Less is more

Parental influence on children in the first 12 years of their lives have a permanent effect. Unfortunately, children come with no user manual. Each child is different from the other. Discuss how to handle emotional and educational needs of your child here.

Which one of your child is the fastest learner?

1st child
8
53%
2nd child
6
40%
3rd child
0
No votes
4th child
0
No votes
5th or greater child
1
7%
 
Total votes : 15

Mummy's boys and Daddy's little girls.

Postby tianzhu » Sat Jun 21, 2008 12:56 pm

Mummy's boys and Daddy's little girls.

In the United States, overprotective parents came to be known as 'helicopter parents' in the 1990s. The term referred to the way they 'hovered' just above their children's heads, monitoring them closely so they could help out quickly in a crisis. Parents who spoil their children are creating a generation of kids who are 'just waiting around for instructions' and not thinking for themselves.
Kiasu parents breed a dependency mentality on our kids,what your view?

http://news.asiaone.com/News/Education/ ... 72073.html
Doting parents in Japan drive varsities to despair

Sat, Jun 21, 2008
The Straits Times

TOKYO - THEY may be destined to land good jobs in prestigious companies, but they will likely never attain great heights as future leaders - because they are mummy's boys and daddy's little girls.
Officials at universities across the country are flabbergasted at the level of pampering some parents bestow on their children, reported The Asahi Shimbun.
For example, a phone rings at a university staff room, and the person who picks it up is stunned to hear the caller ask: 'Could you tell me when and where we can buy textbooks?'
The call is not from a student, but from a parent.
Other parents' calls which have caught staff by surprise at nine private universities in major cities go like this: 'My son is staying at home today because he says classes are cancelled. Is that true?'
Or: 'My son complains the classroom is full and he cannot find a seat. Why is that?'
Or: 'My daughter could not take a test in class. What should she do?'
The anecdotes seem endless.
University teachers and officials have noted a sharp increase in such questions, along with requests and complaints from 'overprotective' parents in recent years.
Some parents protest after hearing from their children what was apparently intended as a joke in a classroom.
A professor who confides in class that he has a hangover should be prepared to field calls from parents expressing outrage. Some parents resort to writing a letter of protest to the university president.
University staff have also had a hard time making sure their entrance ceremony halls can accommodate all those who want to attend. Each year, Hosei University and Toyo University, both in Tokyo, rent the mammoth Nippon Budokan hall, which can hold up to 14,000 people.
They also limit those accompanying each student to two. Even so, the hall is always full, reported The Asahi Shimbun.
Many parents form a line two hours before the hall is open so they can dash to the best spot to shoot videos of their precious offspring.
At 'open campus' events, which target high-school students hankering for a university education by offering first-hand information, guardians are a common sight too.
'On entrance-exam day, parents used to see their children off at the school gates, but they do not go home now,' said one school official.
'There are so many waiting that rooms set aside for them are often not enough.'
Most teachers and staff attributed the rise in indulgent parenting to a decline in the number of children.
Many also noted that even as children grow apart from their parents, many parents are simply unwilling to let go.
Parents who spoil their children are creating a generation of kids who are 'just waiting around for instructions' and not thinking for themselves, said an official.
That said, pampering parents are not unique to Japan.
In the United States, overprotective parents came to be known as 'helicopter parents' in the 1990s. The term referred to the way they 'hovered' just above their children's heads, monitoring them closely so they could help out quickly in a crisis.
But Professor Masatoshi Onoda, an expert in education systems at Osaka University, believed universities needed to respond to parents' voices 'to some extent'.
'Many parents these days are university graduates. Since they know what universities are like, they want to learn more and request higher levels of 'customer satisfaction',' he said.

tianzhu
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Am i doing too much

Postby junxiong » Fri Jul 04, 2008 1:09 am

Forgive me for my english.

I am wondering if I am doing too much. I am a SAHM of a 2.5 yrs old boy. He only started going to pre-nursery the start of this week.

Since 20 months he can tell me 20 different brands of cars (Toyota , Hyundai , Mitsubishi etc) after I had taught him. Then there's Thomas' characters. He also knows many different types of vehicles.
I read a lot to him, quite a number of books he can even "read" (cant read words yet ) when looking at the picture after i have read to him 2 or 3 times.

He seems to enjoy playing with me and his dad and it usually involved lots of conversations.

However, my son is not very good in physical activities. He is not very stable. So when I went to the playground, i still have to watch him. He can do the slide but when using the stairs I must watch him. I give him practise everyday on the stairs. He cant ride his tricycle yet.


I have a neighbour of the same age, he can ride his tricycle already. However every vehicle to him is car, he cant talk much yet. His parents seems very relax.

I am not trying to compare here. Just want to know if my son's weaker physical ability compare to his much better ability in speech is due to the fact that we talk so much to him.

