Too Harsh to my P3 girl

Parental influence on children in the first 12 years of their lives have a permanent effect. Unfortunately, children come with no user manual. Each child is different from the other. Discuss how to handle emotional and educational needs of your child here.

Too Harsh to my P3 girl

Postby NoJo » Fri May 09, 2014 4:29 pm

Usually when exam is coming, I will make my P3 girl do a lot of assessment on Maths and Science which are her weak subjects. This time as usual make her do all the assessments. Alot of questions to her is like a stranger to her,especially problem sums. I am not sure whether she don't understand the question or she just don't willing to go and think. When I see her 'don't care' expression i suddenly become frustrated and keep scolding her. Sometimes i used those harsh words like 'why you so lousy...you sure fail you test...how to finish your exam when you do so slow...'. Then she will cry and will start shouting back at me.Recently i noticed she will cried easily on small little matters and i not sure whether is it due to her stress.

Kindly advise how can i revise with her during exam time? Should i let her do more assessment to practice?

NoJo
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Re: Too Harsh to my P3 girl

Postby slmkhoo » Fri May 09, 2014 4:49 pm

Both she and you are obviously stressed. Try and find out what she can't understand or where the difficulties are, and work on them bit by bit. Just doing lots of assessment may not help if she has problems with understanding. Also, give her frequent breaks and don't pile on work if she is already tired or stressed. It will just make her perform worse, get more miserable, and make you angrier. If she has difficulties, plan to work on them during the holidays rather than try to fix things in a hurry. A little a day is better than hours.

One thing about scolding - if you tell her she will fail or that she is stupid, she will come to believe it. It's better to focus on what she does right and well, and encourage her to do that more. Even when she gets things wrong, it's better to say "let's figure how you can do this correctly" rather than "why did you get it wrong?". Her "don't care" attitude may simply be that she's given up.

Just saw ammonite's reply saying that it's exams next week - make sure she gets enough sleep! Trying to cram a lot this week will be counter-productive. And tell her to do what she can and she can work on the other stuff in the holidays.
Last edited by slmkhoo on Fri May 09, 2014 5:15 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Too Harsh to my P3 girl

Postby ammonite » Fri May 09, 2014 5:05 pm

Huh? Isn't exam next week?? I think it is better not to dig out skeletons at this point but just polish where you can or the child will be a nervous wreck on exam day. Leave the biggies for the June holiday. Emphasize the areas that she CAN do and tell her to gun for those.

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Re: Too Harsh to my P3 girl

Postby taz » Fri May 09, 2014 5:13 pm

No words to advise u.
In almost same situation w P3 boy for science now. :stupid:
Dare not venture into Math yet.

taz
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Re: Too Harsh to my P3 girl

Postby NoJo » Fri May 09, 2014 5:50 pm

Thank you for all the replies. Slmkhoo maybe you are right. She may be too tired to concentrate because normally we do assessment during night time around 8pm+.Sometimes I can see her tired looking face but I just want to make her do so that she can understand. I think is time for me to change my method as what you all advise. I read some of the forum mentioned some kids attempted suicide because of stress make me so worry now. I shall wait till June holiday then see what and how I can help her rather then drilling her now.

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Re: Too Harsh to my P3 girl

Postby bb_ mom » Fri May 09, 2014 6:12 pm

Is there also a time pressure to complete studying at night since you start at 8pm plus? My kids start revision at 8pm latest and stop at 9pm. It's already very tight but to do later than that tires then more since they have to be up early the next day.

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Re: Too Harsh to my P3 girl

Postby SAHM_TAN » Sun May 11, 2014 12:58 pm

Just curious, you mentioned that she's unfamiliar with many of the questions. Did the school provide a list of topics to be tested?

For example, for dd1, science, the test will only cover living and non-living things, plant system, life cycle of plant and animal. While for maths, schools use different textbks. Assessment bks don't always align according to what's tested in school. I will select the relevant topics to let dd1 try. I had one science assessment bk that I have to shelf for later becos it combined P3/P4 within a theme and it was difficult for her to do becos some are not taught yet although under the same theme.

For maths past yr papers, qty 2, which I downloaded, I crossed out some questions becos some topics are not taught yet.

This yr her trs gave the class mock papers the wk before SA1 so I have reduced the amt of revision for her too. I trust that the trs will not give mock papers that are not relevant to her upcoming tests heehee.

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Re: Too Harsh to my P3 girl

Postby NoJo » Thu May 15, 2014 8:54 am

Yes the school usually will give a list of the topics to be tested.
So normally I will only targeted on those topics to guide her and do assessment only on those topics. But my girl she is quite weak in maths so like the topics division and multiplication she will need more attention on them. Especially those problem sums questions she will take longer time to attempt. She is the type who don't anxious about exam. When I am doing my housework she can't revise herself. She must wait for me to sit beside her and revise with her. So by the time we reached home is already 7+pm and we can start to revise around 8+pm. Sometimes I am thinking of just let her be and don't ask her to do any assessment because I really tired of it.
Mostly we will end up quarrelled and shouted at each other and I think is not healthy.

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Re: Too Harsh to my P3 girl

Postby mum2girls » Thu May 15, 2014 9:20 am

Hi NoJo
I have two girls in P4 and P6. Their learning style is completely different. Learning does not stop at P3, hence do not stress the kids too much when they are young. Interest in learning is very important.

My P6 girl is quite discipline, has her own goal in her studies. I noticed that day before exam, she needs to relax herself and stay away from doing assesment and exam papers. All she needs is to do abit of reading, play for a while and sleep early. She usually did quite well in this way.

My P4 girl is totally switch off kind but she is a street smart girl. She does not like to memorise stuff. However, she is those on the day before, you still need to remind and feed her some information. We didn't scold her and didn't push her too much as we feel that she will end up feeling stress or hate the subjects. So all we do is to tell her, try to pass all her subjects every year, that is good enough. If she can do better than that, then it is for her own good and she will definitely feel happier than us. Self motivation is very important.

One thing for sure is we are very strict with the girls when come to doing their school works, they must complete their school works on time and do them properly. We do not sit with them when they do their homeworks, we told them that they have to come to us if they have doubts. They need to learn to study and do works on their own.

You just need to know that what are the stuff that your girl is unsure of and revise with her, don't accumulate doubts. A happy learning environment is very important :)

mum2girls
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Re: Too Harsh to my P3 girl

Postby rains » Thu May 15, 2014 9:56 am

Hi NoJo,

I remember feeling frustrated with my kid when she was in P2. I can't remember what it was for, but I remember feeling so angry that I told a friend that I feel like giving up on her. He said something that made me rethink what I said,"You are the mother. You can rest for all you want when you are six feet underground, but as a mother, you should never give up on your child. I remember at times when I was unreasonable as a child, my parents did not give up on me ..." I am sure he said something else, but what struck me was the part on 'resting underground'.

Same to you :)

And above all, I think it's not fair for your child to start revising at 8pm. Any child, even adults, would feel tired at 8pm. In fact, 5pm is already the wind-down time for most people.

You may want to use the June holidays to revise bit by bit with her. Set a realistic time table for yourself and her. Try to connect Maths with daily life eg. get her to think about numbers when you buy something, play some Maths games with her. You can log onto mconline for her - most schools paid for it. It has an animated lesson before a practice and test. Kids love it.

rains
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