Toddler violence behavior

Parental influence on children in the first 12 years of their lives have a permanent effect. Unfortunately, children come with no user manual. Each child is different from the other. Discuss how to handle emotional and educational needs of your child here.
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Joyen
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Toddler violence behavior

Post by Joyen » Mon Jan 18, 2010 4:21 pm

I have a 27 months old girl, she's very intelligent but she has kinda of violence behavior towards other children. she will attack (pinch, pull or slap) children that are around her. This problem started when she about 20months. Now she is attending playgroup for the past two weeks but she was make to sit away from the rest. I pretty upset about that but I know there no other choice to prevent her from hurting others.

I very very lost please give me some advise on this.

:?: :?: :?: :?:

ponyo
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Post by ponyo » Mon Jan 18, 2010 4:57 pm

Hi Joyen,

Why don't you discuss with your pediatrician on your concerns about your child's aggressive behaviour?

He/She should be able to refer you to a proper child development specialist for a more detailed assessment if he is not able to help.

Cheers
ponyo

Joyen
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Post by Joyen » Mon Jan 18, 2010 5:02 pm

ponyo wrote:Hi Joyen,

Why don't you discuss with your pediatrician on your concerns about your child's aggressive behaviour?

He/She should be able to refer you to a proper child development specialist for a more detailed assessment if he is not able to help.

Cheers
ponyo
Hi Ponyo

Thanks for the advise, that will be my last option.

jedamum
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Re: Toddler violence behavior

Post by jedamum » Mon Jan 18, 2010 5:15 pm

Joyen wrote:I have a 27 months old girl, she's very intelligent but she has kinda of violence behavior towards other children. she will attack (pinch, pull or slap) children that are around her. This problem started when she about 20months. Now she is attending playgroup for the past two weeks but she was make to sit away from the rest. I pretty upset about that but I know there no other choice to prevent her from hurting others.

I very very lost please give me some advise on this.

:?: :?: :?: :?:
my ds2 tend to play rough (not malicious type of hitting) too. his issue is a need for space and exaggerated actions with turn into rough play (eg a pat on the shoulder over a good laugh became hitting the boy on the back and laughing). he had been made to sit further away from the kids too (and also naughty chair) but i don't think he realised it.
i am turning to picture books to teach him behaviour since nagging and explaining does not work. the library in my neighbourhood had this new book recently which i feel is very useful in explaining desired and undesired behaviours. you may want to give it a try.
<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/076363 ... &sr=8-1</a>

Joyen
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Re: Toddler violence behavior

Post by Joyen » Mon Jan 18, 2010 5:26 pm

jedamum wrote:my ds2 tend to play rough (not malicious type of hitting) too. his issue is a need for space and exaggerated actions with turn into rough play (eg a pat on the shoulder over a good laugh became hitting the boy on the back and laughing). he had been made to sit further away from the kids too (and also naughty chair) but i don't think he realised it.
i am turning to picture books to teach him behaviour since nagging and explaining does not work. the library in my neighbourhood had this new book recently which i feel is very useful in explaining desired and undesired behaviours. you may want to give it a try.
<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/076363 ... &sr=8-1</a>
very diff from my girl, she will hurt anyone who come close to her or play her favorite toys. Her expression is angry. Very headache. I have place a reservation on the book you recommend. Hope it will help. Many Many Thanks


jedamum
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Re: Toddler violence behavior

Post by jedamum » Mon Jan 18, 2010 5:46 pm

Joyen wrote: very diff from my girl, she will hurt anyone who come close to her or play her favorite toys. Her expression is angry. Very headache. I have place a reservation on the book you recommend. Hope it will help. Many Many Thanks
the book is a simple board book which includes other activities such as no drawing on wall, no pulling of cat's tail etc the no hitting part is only a very small part, but it works for me, hope it works for your girl. you may want to take a trip down to the library to look through the selection of children's books to see if you can find suitable picture books. i especially like some of the chinese selection of books teaching morals and behaviour.
is your girl speaking already? try to get her to verbalised her disappointment instead of acting it out.
is she violent towards you? how are your reactions? what are the methods you had tried to calm her down or explained to her (since you said that it started when she was 20mth and now she is already 27mth with no improvement of the hitting issue)?