And the fact that I told him lots of information (eg I tell him the different type of vehicles, Thomas' character) will I make him not wanting to find out information for himself? Or shall I just keep giving him information so long as he is interested?

junxiong
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Postby tamarind » Fri Jul 04, 2008 9:28 pm

I think it is perfectly alright for you to tell him as much information as you can. Playing with toys (lego blocks etc) is very important as well, this is how he develops his fine motor skills, which is essential for writing.

In order for a child to be able to learn, he must first learn how to read words on his own. Your child is very bright and at his age he can start to learn phonics and reading. He could be reading like an adult by 4 or 5 years old.

Check out my blog about my experience teaching my kids to read.

http://tamarindvillage.blogspot.com/200 ... ading.html

tamarind
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Re: Mummy's boys and Daddy's little girls.

Postby jedamum » Sun Jul 27, 2008 5:54 pm

tianzhu wrote:Mummy's boys and Daddy's little girls.

In the United States, overprotective parents came to be known as 'helicopter parents' in the 1990s. The term referred to the way they 'hovered' just above their children's heads, monitoring them closely so they could help out quickly in a crisis.

I used to double check my boy's school work closely in the bid to ensure that he gets it correct. Nowadays, I am trying to take a step back and let him make mistakes so that he knows that he is responsible for his own work and so that his teachers know his true standard and can help to brush up his weak areas.
I still do peep at his schoolbags sneakily while he is asleep and grind my teeth to force myself not to correct his work too frequently. :?

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Postby breguet » Mon Jul 28, 2008 10:36 am

I'm really worried because we have the perfect profile for this - only son, career mummy who quit job to look after son etc. I do see a lot of examples around me in my family however, so hopefully I won't lose sight of what not to do.

Jedamum, checking on work is one thing, and you are so mindful of yourself! I know of parents who spend a lot of time doing project work for their kids for school and for competition. How to not win like that? But I'm sure the kid ends up feeling inadequate and like a fraud. These are the real consequences of helicopter parenting which no parent wants to convey. I hope I don't forget when my time comes!

breguet
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Re: Mummy's boys and Daddy's little girls.

Postby heutistmeintag » Mon Jul 28, 2008 12:16 pm

jedamum wrote:I still do peep at his schoolbags sneakily while he is asleep and grind my teeth to force myself not to correct his work too frequently. :?


hehehe, I am worse. There was a time when my P5 daughter keep getting calls from a male classmate. I asked her what was happening and she refused to tell me. My alarms went off and got very anxious to know what is going on. I peeped into her diary...no mention. gosh..what should I do?

Luckily common sense prevailed and I had a calm discussion with her. Oh, they were only discussing some online games and she didnt want to tell me because she was afraid of being scolded. Until today, I am still feeling so embarassed by my over reaction. :lol:

heutistmeintag
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Postby breguet » Mon Jul 28, 2008 1:27 pm

Sounds like not just remembering about hovering. It's also the strength not to do it. Aiiiee, not very good in this dept. Learning from u guys. :)

breguet
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Postby EN » Tue Jul 29, 2008 9:38 am

Hi

My daughter was very sickly when she was a baby & I nearly lost her when she was two (she is a healthy girl now). Dut to the early episode, I have been hovering over her life. To err is human & she grows up unable to be independent. She waited for me to sit with her when she is doing her homework. When I walk out of the room, she practically stop doing her it. She waited for me to help her with revision, with spelling & even tying her hair when going to school.

I soon realize my mistake and slowly let go of my clutches. It is not easy but I can see improvement in her. She is now more confident & sociable.

EN
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Less is more

Postby mamachris » Tue Jul 29, 2008 4:49 pm

[Moderator's Note: Threads split and merged.]

jedamum wrote:
My 20mth old is also enjoying free-and-easy session at home. At least they get to enjoy the experience we have for handling the elder kid, right?

Call me paranoid, but a simple stroll downstairs at the garden, my dss usually come back with huge mosquitoes bites.... :(


Jedamum,

Just wanna found out from you whether you think your 2nd is a faster learner and can amaze you with the ability to understand things better.

I know how heartaching to see huge mosquitoes bites on our dear kids... but I realised that the mother nature brings more peace to the family than shopping malls :P and most importantly, the scenic natural environment is the best place for kids to learn... for my case.

mamachris
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Postby jedamum » Tue Jul 29, 2008 5:43 pm

mamachris wrote:
Jedamum,

Just wanna found out from you whether you think your 2nd is a faster learner and can amaze you with the ability to understand things better.

.

mamachris,
As compared to ds1, my ds2 is a fast learner as
1. ds1 does not have the luxury of my time back then as I am a FTWM while I am at home 24/7 to 'stimulate' my ds2 :D
2. we only got 'age-appropriate' stuff and do 'age-appropriate' activities with ds1 only when we feel that the time is right, while ds2 can easily 'graduate' into ds1's stuff (eg, he flips books intended for ds1 etc) relatively early as he as nothing else better to do at home.
3. ds1 stimulates ds2 alot by talking, playing with him.
4. we are not as protective over ds2 and hence give more leeway for him to 'develop his motorskills' (with ds1 we worried about safety alot)

And yes, my boy loves starfall too. :)

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