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Who in your family guide the kids in their work?

Parental influence on children in the first 12 years of their lives have a permanent effect. Unfortunately, children come with no user manual. Each child is different from the other. Discuss how to handle emotional and educational needs of your child here.

Who in your family guide the kids in their work?

Postby FishFingers » Mon Jun 19, 2017 11:06 pm

DD1 and DD2 had a heavy load of Maths and Chinese homework tonight with Malay and Chinese spelling on Thursday.As my wife is a school teacher and teaches Chinese, I asked her to get in together into my study after dinner and prepare her lessons while sitting down with both girls so that she can coach them in their Chinese,Maths homework as well as their Chinese spelling.

I was doing the dishes in the kitchen,cleaning the stove and mopping the floor when my wife marched out of the study room with her laptop.There was a vexed expression on her face and asked me to take over coaching them because she feels whatever she teaches them esp during their Chinese work and spelling,they could not absorb what my wife was teaching them,they were also looking at their phones and not focusing on their work despite reminders and nags from my wife.My wife then proceeded to prepare her lessons for tomorrow in the living room.There were no problems in their Malay homework though cos my wife could speak and read Malay because she was born and bred in Malaysia.

Told her I will take over in a jiffy and went into the study to take away DD1 and DD2's smartphones and managed to get them to finish up their work and they managed to do so by 930 and I gave them 30 mins to relax until 10pm.All lights should be out in their room by then.

True enough,the lights in their room went out at 1005pm. Went inside their room and kissed them good night.

Hopefully,this kind of incidents better not happen in Sep when I am in Australia on a overseas exercise.I don't want to receive this kind of calls while finding my way in the middle of a dusty savannah.

Just curious if anyone have problems coaching their kids in their schoolwork and sometimes get brain jammed?

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Re: Who in your family guide the kids in their work?

Postby MrsKiasu » Tue Jun 20, 2017 6:43 am

My problem is I dont have the patience teaching my kid. I tend to let her settle her own hw and ended up mostly not settled/incomplete/done in hurry as a result. I tend to ask dd to study 'in general' and ended up dunno what she has studied. Each book touched a bit. Now I m trying to be specific, just used a few books and gave her specific schedule and pages to be done, ended too much to be finished. so now i ended up focusing on only one subject to ask dd to finish though i m pretty sure it will extend till school reopened. dd2, I dont really spend time on her but she seems to be quite receptive to studying. pray she continues to be like what she is now in tbe future, else my headache continues..

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Re: Who in your family guide the kids in their work?

Postby FishFingers » Tue Jun 20, 2017 7:44 am

I think after I went into the room to take over my wife to supervise DD1 and DD2 in their schoolwork,they were expecting a shelling from me after my wife complained to me in the kitchen about their attitude during homework time.

I went into the study, took away their phones,firmly/calmly told them focus to show me their homework before 930,come put to drink some fruit juice,relax for a while and then lights out at 10pm.

True enough,they came out and showed me their work at 920pm.Also came out for a few times to ask my wife about things related to their Chinese homework.

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Re: Who in your family guide the kids in their work?

Postby MrsKiasu » Tue Jun 20, 2017 8:23 am

at my side, my dh 's instructions work better than mine too. dh is the one tell me in private that I cannot scold blah blah blah.

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Re: Who in your family guide the kids in their work?

Postby slmkhoo » Tue Jun 20, 2017 9:00 am

FishFingers wrote:I think after I went into the room to take over my wife to supervise DD1 and DD2 in their schoolwork,they were expecting a shelling from me after my wife complained to me in the kitchen about their attitude during homework time.

I went into the study, took away their phones,firmly/calmly told them focus to show me their homework before 930,come put to drink some fruit juice,relax for a while and then lights out at 10pm.

True enough,they came out and showed me their work at 920pm.Also came out for a few times to ask my wife about things related to their Chinese homework.

Lay down some rules about phone use. Your wife should impose the same rules, and your daughters should be told that they must obey your wife just as they obey you. I think you should have reprimanded your daughters for not complying with their mother's instructions. If they obey you more, you should tell them that disobeying their mother is the same as disobeying you. If she has always been more indulgent, she needs your help as she changes the way she deals with them.

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Re: Who in your family guide the kids in their work?

Postby FishFingers » Tue Jun 20, 2017 9:07 am

slmkhoo wrote:
FishFingers wrote:I think after I went into the room to take over my wife to supervise DD1 and DD2 in their schoolwork,they were expecting a shelling from me after my wife complained to me in the kitchen about their attitude during homework time.

