Same sex attraction

Parental influence on children in the first 12 years of their lives have a permanent effect. Unfortunately, children come with no user manual. Each child is different from the other. Discuss how to handle emotional and educational needs of your child here.

Same sex attraction

Postby quirkymum » Tue Sep 24, 2013 3:32 pm

Hi parents,

I know this is kind of taboo and sensitive but I am very worried for my nephew. His parents (my sister and brother in law) just got a divorce this year but their marriage has been bad for almost 3 years.

My nephew has been staying with us for a while as my sister has an overseas posting for about 2 years. She is taking her younger daughter with her as she is still in preschool but for my nephew, he is in secondary school so a bit hard to uproot for 2 years. His father is very busy with new family. Yes family fell apart due to his affair. My nephew seemed all right from the outside but I know he is keeping a lot to himself, he definitely feels abandoned. And now he is in a boys school and he told me that there is another boy he is close to and asks if he can study at his place. I said ok, happy for him to make friends but recently I felt something is not right, I caught certain things he was saying on his handphone and checked his phone for sms and saw somethings that were questionable.

I dont know how to deal with this. He is close to us but yet will keep a lot of things to himself.

Anyone has any advice?

quirkymum
GreenBelt
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Re: Same sex attraction

Postby happyheart » Tue Sep 24, 2013 3:45 pm

In the absence ( away from singapore) of his biology mother, you are already acting as his 'mother' here since he is staying with you.
If it is difficult to open up immediately, you can start a conversation by discussing the same sex news ( maybe the latest utube video about gay's proposal) and observe his reaction. Listen and hear his opinion without interrupting. When he is finished, you can share your views based on what he has said. If he is truly interested in same sex, you can tell from the conversation what he has done and what is on his mind. If he is only trying to find his orientation as a teenager, then you can also find what is bothering him.

Most importantly, if his sms exchange is a concern to you, then open communication with him is essential.

happyheart
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Re: Same sex attraction

Postby quirkymum » Tue Sep 24, 2013 4:29 pm

Thank you happyheart,

I have tried to talk to him and I also asked him to bring that friend back to our place to study instead so I could know him more. However he is a little reluctant. He is close to us but I do not know how to break down that wall that still exists, It is as though he feels this is temporary, my sister would come back and take him back.

So he feels he does not really need to open up and try. My husband and I are thinking of taking a holiday with him and our kids to get to know him more. Really scared that he would go astray while under our care..

quirkymum
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Re: Same sex attraction

Postby N.Lo » Wed Sep 25, 2013 9:36 am

Hi quirkymum,

Have you considered bringing him for counselling? Or perhaps helping him join some other activities like a sport or if you are religious, a religious youth group that could help him find other friends and a vision in life?

Maybe if he is not open to talk, doing such things might help him for a while?

But i salute you for taking up the responsibility for your nephew.

N.Lo
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Re: Same sex attraction

Postby quirkymum » Tue Oct 01, 2013 1:25 am

Thanks N.Lo,

I know this issue will not be easily resolved but thank you for helping to suggest help for him..am now trying to get him to mix more with other friends

quirkymum
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