How to handle a "vain-pot" gal?

Parental influence on children in the first 12 years of their lives have a permanent effect. Unfortunately, children come with no user manual. Each child is different from the other. Discuss how to handle emotional and educational needs of your child here.

How to handle a "vain-pot" gal?

Postby Admummy » Tue Mar 16, 2010 10:48 pm

My gal is getting more and more vain. Whenever she goes enrichment classes during weekends, she will fuss over what clothes to wear or whether the shoes match her attire, find matching hair clips, necklace, bracelet, etc.

My hubby blame it on me coz since my gal was a toddler, i would doll her up like a barbie doll...I enjoyed every moment of it. He said i cultivated her "vain-pot" characters...Recently, she even requested to her fingernails painted coz "they look yucky without shine" (apparently her CCC's mates painted their nails and she would like to follow suit).

I am at a dilema now..i thought her behaviour is normal as it's typical for gals to be conscious about their appearances right? But on the other hand, I'm also afraid my gal overdo it...what do you all think?

Admummy
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Postby Guest » Tue Mar 16, 2010 11:10 pm

I won't say it's entirely your influence only by dressing her up when she was young. Which parent does not want the child to look good? It also depends on her character and other forms of circle of influence like her CCC friends.

I too indulge in dressing my child when young and sometimes now but due to her own character and her current frame of mind of her own interests, she is not exactly so keen to pay attention in this area unless it is a special occasion. Also, sometimes I pressure her to go independent to mix and match it herself so she makes an effort but I am not promoting vanity, more of independence. So on the bright side, your child is exhibiting some form of independence.

Perhaps one way for you is to cultivate other hobbies and interests to divert this away from dressing up alone?

Also, if she is talented in dressing up and loves to turn this into a creative activity it may not be a bad thing. I remember watching on TV a girl who loves dressing up her Barbie dolls eventually became really good in designing clothes at a tender age of 12 or 13?

As for nail polish, explain the unhealthy aspects of it for a child. There is nothing wrong in wanting to dress up and be confident but must do it in a healthy manner. Nail polish is toxic. My child actually hates it and its smell, cried when she was asked to put it on. Once she was required to put on and the moment it was over, she insisted having it removed immediately because she preferred to see her healthy nails and detested the smell.
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Postby tree nymph » Wed Mar 17, 2010 2:55 am

admummy,

CCC = childcare centre?

Then your gal is below 7 yo? hmmm, i think that's a bit young to start nail polish. As for clothes and accessories, sometimes you may want to tell her less is more if she goes overboard...

tree nymph
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Postby MMM » Wed Mar 17, 2010 8:22 am

Sometimes i feel that whether vain or not is part of their character.

I've 2 daughters. One P3 and the other K1. The P3 is the typical tshirt and jeans type. She is not keen on beautifying herself and getting her to wear dress can be a challenge.

For the K1, she is just like your dd. She loves to wear beautiful clothes, shoes and also like to accessorise herself. Alot of people commented that she looks pretty as she has dimples so this probably made her more vain. It's funny because even my sil's hubby noticed that whenever she walk pass the mirror, she would stop, look at herself, fling her hair,etc.... those typical vain type.

But I am not stopping her. Not sure if it is due to tai jiao as when I was pregnant with her, I was surrounded by dressy colleagues in my office. :? Anyway, I feel that dressing up is a skill and a commitment. Reason being that i used to have a boss from HK and she is pretty and very dressy. She would put on her long eye lashes probably in her sleep???? I've never seen her "naked" face and always wondered if I will get a shock if I see that????

I am a typical dress down person. So I feel that there is nothing wrong if my K1 will eventually become the dressy type. It's not easy and not everyone can do that. Eg. me.

MMM
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Postby foreverj » Wed Mar 17, 2010 8:57 am

hi admummy

my dd is also like yours. erm, i m ok that she likes to wear dresses and look pretty. but i did tell her no nail polish when she asked me to buy for her. i told her that its for older girls. i tend to agree with MMM that dressing up is a skill not all girls have. so its better to have that talent cos its harder to teach. btw i m also a dress-down person.

for me, i remind dd that God looks at our hearts (on the inside) rather than our outward appearance. she's stil young, so i dun expect her to understand it completely. but i pray that with age and maturity and constant reminders, she wil realise that although its nothing wrong to want and like to look good on the outside, its more impt she grows up with a good and kind heart on the inside.

foreverj
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Postby kiddo » Wed Mar 17, 2010 9:05 am

Admummy,

If you and hubby feel it become a little excessive - you should try and distract her into other interests and also nail polish a little too young and
we will not want to encourage too much dolling up and hard to manage as she goes into school and sec school........may not necesary goes wrong but you need to know the child temperament and inclination.

Think at your gal age now you can still assert an influence on her :? Children usually like to copy what others do - especially if other comments about how nice you look , maybe also talk to childare teacher and discuss if it too young for kid to wear nail polish to CCC :shock:

My 2 cents worth....manage them when they are young..... :D

kiddo
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Postby LKVM » Wed Mar 17, 2010 10:04 am

These qualities are not there only in DD but also DS...

I have 2 sons hence I always make sure they are looking best... so my DS1 is very particular bout his dressings like matching pants shoes etcc.. obviously my DH says I did i spoilt him :P

But for DS2 he doesnt have any inclination towards dressing(though he is still very young)..

So actually it depends upon kids and not we used to do though it might affect little bit but not entirely :wink:

LKVM
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Postby foreverj » Wed Mar 17, 2010 10:06 am

lovekidsverymuch wrote:These qualities are not there only in DD but also DS...

I have 2 sons hence I always make sure they are looking best... so my DS1 is very particular bout his dressings like matching pants shoes etcc.. obviously my DH says I did i spoilt him :P

But for DS2 he doesnt have any inclination towards dressing(though he is still very young)..

So actually it depends upon kids and not we used to do though it might affect little bit but not entirely :wink:


wow ds1 must be mummy's pretty boy :)

foreverj
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Postby LKVM » Wed Mar 17, 2010 10:13 am

foreverj wrote:wow ds1 must be mummy's pretty boy :)


Yeah lor most ppl say he very handsome :oops:

LKVM
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Postby auntieM » Wed Mar 17, 2010 10:31 am

lovekidsverymuch wrote:
foreverj wrote:wow ds1 must be mummy's pretty boy :)


Yeah lor most ppl say he very handsome :oops:


envy.... ....

I feel that dressing aproppriately is important.
My friend dressed her son in seasoned Ben10 tee and shorts for a Ritz Wedding dinner :faint:

My DH and DS always wear same shirt.....one XS and one XL.
Once my DH asked me to wear the same too!

auntieM
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