Do you cane your child for serious wrongdoing?

Parental influence on children in the first 12 years of their lives have a permanent effect. Unfortunately, children come with no user manual. Each child is different from the other. Discuss how to handle emotional and educational needs of your child here.

Do you cane your child for serious wrongdoing?

Postby ThreeCents » Wed Mar 31, 2010 10:03 pm

For example, climbling very high up, and purposely throws food or drink on the floor.

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Postby tankee » Wed Mar 31, 2010 10:14 pm

No, I do not.

I practise "thinking corner" and it has worked well since he was a toddler.

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Postby ThreeCents » Wed Mar 31, 2010 10:21 pm

tankee wrote:No, I do not.

I practise "thinking corner" and it has worked well since he was a toddler.


What is "thinking corner"?

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Postby tankee » Wed Mar 31, 2010 10:28 pm

Something I learnt from the show "Super Nanny", she called it "Naughty Corner", I called it "Thinking Corner"

When the child misbehave, I will place him there to think ...

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Postby auntieM » Wed Mar 31, 2010 11:07 pm

tankee wrote:Something I learnt from the show "Super Nanny", she called it "Naughty Corner", I called it "Thinking Corner"

When the child misbehave, I will place him there to think ...


I do that to my DS since young too, and this 'corner' thing really works.
Now I just have to point and my DS will cry liao.. ..

For real unaccepted acts I do slap my DS. Must aim properly at lower cheek and not too hard... ..

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Postby cnimed » Wed Mar 31, 2010 11:10 pm

I don't consider these serious wrongdoings. That would be bullying, cheating, stealing. Climbing and throwing are part of growing up, experimenting and testing limits. Depending on the child's developmental stage, my role is to teach, prevent, deter and enforce. I have used the thinking corner, stern words, distraction, reasoning, but I've never had to cane for these.

I presume you have a toddler? What works depend on the child's temperament. My younger one doesn't stay in a corner, but he responds well to explanations and firmness. Get the child to look you in the eye, say no very firmly, explain it will hurt if he falls and he will need to be stitched up. (happened to mine, but he wasn't climbing) Tell him it's your job to keep him safe, and if he hurts himself he won't be able to go to the playground.

For throwing food , in my experience, it won't happen if the child is hungry enough. I must say that my toddler only did it once and that was because grandma insisted on feeding him his quota. I told him it was wrong, he had to apologise, and after that I excused him from the table. My kids are quote easy going with food - they love greens fruits raw veg etc - but when they do refuse a food, I never tell them they must
finish it. We keep meals simple, encourage self- feeding, and they leave the table when they think they are full. Whatever it is, don't turn it into a power struggle.
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Postby daisyt » Thu Apr 01, 2010 9:34 am

Yes, we also practise the "thinking corner" aka "naughty bench". Before super nanny, about 11 years ago, when dd was 3yo, we learnt from her Montessori teachers. They practised that in class. We also use the method of "take it or leave it" for eating habbits and "learn the painful way" for non life threatening misbehave act.

Our cane was simply for "frighten" purpose. Never came to practical used at all.

Now dd is older, we would talk sense with reasoning or stern/firm decision. I have heard of child at 16yo and 18yo, still got wack and slap. :(

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Postby tree nymph » Thu Apr 01, 2010 9:41 am

Yes, I will cane my kids if they are caught lying, hitting people, stealing, causing serious property damage or causing hurt to other people. I will consider this as serious wrong doings. But as the child grows older, we will reason with the kid and counsel him/her.

For my younger kids, i use the naughty corner or ask them to stand facing the wall when they are into mischief.

The one thing I will never do is to slap them, no matter how old they are, no matter how light the slap is.
Last edited by tree nymph on Thu Apr 01, 2010 10:01 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Postby winth » Thu Apr 01, 2010 9:58 am

:lol: I call that a 'Time Out' corner :lol:
Those are for the common michiefs.

There is a 'kneeling place' to face the altar when it comes to serious wrongdoings.

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Postby Guest » Thu Apr 01, 2010 10:05 am

Actually the method to discipline a child effectively depends on a few things put together:

1. The character of the child
2. The level of bonding with the child
3. The maturity of the child
4. Both parents must agree the method will work for the child

All 3 needs to be considered together before we can mete out the right approach to discipline the child and not adopt what is the general practice and follow suit.

If I ranked the above conditions, it would be (2), (1), (4), (3)

Bonding is very important. The stronger the parental bonding, the more effective the type of punishment or incentive. Even for bodily punishment it does not take alot to make a child fall in place but it will always be used as a last resort warning. Also, with bonding, even if you cane the child, there will be no resentment built-up in the child.

Then comes the character. Most children I would say are born with a stubborn streak. Sometimes it is something they cannot control at their age because it is a born attribute. Other characteristic would be a strong sense of pride that would not like to be hurt in any way. So if there is bonding that exists between parent and child, meting out physical punishment will not strain the relationship but without which, the child may build strong resentment in the parent. I have that experience myself as a child and now I see that in my child. Despite having the stubborn streak, the bonding with the parent allow us to see the benefit of the punishment.

Then comes the maturity part of accepting such a punishment. Below 5, I would not recommend using this method because they lack understanding of many things and even if they do, it is half-understanding. However, by 5, most things would have been told or warned. If they insist on maintaining the old ways....then the rod may not be spared. At that age, with bonding and better understanding, they will "appreciate" the punishment better. Also, at the right age, this kind of punishment need not go on for too long, likely a brief 1-2 years would be enough to serve its purpose. Also, with maturity and bonding, they can internalise the learnings effectively. Also, should the parent make a mistake in the punishment, the maturity of the child will excuse the parent for the mistake, all these with the backing of a strong bonding.

Certainly both parents must agree to this approach otherwise there will be a constant struggle between the parents debating if the child should be disciplined in this way.

To summarise, before using the rod, parent, please think of the BONDING factor, is it strong enough to make it an effective learning lesson?

Finally, just to share an incident I witnessed recently. A child was repeatedly defying the instructions of a father. In a flash, I heard a really loud *THUD* coming from their direction followed by a shrill cry of pain and shock, even the mum was shocked. The child just received a heavy blow on the back from the angry dad, impact strong enough to make an adult like me jumped up. The child just continued to hide at the mum's arm but I could sense the resentment build up in the child and the sobbing was loud. That was a strike of anger and the bonding appeared weak. The child was stubborn alright but appeared lack in maturity to really understand what hit. It took a long time to calm the child and the mum did not seem to agree to the approach as she was half calming the child and half chiding the hubby. So did you think that punishment was effective?
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