Joyen
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Re: Toddler violence behavior

Post by Joyen » Mon Jan 18, 2010 5:52 pm

jedamum wrote:
Joyen wrote: very diff from my girl, she will hurt anyone who come close to her or play her favorite toys. Her expression is angry. Very headache. I have place a reservation on the book you recommend. Hope it will help. Many Many Thanks
the book is a simple board book which includes other activities such as no drawing on wall, no pulling of cat's tail etc the no hitting part is only a very small part, but it works for me, hope it works for your girl. you may want to take a trip down to the library to look through the selection of children's books to see if you can find suitable picture books. i especially like some of the chinese selection of books teaching morals and behaviour.
is your girl speaking already? try to get her to verbalised her disappointment instead of acting it out.
is she violent towards you? how are your reactions? what are the methods you had tried to calm her down or explained to her (since you said that it started when she was 20mth and now she is already 27mth with no improvement of the hitting issue)?
She can speaks very well but she will not answer when I ask why. She never hit me but to my in laws, I will bring her to my room and tell her that's not right, and she will scream and call for help......... sighhhhh. Comparing 20month to 27months it getting worse. I was told by her playgroup teacher that she was make to sit away from all the children that make me very upset.

sashimi
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Post by sashimi » Tue Jan 19, 2010 5:25 pm

Joyen, first of all, a very frank question - does anyone in your family hit her? As a form of punishment, for example. That's sometimes where it starts.

If not, check her school - is someone hitting her in the first place? Did she learn it from someone else?

At 20 months, did she experience some traumatic experience which you don't know about? Sometimes some things happen, say in school, and the teachers may brush it off as "normal" or "nothing" but in fact it can cause permanent change in a child. I'm not saying this actually happened, but it may help for you to think back.

Eg. my DD1 when she was about 2+ she, one day, suddenly started to hit us at home. We were very surprised cos we never hit her, and she has never ever hit us in the past. When we investigated, it turned out simply that she was being hit by a boy in her playgroup at Montessori (so much for the big name). The teachers thought this was "normal behaviour" and actually decided we did not need to be informed. Needless to say, we pulled her out immediately. Within a few weeks, she stopped the habit.


Consider also that your girl may be going through the Terrible Twos. She may be experiencing some frustration with something but she does not have the words to explain to you exactly why/how. So, trying to "rationalize" this out of her own mouth may only cause her more frustration.

Joyen
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Post by Joyen » Tue Jan 19, 2010 5:47 pm

sashimi wrote:Joyen, first of all, a very frank question - does anyone in your family hit her? As a form of punishment, for example. That's sometimes where it starts.

If not, check her school - is someone hitting her in the first place? Did she learn it from someone else?

At 20 months, did she experience some traumatic experience which you don't know about? Sometimes some things happen, say in school, and the teachers may brush it off as "normal" or "nothing" but in fact it can cause permanent change in a child. I'm not saying this actually happened, but it may help for you to think back.

Eg. my DD1 when she was about 2+ she, one day, suddenly started to hit us at home. We were very surprised cos we never hit her, and she has never ever hit us in the past. When we investigated, it turned out simply that she was being hit by a boy in her playgroup at Montessori (so much for the big name). The teachers thought this was "normal behaviour" and actually decided we did not need to be informed. Needless to say, we pulled her out immediately. Within a few weeks, she stopped the habit.


Consider also that your girl may be going through the Terrible Twos. She may be experiencing some frustration with something but she does not have the words to explain to you exactly why/how. So, trying to "rationalize" this out of her own mouth may only cause her more frustration.
I did think of that too but she the only one hitting others in schools and she started it long before she went to school. I'm only one will punish her and only start after she was 24months old so I don't think it becos of that.

I have decided to send her for counselling and psychotherapy at Dynamic Kid Therapy center. Hope they can help me out on this.

Btw Thanks to all the above mummy for all the advise you all have provided.

dimension
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Post by dimension » Mon Mar 01, 2010 2:10 pm

Hi Joyen
happen to chance upon your post. Hope things are better now?

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