At a loss

Parental influence on children in the first 12 years of their lives have a permanent effect. Unfortunately, children come with no user manual. Each child is different from the other. Discuss how to handle emotional and educational needs of your child here.

At a loss

Postby heyhoe » Thu Mar 13, 2014 9:01 am

I'm at a loss with my ds. Since beginning of this year, he's been getting complaints from his teacher for his misbehaviour :cry: - not completing his work or doing his work carelessly.

I've checked his work but there are times when he didn't write in the communication book and at times, didn't bring his work back so I didn't know it is not completed. At times, I found uncompleted work :frustrated: .

I've done the soft approach (talking and giving incentive for good behaviour & completing his work) and also hard approach (take away privileges, :spank: etc). Still, nothing works. I've also seen his teacher and discuss ways to work with her but nothing seems to work.

When I asked him why he behave this way, he will tell me :shrug: "Don't know" and remorseful for a while, the next moment, he's cheeky again. I really don't know how to handle this.

Anyone can give me some suggestions? I'm going to see the teacher again and really didn't know what to say or do. :?

heyhoe
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Re: At a loss

Postby Porky Pig » Thu Mar 13, 2014 9:02 am

heyhoe wrote:I'm at a loss with my ds. Since beginning of this year, he's been getting complaints from his teacher for his misbehaviour :cry: - not completing his work or doing his work carelessly.

I've checked his work but there are times when he didn't write in the communication book and at times, didn't bring his work back so I didn't know it is not completed. At times, I found uncompleted work :frustrated: .

I've done the soft approach (talking and giving incentive for good behaviour & completing his work) and also hard approach (take away privileges, :spank: etc). Still, nothing works. I've also seen his teacher and discuss ways to work with her but nothing seems to work.

When I asked him why he behave this way, he will tell me :shrug: "Don't know" and remorseful for a while, the next moment, he's cheeky again. I really don't know how to handle this.

Anyone can give me some suggestions? I'm going to see the teacher again and really didn't know what to say or do. :?



How old is your kid?

Porky Pig
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Re: At a loss

Postby slmkhoo » Thu Mar 13, 2014 9:25 am

Does he have problems focusing? Is he impulsive or dreamy? It may not be that he intentionally 'forgets' to write things down or complete work. Can you ask the teacher to remind him to write things down or get a buddy to help him remeber (I assume he's still in Pr school)? And set up a schedule for him at home to review every subject that was taught that day to see if there was work handed out. You may need to do this with him for a while until he learns to do it for himself. Just don't fall into the trap of doing it for him forever.

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Re: At a loss

Postby bb_ mom » Thu Mar 13, 2014 9:51 am

My DS had the same problem when he was in P2. Even now, it still happens occasionally. Slmkhoo is right. There has to be a fixed schedule at home to review his work. From the moment DS finishes his lunch, I will prompt him by asking if he has homework. He is quick to say, "Nothing." But I will ask him to think carefully subject by subject. That's when he'll remember there's either homework or some letter/consent form for parents. And my agreement with him is very clear - finish his school homework followed by the work set by either DH or I. But the work set by DH or I follows a fixed schedule too. No deviation. If need to deviate, I must tell DS ahead of time. He cannot accept impromptu changes.

Even if he misbehaves, don't take away the privilege in totality. It may make him rebel. Instead, I was advised to cut back on his privilege. In the case of DS, he always gets to play for 1.5 hours with friends downstairs. If he doesn't complete his work or misbehaves, I will cut his play time by 0.5 hour the next day.

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Re: At a loss

Postby Porky Pig » Thu Mar 13, 2014 9:57 am

I guess it is a boy's thing to be forgetful and not organized. My DS was like tat when he is in his lower primary. What i did was to get those plastic folders with individual compartments. I will label, English, Chinese, Maths, Science, Letters and Others. Then i will tell my DS to put all his homework for that particular subject into that slot. So when he gets home, i will go through with him. It works after a while. This practice is continued even till today when he is in Sec 1.

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Re: At a loss

Postby bb_ mom » Thu Mar 13, 2014 10:02 am

Hi Porky

I did the same with my DS. Started off great cos he found it fun to have slots for each subject. Then he got tired of doing it and just stuffed the papers into his bag. :slapshead: Still the same now.

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Re: At a loss

Postby Porky Pig » Thu Mar 13, 2014 10:05 am

bb_ mom wrote:Hi Porky

I did the same with my DS. Started off great cos he found it fun to have slots for each subject. Then he got tired of doing it and just stuffed the papers into his bag. :slapshead: Still the same now.


Porky Mama is very fierce. If my DS deviates, i will scold or punish. Hence till today, he will still practise. I think it is in his blood oredi!

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Re: At a loss

Postby bb_ mom » Thu Mar 13, 2014 10:09 am

I cannot deviate when it comes to my DS but he's always deviating. Very unfair.

But I've learnt not to sweat the small stuff. Pick the "fights". Just means his bag has lots of papers.

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Re: At a loss

Postby heyhoe » Thu Mar 13, 2014 10:43 am

Thanks, Ladies. My ds is in P3 and yes, he often drifts off in the midst of lesson. The teacher mentioned that at times she will stare at him to remind him.

He used to be the most organised of my 3 ds but now, this happens. Every night, I go thru his bag, check thru his communication book and look thru every activity and exercise books. Still some are missing cause he never brings back. At times, he left it at the student care. Oh yeah, I have those folder with different compartments too but at times, he didn't put in.

I'm not the most patience mom too (think I run out of patience), I will unload and get them to repack when I see "messy" stuff in the bag. I'm really run out of ideas how to help him. :gloomy:

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Re: At a loss

Postby Porky Pig » Thu Mar 13, 2014 10:49 am

heyhoe wrote:Thanks, Ladies. My ds is in P3 and yes, he often drifts off in the midst of lesson. The teacher mentioned that at times she will stare at him to remind him.

He used to be the most organised of my 3 ds but now, this happens. Every night, I go thru his bag, check thru his communication book and look thru every activity and exercise books. Still some are missing cause he never brings back. At times, he left it at the student care. Oh yeah, I have those folder with different compartments too but at times, he didn't put in.

I'm not the most patience mom too (think I run out of patience), I will unload and get them to repack when I see "messy" stuff in the bag. I'm really run out of ideas how to help him. :gloomy:


I think you will have to be really patient with him. I will provide incentives to entice him to improve e.g. if 1 day all homework done, no teachers' call then 1 tick. At the end of say 10 ticks he will be able to get maybe half an hour of gaming or whatever is his favorite stuff.
You will still have to handheld him for a little longer.

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