A boy who does not treat his work seriously.

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A boy who does not treat his work seriously.

Postby angela » Mon Feb 23, 2009 11:37 pm

Hi,

I have a friend whose son is in Primary 5 this year and next year, he will be taking his PSLE. She is having some problems with her son.

Her son whose handwriting is really very terrible. Always anyhow write and no one is able to read them.
He anyhow does his homework regardless of school homework or tuition homework.

He anyhow does his maths homework and when his mother checks his work, she almost faint, all wrong. When the mother sits with him, he can tell his mother how to do. His mother is really very headache and the CA1 is coming near. The mother is very worried of him.

This boy will play PSP over the weekends. Is it because of too much game? And the mother also thinks that all the children who born in the year of tiger all the same. Dun want to study, want to play, play, play!

Can anyone help this poor mother?

angela
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Postby schellen » Tue Feb 24, 2009 10:09 am

Lock up the PSP and use it as reward. But must be very firm and consistent. I think the mother maybe didn't lay ground rules and too lax in the beginning so now, her boy has "climbed over her head". It's not too late to change all this but it will be much harder since he is already in P6.

By the way, I am a tiger and I work much harder and am more diligent than my sis who's a monkey. I play hard too but I manage to strike a balance. So the mother must change her mindset too and not just blame it on horoscope/astrology and think her son is a lost case. Positive attitude will bring results faster and encourage her to keep to "new/revamped" ground rules even when her boy makes it extremely difficult for her.

schellen
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Postby ApronMama » Tue Feb 24, 2009 10:37 am

schellen wrote:Lock up the PSP and use it as reward. But must be very firm and consistent. I think the mother maybe didn't lay ground rules and too lax in the beginning so now, her boy has "climbed over her head". It's not too late to change all this but it will be much harder since he is already in P6.

By the way, I am a tiger and I work much harder and am more diligent than my sis who's a monkey. I play hard too but I manage to strike a balance. So the mother must change her mindset too and not just blame it on horoscope/astrology and think her son is a lost case. Positive attitude will bring results faster and encourage her to keep to "new/revamped" ground rules even when her boy makes it extremely difficult for her.

I agree with what schellen suggested. I learnt this from a talk given by Nanjing xin zhi primary school principal . He said in parenting, when the child is "sick", the parent needs medication and not the child. :lol:

ApronMama
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Postby H2O » Tue Feb 24, 2009 10:48 am

My son has the same problem. He is in P1 now.
I saw his school work last nite and found that he almost scored 0.

He is so sloppy with his work. Either he forgets to put capital letter and he just take some key words to answer the questions.
I nearly faint...

ANyway, I have given him a lecture...hopeful it helps. GIven he is just P1 now.

H2O
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Postby schellen » Tue Feb 24, 2009 11:23 am

H2O wrote:My son has the same problem. He is in P1 now.
I saw his school work last nite and found that he almost scored 0.

He is so sloppy with his work. Either he forgets to put capital letter and he just take some key words to answer the questions.
I nearly faint...

ANyway, I have given him a lecture...hopeful it helps. GIven he is just P1 now.


It's good that you keep an eye on his work. Besides lecturing him, you should also ensure that he knows exactly what he is being lectured about and why you are upset. Then, show him the correct way/expected way of doing whatever he has done wrong. You may have to repeat this a few times (I mean not in one sitting but a few occasions of him not doing it right) for him to finally get it right. Also, encourage and give positive comments that are specific. Not just, "Well done!" cos your son will think, "What did I do well in? The handwriting? The capital letters? Getting correct answers? Oh, well, never mind, I'll just anyhow hantam next time cos if I do that, sure to hit at least one target." You can then see why positive, specific comments will work better and faster. And don't overdo it or else your son will tune out your comments or get irritated by them.

Good luck! :D

schellen
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Postby H2O » Tue Feb 24, 2009 11:46 am

Thanks for your advice.

In fact for all the mistakes, I actually asks him to tell me why it is wrong.

He also acknowledged that he just want to do it fast so that he can submit the work and read his story book.

I promised to give me another 10 more min of story reading time at night.

H2O
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Postby winth » Tue Feb 24, 2009 11:52 am

schellen wrote:Also, encourage and give positive comments that are specific. Not just, "Well done!" cos your son will think, "What did I do well in? The handwriting? The capital letters? Getting correct answers? Oh, well, never mind, I'll just anyhow hantam next time cos if I do that, sure to hit at least one target." You can then see why positive, specific comments will work better and faster. And don't overdo it or else your son will tune out your comments or get irritated by them.


Have tried this complimenting method too! And it works great. Compliment a few times on the same thing, they will know this is good work done. And before you know it, it has become a habit for the child.

