. Honesty is useless. Teacher replied which made me very angry...what make you think dying is an gd option? Then never call or SMS after that. We went to school next day, not because I wanted to get Rick of the caning, is requested the sch to see more details n to let us know what had make a 13 yrs old kid think of dying? Why a not violent kid need speak this language just only asked to shift seat? My son is naughty type but to that extend, and he is dyslexic kid, so their thinking are different. That really worry me....Can anyone out there give some suggestion? Now sch will cane him after exam....
I asked my son why he sms such words to teacher, he said he felt teacher giving up on him. I even found out few incidents that make him felt that teacher dislike him. Once his bro encourage him try to be a leader, so he apply by filling in a form which need all his subject teachers to sign on it. The reason he put in is he may not qualify to be 1 leader but he hope he can try. All teacher sign accept his form teacher said" what? You can't because you had a blue form" she never sign. He asked another form teacher n that one sign and told my son she will try to help him....I know my son not very good good boy, but he deserve a chance, right? Why teacher can depress kids like that? I was very worry now. Teacher in front of us said my son scold her direct, but my son told us turn around n mumble, I know said mean said but to us if the teacher lie... Then what's that means? Now I am not interested with whether he said that, is what make him behave so different! Is the teacher pushing him to much to a corner? She received a SMS like that never even concern or care to find out n make sure his emotional ok, she just called me, that's it... Discipline master called my son few times n he never answer yet he can just went Hm without even called to parents.... I felt really very irresponsible for the whole issue... I had few sleepless night....I am going to have a operation this coming Friday... This matter really trouble me a lot... I did write in to school n they promised will investigate. But will that help my son? I have doubt on them....please advise!

clk
OrangeBelt
OrangeBelt
 
Posts: 49
Joined: Sat Mar 05, 2011 6:07 pm
Total Likes: 0


Re: "Is dying an option" 13 yrs son SMS teacher

Postby miracle72 » Sat Sep 21, 2013 4:47 pm

I think u should sit down with ur son n talk to him heart to heart. Then march to the sch n discuss with the DM, teacher n principal... Is caning the best option for ur son now? Especially ur son emotion r not stable. U can argue with them, 13 y/o may not understand the whole situation n it will only worst the matter if caning is involve... Hope tat help.

miracle72
YellowBelt
YellowBelt
 
Posts: 14
Joined: Tue Dec 28, 2010 9:12 am
Total Likes: 0


Re: "Is dying an option" 13 yrs son SMS teacher

Postby fanren » Sat Sep 21, 2013 5:44 pm

Hmm this is a serious case so I think you might want to go to the school to meet the principal and discuss this matter. But not sure is it easy to meet the principal or not.Stress on the unstable emotion thing they might thread this matter more carefully. But do understand the purpose of caning is deterrence, so that the rest will not do it.

take care.

fanren
BlueBelt
BlueBelt
 
Posts: 247
Joined: Tue Nov 10, 2009 11:32 am
Total Likes: 9


Re: "Is dying an option" 13 yrs son SMS teacher

Postby vinegar » Sat Sep 21, 2013 7:18 pm

i agree wf fanren. It's beta to discuss wf principal n highlight ur concern to him.If possible, ask for trf of class.

vinegar
KiasuGrandMaster
KiasuGrandMaster
 
Posts: 1521
Joined: Mon Jan 14, 2013 8:28 am
Total Likes: 2


Re: "Is dying an option" 13 yrs son SMS teacher

Postby TTBCOOL » Sun Sep 22, 2013 12:36 pm

Hi CLK, I think every child is good by nature. It is the process they went through that dictates the path they go to . Hence, I think that you should really have a heart to heart talk with your son. You must let him know that you are trying to help him and asked him actually what had happened on that day or what caused him to behave badly. Please emphasize the point that you are trying to help him and in order to help him, you must know the truth first before seeing the principal. Actually, sometimes I pity our children. They are at the mercy of their teachers. If they are lucky, they get very good and nice form teachers. If they are unlucky, their life will be miserable. I'm very surprised that his teacher only thinks of punishing him and ignoring his msg which is more critical at that point of time. Sigh........ MOE should include counselling or child psychology as part of NIE course. Hope everything will turn out fine for your son.

TTBCOOL
GreenBelt
GreenBelt
 
Posts: 189
Joined: Sat Aug 25, 2012 4:52 pm
Total Likes: 1



Re: "Is dying an option" 13 yrs son SMS teacher

Postby alng » Sun Sep 22, 2013 1:07 pm

clk,

If I were you, I will go to the school and talk to the P and not correspond via emails with them. I will put a stop to the cane and ask for warning instead.

I really do not think this case warrants a canning. Seriously, which kids do not know or use vulgar words now? It is a matter of if those vulgar words become part of their daily vocabulary. This is probably the reason why the teachers know that the students have been using vulgarity but never stop them. I guess what the teacher is angry is not so much on the use of vulgarity but the disrespect shown to him/her. So asking your son to apologise is a must.

