Daddies must be more involved...

Parental influence on children in the first 12 years of their lives have a permanent effect. Unfortunately, children come with no user manual. Each child is different from the other. Discuss how to handle emotional and educational needs of your child here.

Do you think Singaporean daddies need to do more in looking after their children?

Yes. Mummies are working as well, so why should daddies do less?
17
59%
Yes. Even if mummies are SAHMs, daddies need to spend more time with their children
9
31%
No. Daddies should focus on their careers and be the main bread winners.
0
No votes
No. My family has just the right level of support from both parents.
3
10%
 
Total votes : 29

Daddies must be more involved...

Postby ChiefKiasu » Mon Aug 11, 2008 1:36 pm

The local media seems to be beating the war-drums lately, calling for the heads of daddies to be put on the chopping board to be accountable for the dearth of new babies in Singapore. It seems like we daddies have not been doing our fair share of the job of looking after our children, so the mummies are not incentivized to have more kids.

Do you agree with that view?

We noticed the membership of KiasuParents.com is less lopsided towards the female focus, so I'm hopeful that a question like this will have a better representation from the accused sex.

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Postby heutistmeintag » Mon Aug 11, 2008 2:56 pm

I would say dads can do more but to distribute the responsibilties evenly between dad and mom is only an ideal desire. I think there are other factors like salaries, coaching skills, personal abilities etc to be considered.

Personally, I am a WFHD :) Enuff said about my committment !

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Postby MMM » Mon Aug 11, 2008 4:34 pm

Looking within my own family, I feel that daddy is definitely not doing enough. These are the typical examples :
* Daddy doesn't help in coaching kids in their studies saying that he don't know how to coach. It's a really lame excuse since daddy is more educated in mummy so how can he not know???? It's as though mummy is a born to know not forgetting mummy also need to revise to coach the kids.
* Daddy prefers the tv/ reading newspaper to coaching eg. simple coaching like teaching a 2.5 yrs old how to recognise ABC.... Hallo, mummy also wants to de-stress after a day at work and have some ME time.
* In terms of other household works,etc... as we've maid, there is 1 area less for dispute since maid handles that.
* Daddy makes irresponsible remarks like... oh let's place our child on waiting list in X school when school reopens since it's near our house, good and his cousin is there AND we should expose all the 3 kids to different school as that will give them different exposure!

Daddy don't seem to know what is happening with P1 registration and how other parents did PV, went thru balloting, etc.... to get their child a place in school. Just becoz he is lucky that mummy's pri school is a good school and we din have to do anything extra to get the child in. He don't seem to think that he is already very lucky. In addition, daddy also fail to understand that so wat if a child gets into X school? He need to adapt to the environment again.

But mummy just feels that since she also has a full time job that is equally demanding and her earning power is not alot lesser, then daddy should also contribute fairly to the coaching of the kids. As the kids go to formal education, it's very demanding on the mummy.

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Postby jedamum » Mon Aug 11, 2008 4:49 pm

It does get tricky when the mum is a FTWM.

As a sahm, i am glad that the daddy offers to wash the dishes and hang the laundry with(not 'for') me. Daddy is responsible for coaching the kids on general knowledge (eg geography, science etc), as mummy only focus on academic stuff. Daddy does the chauffeuring too.

I just hope that daddy can spend more time playing with the kids. :)

So why are we not having more kids? Its more of an energy issue.

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Postby kaitlynangelica » Mon Aug 11, 2008 4:56 pm

jedamum wrote:It does get tricky when the mum is a FTWM.

As a sahm, i am glad that the daddy offers to wash the dishes and hang the laundry with(not 'for') me. Daddy is responsible for coaching the kids on general knowledge (eg geography, science etc), as mummy only focus on academic stuff. Daddy does the chauffeuring too.

I just hope that daddy can spend more time playing with the kids. :)

So why are we not having more kids? Its more of an energy issue.



Financial too la! Look at the cost of enrichment classes. If you are a kiasu parent, you will want to give your kid a headstart.

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Postby MMM » Mon Aug 11, 2008 5:16 pm

It's not just that. Especially for working mums, how much time can you dedicate to the kids?