Even when I tell the child off, I will be specific in the mistake that is being made. E.g1. you should put capital letter and full stop at the beginning and end of a sentence. E.g2. Good effort for the key words, but you must make sure it forms into a sentence.

Sometimes my lecture is too lengthy/too complicated for boy to understand, usually he reflects this back to me with a blurred look. Then I'll question him and ask him what I said. If he doesn't know, I'm summarize in only 1 sentence what I want him to do. After that, I'll ask him again what I've said, which he'll translate it back in his own sentence. That way, you are sure he knows what went wrong.

winth
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Re: A boy who does not treat his work seriously.

Postby mummyoftwo » Tue Feb 24, 2009 9:10 pm

angela wrote:Hi,

I have a friend whose son is in Primary 5 this year and next year, he will be taking his PSLE. She is having some problems with her son.

Her son whose handwriting is really very terrible. Always anyhow write and no one is able to read them.
He anyhow does his homework regardless of school homework or tuition homework.

He anyhow does his maths homework and when his mother checks his work, she almost faint, all wrong. When the mother sits with him, he can tell his mother how to do. His mother is really very headache and the CA1 is coming near. The mother is very worried of him.

This boy will play PSP over the weekends. Is it because of too much game? And the mother also thinks that all the children who born in the year of tiger all the same. Dun want to study, want to play, play, play!

Can anyone help this poor mother?


I fully understand as my son who is in P3 is the same. Sometimes i wonder if it's a "boy" thing or what! Days like this makes me wish i can stay home and teach him more as by the time i am back, it's late. But what to do, have to work.....

I will be more patient and encouraging as what everyone but sometimes it's hard to control... It's hard being a mum....

mummyoftwo
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Postby angela » Tue Feb 24, 2009 11:18 pm

The mother implemented the rule that whoever did not do well in their test/exam/spelling, she will deduct the number of gaming hours but they are not happy.

The mother also kept the PSP away but when the father came back, the sons asked him, he will secretly take out and let them play. The father said that must let them relax, cannot push too hard.

The mother just asked his son's chinese workbook and all did not do properly and the teacher wrote many 'SEE ME' on the book. Look like this boy hates to read the questions and comprehension and so anyhow do his work.

Really headache!!!

Any suggestions to deal with this kind of children?

My sister-in-law is also facing this kind of problem. Her son also likes that, even skip the supplementary lesson and go to play in the school field. Always want to go downstair to play. When maid asked him to do work, he will scold her and even asked her to go back to her own country. Really angry rite? He chased away a few maids already. My sister-in-law also scolds him every time. She is going to give him up.

Help!

angela
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Postby heutistmeintag » Wed Feb 25, 2009 12:27 am

angela wrote:The mother implemented the rule that whoever did not do well in their test/exam/spelling, she will deduct the number of gaming hours but they are not happy.

The mother also kept the PSP away but when the father came back, the sons asked him, he will secretly take out and let them play. The father said that must let them relax, cannot push too hard.

The mother just asked his son's chinese workbook and all did not do properly and the teacher wrote many 'SEE ME' on the book. Look like this boy hates to read the questions and comprehension and so anyhow do his work.

Really headache!!!

Any suggestions to deal with this kind of children?

My sister-in-law is also facing this kind of problem. Her son also likes that, even skip the supplementary lesson and go to play in the school field. Always want to go downstair to play. When maid asked him to do work, he will scold her and even asked her to go back to her own country. Really angry rite? He chased away a few maids already. My sister-in-law also scolds him every time. She is going to give him up.

Help!


I think one reason why the children feel unhappy is that they feel they are being disadvantaged. If they had been playing all this while, taking the privilege away would certainly be deemed unfair. Implement a carrot and stick approach, score above 80% give them additional time! below 60% take away time ...etc

As for the PSP, hide it well such that the father do not know where. My wife has this problem with computer time for my kids too. I had to set password (especially administrator password) that even she does not know. She complains that I am too strict but I stick to my stand.

I think your nephew is going through a rebellious phase and his parents have to be careful. It's often easier to blame the kids for bad behaviour but we parents have to ask ourselves how much effort we are prepared to commit. My son went through a similiar phase last year (maybe not so bad behaviour but certainly starting to rebel) and I had to ask my boss for a work from home arrangement so that I could keep an eye on him. (It also meant that I had to put my career on hold). I also have to refrain from scolding him unnecessarily and losing my patience with him during the following few months. Things certainly got better and I just want to say this last piece. No one wins when you give the kid up and you just have to be patient to identify what motivates and inspires the kid.

Jia you!

heutistmeintag
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