Your son is 13 years old. My friend's son has a similar case as your son but her son is only 8 years old.

alng
KiasuGrandMaster
KiasuGrandMaster
 
Posts: 2185
Joined: Fri Jun 11, 2010 7:27 pm
Total Likes: 36


Re: "Is dying an option" 13 yrs son SMS teacher

Postby sembgal » Sun Sep 22, 2013 1:39 pm

clk wrote:I received a called fr form teacher said my son SMS him and asked is die a gd option,I was shock n asked teacher what had happened in sch that day. She said my son used vulgar word on her, so caught to general office. I never asked more as I very worried and put down the phone called my son immediately. To stop him fr having such action, I reminded him what he told me 2 days ago, which he said the 11 yrs boy choose to die was stupid, so I told him don't think of that, everyone make mistake but must learn to face his own mistake and don't do it again. I will discuss with him tonight after work. While talking with him, form teacher called but I never pick up till I completed conversation with him then I return her call. This round she told me sch had decided to punish my son with deduct 11 points plus a cane, but not hall cane. I was very angry n told her off as no warning, straight to cane. She said my son spoken few times among themselves but not to teacher, so not being punished, now was to her so caught him. I commented that since she knew it why never told the parents, she was speechless n replied to let discipline master to call me. I called my elder son who just reached Hm to observe his bro. Discipline master called n explained few pupils in class heard n my son admitted so is a fact that he speak so is necessary to be cane. To me mistake had done can't erase, I wanted him to promise must take care on his emotional as now he is unstable, and asked master to call my son explain to him since they are close. But I was confused as I don't heard any vulgar words fr him, n he is a cheerful kid what make him do all these?When I get his story was form teacher insisted him to shift back to his original seat which he had informed another form teacher that he have sensitive nose can't sit at original place. He was angry so packed his thing turn around and mumbled "..." Teacher question him n said she heard, wanted him to said out if not will report him, then she said i give u last chance u better own up, then he admitted he said, then she shout out loud to whole class said you see he speak that and reported to be rudeness to teacher n speak vulgar language. He was confused as he said she said give last chance but still reported him... His SMS to her was my mother was called, I know it's my fault, now am ganna scolded badly, I wonder if dying is an option. Honesty is useless. Teacher replied which made me very angry...what make you think dying is an gd option? Then never call or SMS after that. We went to school next day, not because I wanted to get Rick of the caning, is requested the sch to see more details n to let us know what had make a 13 yrs old kid think of dying? Why a not violent kid need speak this language just only asked to shift seat? My son is naughty type but to that extend, and he is dyslexic kid, so their thinking are different. That really worry me....Can anyone out there give some suggestion? Now sch will cane him after exam....
I asked my son why he sms such words to teacher, he said he felt teacher giving up on him. I even found out few incidents that make him felt that teacher dislike him. Once his bro encourage him try to be a leader, so he apply by filling in a form which need all his subject teachers to sign on it. The reason he put in is he may not qualify to be 1 leader but he hope he can try. All teacher sign accept his form teacher said" what? You can't because you had a blue form" she never sign. He asked another form teacher n that one sign and told my son she will try to help him....I know my son not very good good boy, but he deserve a chance, right? Why teacher can depress kids like that? I was very worry now. Teacher in front of us said my son scold her direct, but my son told us turn around n mumble, I know said mean said but to us if the teacher lie... Then what's that means? Now I am not interested with whether he said that, is what make him behave so different! Is the teacher pushing him to much to a corner? She received a SMS like that never even concern or care to find out n make sure his emotional ok, she just called me, that's it... Discipline master called my son few times n he never answer yet he can just went Hm without even called to parents.... I felt really very irresponsible for the whole issue... I had few sleepless night....I am going to have a operation this coming Friday... This matter really trouble me a lot... I did write in to school n they promised will investigate. But will that help my son? I have doubt on them....please advise!

Hi, I believe the school teachers will not call you to complain about your child every single day. The problem exists long time ago and you are probably in the denial stage. There are 2 types of parents-defensive parents or receptive parents. Defensive parents are the most difficult to work with and you seem to belong to this category. It will be wiser to change to be receptive parents instead as you can work with the teachers to further help your child. You love your child and would like to help your child.

You must keep cool and talk to your child to understand what actually happened in school. Set an appointment to meet up with the principal and the form teacher together and discuss over the matter without the presence of your son. Only the parents and the principal & form teacher are to be present. If you are willing to compromise and work with the school, I believe the teachers will understand you from your stand and help your son to turn over a new leaf. Using vulgar language is totally unacceptable and children have to be educated in this.

Your son feels helpless, thus, SMS to his teacher such comments. I would advise you to spend real quality time with your child to talk to him every evening.

