whats wrong with my kid?

Parental influence on children in the first 12 years of their lives have a permanent effect. Unfortunately, children come with no user manual. Each child is different from the other. Discuss how to handle emotional and educational needs of your child here.

whats wrong with my kid?

Postby kiasuchabo » Fri Jun 27, 2014 8:12 am

Hi, my kid is in a preschool nursery class now. I feel that she has problem socializing with others. The teacher says she doesn't speak much in class and if she does, it will be with one word. At home she speaks well with us parents... but I do notice she didn't communicate with other people. She does not initiate a talk. If someone ask her a question, then she may answer... but sometimes people talk to her, she seems not paying attention and carry on with her things she is doing.

Recently, the school teacher told me she is not paying attention in class and like to disturb her friends while they are doing work or listening to story. She is usually not listening.. and not following teachers instruction.

However, with us , she understands and follow instructions. She also speaks well with us. I was quite surprise with what the teacher says.


What should I do to help her to speak with others?


Thanks :rahrah:

kiasuchabo
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Re: whats wrong with my kid?

Postby slmkhoo » Fri Jun 27, 2014 8:43 am

Some kids are not naturally sociable. Some adults are not either! It's inborn. You can encourage, but you cannot force. If you force her to be more sociable or make her feel that she is less worthy because she is not as sociable, you may get more issues with rebellion, low self-esteem etc. Often, parents will tailor their talk to their kids' interests, but other kids will not, and that could be the issue now.

As for not paying attention in class, maybe she's bored? You can tell her that it's not polite to disturb others, ignore instructions etc, but again, you won't be there to control her behaviour. She will learn to accommodate others more as she gets older.

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Re: whats wrong with my kid?

Postby kiasuchabo » Fri Jun 27, 2014 10:57 am

yup... abit worry because she will be in k1 next year and the teacher asked to bring her to psychologist check :(

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Re: whats wrong with my kid?

Postby slmkhoo » Fri Jun 27, 2014 11:01 am

kiasuchabo wrote:yup... abit worry because she will be in k1 next year and the teacher asked to bring her to psychologist check :(

Don't just take 1 teacher's word for it - some teachers have unrealistic expectations and want every child to be the same in all areas. Your child is too young for any conclusive diagnosis, and as she appears to be OK with speaking to familiar people, just monitor. In the meanwhile, encourage her to interact with a wider range of people - cousins, neighbours etc.

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Re: whats wrong with my kid?

Postby kiasuchabo » Fri Jun 27, 2014 11:23 am

I also notice her not conversing with others when in the playground while playing with kids there... she also not conversing with cousins or with the aunts or uncle unless they specifically ask her about something...

i will continue to encourage her to play and mix with other as possible.

Thank you for your advise :)

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Re: whats wrong with my kid?

Postby CK0917 » Fri Jun 27, 2014 11:26 am

is she too smart that she finds going to school as "boring"'?
or is she just simply can't sit still or accept instruction from teacher?

Some times my kids also refuse to answer question from other people, esp adults that they are not close with, i thought maybe just some character problem?

Does she mix along well with other sibling or her cousins?

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Re: whats wrong with my kid?

Postby Blokus » Fri Jun 27, 2014 11:29 am

None of us can tell you if your kid is ok or not. If you are really worried or you do think that the teacher's feedback is valid, I say spend the money to check. Even if the results turn out fine; take the money spent as money exchanged for a peace of mind.

My son was like that. At home he was perfectly ok though he's speech was not developed then. In school he was extremely quiet and don't mingle with his friends. He was very attentive and non distruptive though. Like your daughter, he doesny't initiate conversation or pretend he didn't hear others talking to him. It worried me and I did send him for check. However, I have to warn you it's a long process (the psychologist test etc). In the end, as he grew older, it got clearer and clearer that he's like that because he's merely an introvert.

Anyway, I only see benefits in sending your child for a check. If it's turn out she needs help, at least you get her help now better than later. If it's ok, better still! At least you get a peace of mind and can throw the report to the teachers whenever they 'complain' to keep them quiet! That said, I do think some kindy & even some primary teachers tend to jump into conclusion too quickly as soon as a student is not compliant. But not every kid who's disruptive has issues.

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Re: whats wrong with my kid?

Postby slmkhoo » Fri Jun 27, 2014 11:30 am

Are either you, your husband or family member quiet and introverted by nature? If you are, then consider that your child may take after you or some family member. Not everyone is very chatty by nature, and if you have a quite and introverted child, you should accept it as part of her nature. My older daughter (17yo) is also very introverted and rarely initiates conversations with people except those she is familiar with or if there is a good reason (in her opinion!). We encourage her to speak and interact, but parents can only influence up to a point. As long as your daughter's being quiet is not extreme, not affecting her learning, and she is able to interact with others when she chooses to, there is probably not much you can or should do.

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Re: whats wrong with my kid?

Postby ammonite » Fri Jun 27, 2014 11:47 am

kiasuchabo wrote:I also notice her not conversing with others when in the playground while playing with kids there... she also not conversing with cousins or with the aunts or uncle unless they specifically ask her about something...

i will continue to encourage her to play and mix with other as possible.

Thank you for your advise :)


Ds2 was also very reserved until end of K1. In fact I started him in preschool late because I felt he was not ready emotionally, plus some health considerations. This is despite daily time at playground, a lot of opportunities to interact with other kids, having a very sociable brother, and being a chatterbox at home. I also actively model socialising to him, talking to other kids and their parents.

However, what made a real difference to him was how his preschool teacher interacted with him to help him overcome his shyness once he started school in K1. She never made him feel as though he was lacking, or shame him for being reserved but allowed him to go at his own pace. The big breakthrough came for him via the year end school concert. He was so worried about it he could not sleep for days and begged to be excused. But I did not want him to let his shyness hold him back and insisted that he participate. At the same time, I shared my concerns with the teacher. She immediately comforted him and reassured him, put him at the side instead of middle, refocused his thoughts to it being a group effort and how his friends are counting on him. She also promised him a special present if he went through with it.

He made it through and she gave him a special present just for him. He was very happy when he came home with it. After the concert, he was immediately more sociable at the playground and started playing with much older kids alongside his brother. He became the youngest child to join into all the games and my neighbours noted the big change in him.

I am very grateful to that teacher because I think if it was handled less sensitively, he would have become even more fearful of new people and situations instead of blossoming.

With both my children's emotional growth, I have found teachers to be important allies because they are in the actual situation with our children and can help to shape the situation. We are outside the arena, so to speak, and can only say and do so much. A teacher that understand how to handle our kids - some need patience, others need a push, sometimes a firm hand, other times persuasion - can make a lot of difference.

(ps I do agree that some kids are natural introverts. But with my ds2, he was clearly a shy chatterbox who was held back by his own insecurities.)

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Re: whats wrong with my kid?

Postby SAHM_TAN » Fri Jun 27, 2014 11:52 am

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Last edited by SAHM_TAN on Sun Jun 29, 2014 8:56 am, edited 1 time in total.

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