Eg. we have 3 kids. My time has to be spread among them and other activities such as biz travel, etc.... If I compare with a friend who only has 1 child, she is able to send her child (same age as my youngest child) to this and that enrichment programmes or spend time with the child to build up on this and that academic knowledge.

But for me, I just cannot afford that kind of dedicated time for my youngest kid. We just have to prioritise. So I cannot imagine having more than 3. In fact I think 2 is just nice.

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Postby jedamum » Mon Aug 11, 2008 5:27 pm

kaitlynangelica wrote:Financial too la! Look at the cost of enrichment classes. If you are a kiasu parent, you will want to give your kid a headstart.

Although financial plays a part too, but even if the government is willing to fork out more baby bonus, it may not entice us to procreate again. Energy and time factor (commitment to personal coaching/chauffeuring the kids around etc) also plays a part in giving the kids a headstart. :wink:

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Postby ChiefKiasu » Mon Aug 11, 2008 9:56 pm

heutistmeintag wrote:I would say dads can do more but to distribute the responsibilties evenly between dad and mom is only an ideal desire. I think there are other factors like salaries, coaching skills, personal abilities etc to be considered.

Personally, I am a WFHD :) Enuff said about my committment !


Kekekke... spoken like a true dad! How on earth did you manage to WFH?! Got kang tao for me or not?

Looks like we are the only two daddies holding the fort right now... with no backup from the rest. And we are getting pummelled. Help! Where're the reinforcements?!

Anyway, I second what u said about coaching skills - we daddies don't necessarily make the best tutors. I tried to give tuition one-on-one for a Sec 2 boy a long time ago... lasted only for 2 lessons before I gave up. It was like teaching a log - there was just a sullen total silence no matter what I said or did. One more lesson and I would have strangled that chap. Imagine the headlines - TUTOR THROTTLES TEEN TREE TRUNK. Come to think of it... that guy should be a parent himself by now. Could be one of you :).

So I became a lecturer instead and never looked back. I guess I do much better with groups of, um, older kids. So mummies, it may sound like an excuse, but sometimes we daddies are really not cut up for the job much as we would want to. You mummies are so much better child educators than we are.

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Postby Guest » Mon Aug 11, 2008 10:28 pm

Do you think Singaporean daddies need to do more in looking after their children?

Is there a Yes/No answer?

Yes, only if a daddy is super bo chap, hardly interacts with kids and only act as a shadow and ATM for the family and end up like an uncle instead of a dad to the child.

No, if a daddy already contributes by interacting, by being there when needed and shows ample concern to the child's well-being. The child sees him as daddy and not uncle.

My expectation of daddy is low because most men need to be focused in order to function well... so if they can do the basic above while still providing for the family, think it is very good already.. :D
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Postby tamarind » Tue Aug 12, 2008 6:33 am

Nowadays, when both daddy and mommy work full time in most families, there is no reason why mommy should do more than Daddy. In many cases, mommies earn the same salary, or sometimes even more than Daddy !

I think that Daddies can certainly do more. All they have to do is learn.

My hubby could not handle the kids when they were babies. He did not know how to make their milk and he dared not bathe them. He could not even put the babies to sleep.

By the time my kids are more than 3 years old, my hubby is able to feed them porridge and bathe them. Actually he does an even better job than me, because he is better at disciplining them. I can even go traveling with my mother, and leave the kids with him.

I actually did not do much to "train" him. He insisted to do things his own way. But I have to keep my eyes closed lah. Sometimes he forgets and use the table cloth to wipe their face :P But after some "reminding" from me, he learns the lesson :)

He loves to teach the kids, especially my 5 year old girl, who can understand and remember everything he teaches. He is even trying to teach her chemistry and biology now. He is a lot less patient with my almost 4 years old boy. He is more than happy to let me teach the boy instead.

There used to be a time when my hubby returned home from work at midnight. So why the change ? When my girl was more than 1 year old, he realized that she did not want him at all. From that time, he started to make an effort to be more involved. Although he still does not do housework, I am more than happy that he can take care of the kids now.

Actually I knew of at least 2 SAHMs. They only take care of the kids during the day. The hubbys do all the housework when they return home from work. Another FTWM also has a hubby who does all the housework after a full day's work, the mommy only teaches the kids when she returns home and does nothing else. I really envy these women !

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