Keep cool and continue to be a great mother to your child.

sembgal
KiasuGrandMaster
KiasuGrandMaster
 
Posts: 2941
Joined: Tue Apr 28, 2009 11:36 pm
Total Likes: 39


Re: "Is dying an option" 13 yrs son SMS teacher

Postby vinegar » Sun Sep 22, 2013 5:46 pm

alng wrote:clk,

If I were you, I will go to the school and talk to the P and not correspond via emails with them. I will put a stop to the cane and ask for warning instead.

I really do not think this case warrants a canning. Seriously, which kids do not know or use vulgar words now? It is a matter of if those vulgar words become part of their daily vocabulary. This is probably the reason why the teachers know that the students have been using vulgarity but never stop them. I guess what the teacher is angry is not so much on the use of vulgarity but the disrespect shown to him/her. So asking your son to apologise is a must.

Your son is 13 years old. My friend's son has a similar case as your son but her son is only 8 years old.


agree....I am not sure for other schools, for my son's school,such case will be handled by discipline teacher n principal.

my son told me his classmates scolded the f word when he was P2.

vinegar
KiasuGrandMaster
KiasuGrandMaster
 
Posts: 1521
Joined: Mon Jan 14, 2013 8:28 am
Total Likes: 2


Re: "Is dying an option" 13 yrs son SMS teacher

Postby Nebbermind » Sun Sep 22, 2013 6:18 pm

Cannot rule out a smart boy on psychological warfare if he already think suicide is stoopid

Nebbermind
KiasuGrandMaster
KiasuGrandMaster
 
Posts: 14653
Joined: Tue Dec 22, 2009 11:40 am
Total Likes: 148


Re: "Is dying an option" 13 yrs son SMS teacher

Postby clk » Sun Sep 22, 2013 9:51 pm

Thank you for all the advised given.... Both husband n me went down to school the next day...having a long discussion w the teacher n discipline masters, at that time I just hope to get more informations n need sch can help to input us on behaviors of my kid in sch...I also emphasize that need to take care on his emotional as I think must have something pressure n push him to a corner. Of cos I checked on his close friends n their parents what had happened recently...the most important thing is to have heart to heart talk to him....he is a dyslexic kid, he had problem to express his feeling in words... All the while he is a happy go lucky child, he will not angry with anyone for long time. But this time when my dd asked him is the teacher and him had problems, he cried... I tried to talked to him slowly, to me actually if teacher asked him to shift place, really not a great deal, that will not make him angry till need to speak bad words which he don't use it at all...to speak vulgar words need to get punished which I agreed n respect that, but what I need to know is what make him do that? I know my son character, he is naughty but not to that extend....while I talked to him, I need to deep in, he can't remember but he just strongly know that this teacher"hate" him...he use this word...I was sad...he told me few incident like he tried to apply to become a leader, all the teachers of his encaurage him when he told them the reason is he know he can't be one but he hope to try! But when he ask this form teacher to sign for him, she said" what"?? U get 'blue form' u can't be one....he was very very sad, but he still work hard by giving another form teacher n this one told him, she will try to help him...he told me 2 teachers behave totally opposite, so he felt that first form teacher dislike him. Another incident was there have a group of classmates passed paper writing vulgar words, he was not one of them, when teacher cought them, my son is sitting in his own seat, but this form teacher insisted he as one of them, pulled him out n get punished together. He was very angry...from the story that he told me, I do think this time really not so simple...the teacher said my son scolded her on the face but my son insisted he packed n turn n mumble to himself...these also make me very upsad, if my son is right mean this teacher lie... From all these, I don't know what to do as my son now only sec 1 still have 3 more years to go... How if teacher have favoritism...sch always said they don't practice that, but we are human, ok? Another thing that worried me was, when my son sent that SMS at that moment, he felt teacher giving up on him, he mentioned honesty is useless, because teacher said last chance to own up, he own up yet she reportted to head. He was confused n furious, teacher give up n betray him... Lucky this round he had friends with him while walking home, if not I really can't imagine what will happen to him. I am not unreasonable mother I do agreed that he make mistake, to get punishment is a must, but after found out story behind, I do not agreed with caning, as when punished a kid we must know the objective n what is the point, this time I think caning is not meeting the result that what supposed to have but this may lead to a bad emotional to my son...that's why I tried to discuss with sch. And also must warn them as kids sent SMS like that, they should not just leave it or reply that way....now I still observed my son closely, his dyslexic teacher did mentioned that sometimes they don't know how to express themselves n they need a lot of encourage. He is a cheerful boy, hope this incident will not affect his future character. Many of my friends said these should raise up to moe... To me I just hope my son to be happy n learn things from sch as same as the rest of teenage....
I always respect sch n teachers but these round I do lost the confident to them... Sch called me go down this few day to discuss, hope they can give me a good solution.

clk
OrangeBelt
OrangeBelt
 
Posts: 49
Joined: Sat Mar 05, 2011 6:07 pm
Total Likes: 0


Next

Return to Working With Your Child