Siblings...North and South pole

Parental influence on children in the first 12 years of their lives have a permanent effect. Unfortunately, children come with no user manual. Each child is different from the other. Discuss how to handle emotional and educational needs of your child here.

Siblings...North and South pole

Postby kiasimom » Mon Nov 30, 2009 3:52 pm

Hi parents, do you have the same experience?

The characters of your two children are completely opposite!

How do you strike a balance between them?
Have you receive comments like'" Same parents but how come your two children are completely different?"

Do your children quarrel everyday? How do you handle them?

kiasimom
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Re: Siblings...North and South pole

Postby schellen » Mon Nov 30, 2009 4:30 pm

kiasimom wrote:Have you receive comments like'" Same parents but how come your two children are completely different?"


Then you answer, "Because the mommy and daddy are also very different, so to be fair, the children must also be different." :wink:

Sorry, just joking. I foresee this scenario in the future when my 2 DDs are of age to disagree and argue with each other.

My sis and I are also very different but I don't recall my parents being asked such questions. :?

schellen
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Postby mrswongtuition » Mon Nov 30, 2009 5:17 pm

My brother and I are opposites. Relatives & close friends did ask, but we just replied that WE ARE INDIVIDUALS!

We had our fair share of quarrels but we are still very very close now.

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Postby kiasimom » Mon Nov 30, 2009 5:55 pm

My two children quarrels everyday :stupid:
Don't know how to stop them from bickering?

kiasimom
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Postby EN » Mon Nov 30, 2009 9:50 pm

Not sure if this help. Both my sister and I are very different and so are my kids.

I’m totally different from my sister. To add the pain, we are five years apart. She likes to cook, I like to clean, she likes socializing, I like being holed up in my room don’t know doing what, I like sports, she likes music, she likes food and I’m fussy. I’m very quiet at home, she likes to chat. With strangers my sister is reserve while I’m complete the opposite. Our coloring also different, hence our given nick name.

Do I and my sister bickers? No, I simply get bullied by her when I was young. When we grow up, she stops bullying me because I can retaliate back. Jealousy? I never heard my parents say, “why can’t you be like EN or vice versa”. My parents happily take our differences to their own advantage. One needs to cook & the other clean. My sister always is needed to accompany my parents to meet up relatives for gathering (I’m excuse :P). If there are issues that need firm handling, my parents will call me up instead. Heee…Just had dinner with my sister’s family yesterday. We will be meeting up again for another round of bingeing (I do like to eat now).

Now my kids. One is very neat, the other very untidy. One is outgoing, the other very reserve. One talks non-stop, the other is very quiet. One very energetic, the other is lacking in stamina. One needs plenty of sleep; the other doesn’t really need it. One needs to strive hard to get a decent grade & the other with not much effort simply tops it. One very fussy eater, one likes to taste. When going out, one is running and hopping ahead while the other is strolling behind (just came back from dinner, boy I do have a hard time managing those two). One is generous to a fault, the other counts every cents there is.

My kids, do they bicker? Of course! On issues like, cleaning up the table, who plays the PSP longer, who gets to sit in front in the car, missing sorry/thank you. Those are very easy issues to handle. I simply laid out the rules. There are times when one become bossy eg one tell the other to clean up or scolded the other for a sloppy job. Over stepping my authority is a big no. They know they will not get any brownie points for pointing each other fault.

Most important of all, I always highlight that they always have each other when I’m away at work or off overseas. They have each other for companion and they have each other to see through during hard times and laugh together during good times. The little brother likes to buy tidbits for the sister while the sister will buy 2nd hand books from school for the brother. Sweet……

EN
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Postby Luvkid » Tue Dec 01, 2009 10:34 am

In my case of 2 ds, i am totally agree with this. Their characters are just the opposite of each other. They will "fight"/quarrel over small matter like playing toys. I used to be out of control in this situation, until recent months i learn to be more firm on "take turn" rule. I admit i am not a "good" parent,however am learning very hard to be a "good" one, and i believe i still need to continue to learn to no end.......

DS1 used to love his didi more when didi was just new born. He appreciated to have the new baby brother. However, my attention was all focused on ds2 and caused him to have sibling rivalry. When ds2 got older when he will start to "snatch" toys, things got worst and worst. Recently, ds1 will use "not fair" if situation arises....... I will have to be there to "watch" on their "take turn" rule..... Tired though, but have to do it.

In attitude towards academic, i am having a hard time with ds1. As for ds2, he is still in pre nursery, i can already spot his attitude which is totally different with his gor gor.

In theirs characters, ds1 is more "chin cai" (anything), where ds2 is more resistance..... Every child has their own individual....

Luvkid
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Postby sleepy » Tue Dec 01, 2009 10:53 am

kiasimom wrote:My two children quarrels everyday :stupid:
Don't know how to stop them from bickering?


Luvkid wrote:In my case of 2 ds, i am totally agree with this. Their characters are just the opposite of each other. They will "fight"/quarrel over small matter like playing toys. I used to be out of control in this situation, until recent months i learn to be more firm on "take turn" rule.



Mine quarrel over every trival issues too. Eg. who plays the piano first. If my dd1 is sleeping, my dd2 will not touch the piano. When dd1 wakes up & starts playing, dd2 will cry & say it's her turn. Aiyo, must fight then more fun is it?
I laid rules. They know the rules but still the same, quarrel everyday. Yet when we separate them for a few hours, they missed each other terribly & suffer from withdrawal symptons, probably no one to quarrel with? :|

sleepy
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Postby jedamum » Tue Dec 01, 2009 11:36 am

my kids are poles apart and i myself commented that they don't look like brothers.
ds1 has been 'teacher's dream pupil' since nursery (ie kwai kwai type) and ds2 has already sat on naughty chair in school even before he reach 3yo.
being so different in character, we are constantly considering not letting ds2 be in the same school as ds1 cos 1. teachers may compare; 2. will ds1 be embarrassed by ds2's playful behaviour in school? we don't want to put him in a difficult position.

as ds1 has a 'whistle-blower' nature, i had once asked ds1 what will he do if he chance upon his bro breaking school rules in school......

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Postby EN » Tue Dec 01, 2009 1:57 pm

as ds1 has a 'whistle-blower' nature, i had once asked ds1 what will he do if he chance upon his bro breaking school rules in school......


So, what is his answer? Will you put them in the same school? As you know my dd and ds are from different school. It was unplanned but I believe it must be fate and God's work. My sister and I were never in the same school either. But then, so far nobody ever makes comment. Of course those close like my parents will for sure, see the glaring difference because they take care of them while I'm at work.

I remember when I was in primary school, my classmate little brother went over to our class to see his big brother. Our teacher happen to teach the little brother as well. She was like, "whose your brother". Then unwittingly commented how come the older brother is in the top class where else the little brother is not. Big brother must have gotten all the good genes as he is good looking as well.

Very thoughtless of the teacher to say such things. My friend I know was swelling by the teacher comment. But how hurtful can those words be for the little brother.

EN
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Postby keroppi » Tue Dec 01, 2009 2:58 pm

EN wrote:Then unwittingly commented how come the older brother is in the top class where else the little brother is not. Big brother must have gotten all the good genes as he is good looking as well.

I know. When I met with DS2 FT this year, she also unwittingly commented that DS2 must be a smart kid coz he has a gifted brother. I was rather put off. I wished the teacher wouldn't use DS1 as a yardstick. Every kid is different. I know that DS2 is nowhere near his brother's cabilities but it's OK and I can accept it. I hope he wouldn't grow up under this type of pressure and expectation.

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