I went into the study, took away their phones,firmly/calmly told them focus to show me their homework before 930,come put to drink some fruit juice,relax for a while and then lights out at 10pm.

True enough,they came out and showed me their work at 920pm.Also came out for a few times to ask my wife about things related to their Chinese homework.

Lay down some rules about phone use. Your wife should impose the same rules, and your daughters should be told that they must obey your wife just as they obey you. I think you should have reprimanded your daughters for not complying with their mother's instructions. If they obey you more, you should tell them that disobeying their mother is the same as disobeying you. If she has always been more indulgent, she needs your help as she changes the way she deals with them.


My wife has always been soft towards them because she was not brought up in a family with strict discipline unlike me.Scold a bit and she will tell me I scolded enough,time to stop.

So sometimes,I do get vexed if I roar at DD1 or DD2 for not complying,my wife will stand in my way and she happens to be on the receiving end of my wrath,the girls will question why I am doing that to Mommy.

Like I said,I hope not to receive any phone calls from my wife requesting SOS when I am finding my way around in a dusty savannah in Australia during the Sep period.

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Re: Who in your family guide the kids in their work?

Postby janet88 » Tue Jun 20, 2017 9:21 am

FishFingers wrote:My wife has always been soft towards them because she was not brought up in a family with strict discipline unlike me.Scold a bit and she will tell me I scolded enough,time to stop.

it happens on my side too. my parents have always been strict. i have been the bad guy from the day the kids are born. hubby grew up almost without control :slapshead:
thank goodness he goes to work, so he isn't in the way when i need to roar. but when he is at home, i don't care if i have to scold. i did tell him i will hand everything to him if he doesn't like me to scold. so if the kids don't behave, don't get homework done or the teacher asks to meet the parent for behavioural issues, he will have to take leave and meet the teacher. from then on, he clammed. daughter climbs on his head...when he cannot manage, he comes complaining to me and i'll tell him he asked for it.

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Re: Who in your family guide the kids in their work?

Postby FishFingers » Tue Jun 20, 2017 9:25 am

janet88 wrote:
FishFingers wrote:My wife has always been soft towards them because she was not brought up in a family with strict discipline unlike me.Scold a bit and she will tell me I scolded enough,time to stop.

it happens on my side too. my parents have always been strict. i have been the bad guy from the day the kids are born. hubby grew up almost without control :slapshead:
thank goodness he goes to work, so he isn't in the way when i need to roar. but when he is at home, i don't care if i have to scold. i did tell him i will hand everything to him if he doesn't like me to scold. so if the kids don't behave, don't get homework done or the teacher asks to meet the parent for behavioural issues, he will have to take leave and meet the teacher. from then on, he clammed. daughter climbs on his head...when he cannot manage, he comes complaining to me and i'll tell him he asked for it.


I thought since my wife is a school teacher,she should be better than me.

I mean if you cannot handle your own daughters,how can you handle your class of students?

I may not be the best parent but I guess the dictatorial nature of my job helps my wife when she gets into a fix with DD1 and DD2.

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Re: Who in your family guide the kids in their work?

Postby slmkhoo » Tue Jun 20, 2017 9:28 am

FishFingers wrote:My wife has always been soft towards them because she was not brought up in a family with strict discipline unlike me.Scold a bit and she will tell me I scolded enough,time to stop.

So sometimes,I do get vexed if I roar at DD1 or DD2 for not complying,my wife will stand in my way and she happens to be on the receiving end of my wrath,the girls will question why I am doing that to Mommy.

I know it's difficult for both of you to be suddenly in charge of kids, but for their sake, both of you need to come to some agreement of how you are going to handle it. Read some parenting books or articles, set the ground rules etc. As you are realising, having the good guy-bad guy system isn't going to work that well - it sets you and your wife in adversarial positions, and what happens when you are away? I think contradicting each other in front of the kids or having different standards put both of you in weaker positions.

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Re: Who in your family guide the kids in their work?

Postby janet88 » Tue Jun 20, 2017 9:33 am

FishFingers wrote:I thought since my wife is a school teacher,she should be better than me.

I mean if you cannot handle your own daughters,how can you handle your class of students?

I may not be the best parent but I guess the dictatorial nature of my job helps my wife when she gets into a fix with DD1 and DD2.

students tend to obey teachers more than their own parents. this could be one reason why your wife can handle a class. if your wife is not strict, daughters will tend to climb on her head. as your girls are reaching teenager stage soon, it may be necessary to establish ground rules.

my hubby is clearly tied around daughter's pinky...he doesn't say no to her...or perhaps he doesn't know how to say no.

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