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A boy who does not treat his work seriously.

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Re: A boy who does not treat his work seriously.

Postby csc » Wed Feb 25, 2009 8:59 am

mummyoftwo wrote:
I fully understand as my son who is in P3 is the same. Sometimes i wonder if it's a "boy" thing or what! Days like this makes me wish i can stay home and teach him more as by the time i am back, it's late. But what to do, have to work.....



mummyoftwo,

Well, I don't think it has anything to do with "gender". It's the attitude and habits that have been formed since young. That means, they can be changed or developed...(unlike gender)

You may want to spend more time with him , not just to teach him schoolwork but to help him form good attitudes and habits too.

csc
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Postby angela » Wed Feb 25, 2009 10:54 pm

heutistmeintag wrote:
angela wrote:The mother implemented the rule that whoever did not do well in their test/exam/spelling, she will deduct the number of gaming hours but they are not happy.

The mother also kept the PSP away but when the father came back, the sons asked him, he will secretly take out and let them play. The father said that must let them relax, cannot push too hard.

The mother just asked his son's chinese workbook and all did not do properly and the teacher wrote many 'SEE ME' on the book. Look like this boy hates to read the questions and comprehension and so anyhow do his work.

Really headache!!!

Any suggestions to deal with this kind of children?

My sister-in-law is also facing this kind of problem. Her son also likes that, even skip the supplementary lesson and go to play in the school field. Always want to go downstair to play. When maid asked him to do work, he will scold her and even asked her to go back to her own country. Really angry rite? He chased away a few maids already. My sister-in-law also scolds him every time. She is going to give him up.

Help!


I think one reason why the children feel unhappy is that they feel they are being disadvantaged. If they had been playing all this while, taking the privilege away would certainly be deemed unfair. Implement a carrot and stick approach, score above 80% give them additional time! below 60% take away time ...etc

As for the PSP, hide it well such that the father do not know where. My wife has this problem with computer time for my kids too. I had to set password (especially administrator password) that even she does not know. She complains that I am too strict but I stick to my stand.

I think your nephew is going through a rebellious phase and his parents have to be careful. It's often easier to blame the kids for bad behaviour but we parents have to ask ourselves how much effort we are prepared to commit. My son went through a similiar phase last year (maybe not so bad behaviour but certainly starting to rebel) and I had to ask my boss for a work from home arrangement so that I could keep an eye on him. (It also meant that I had to put my career on hold). I also have to refrain from scolding him unnecessarily and losing my patience with him during the following few months. Things certainly got better and I just want to say this last piece. No one wins when you give the kid up and you just have to be patient to identify what motivates and inspires the kid.

Jia you!


The problem with my sister-in-law is that she is the breadwinner of the house as her husband does not have a stable income to bring back home. My sister-in-law cannot quit the job to look after this boy. She also has another 2 more younger kids.

My sister-in-law is quite quick-tempered. She can get angry easily. Sometimes, i absolutely understand how she feels. She works so hard outside for the whole family but the boy is still very childish. The boy always thinks that his mother does not love him anymore, only love his two younger siblings. When his mother scolds him, he will complain to us and never know why he was scolded for.

Another disadvantage is when his mother is scolding him, his grandfather (mother's side) will side him. This made the mother really very hard to teach the boy.

Headache!
:cry:

angela
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Postby angela » Sat Feb 28, 2009 11:40 pm

Just now received my sister-in-law, her son received his chinese exam result. He only got 28 out of 100. :x

The mother is very angry and talked to him yesterday night but the boy just kept quiet and cried.

The mother wants to give him up.

Can anyone help his poor boy?

angela
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Postby mintcc » Sun Mar 01, 2009 1:28 am

hi angela, perhaps need to counsel the mum to not scold the child but to use other methods to teach him...not easy for a FTWM with 3 kids. Gaming can be a problem...may be in the weekends, can sent him to enrichment/tuition or only let him play after he finish revision?

mintcc
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Postby ali123 » Mon Mar 02, 2009 5:37 pm

My friend had the same problem but he resolved it by using China way. He told his son that he disowned him. His son was left outside the house for a while without daddy and mummy. After this punishment, his son "WAKE UP".... Cautious: Do it with care!!

ali123
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Postby angela » Tue Mar 03, 2009 12:09 am

ali123 wrote:My friend had the same problem but he resolved it by using China way. He told his son that he disowned him. His son was left outside the house for a while without daddy and mummy. After this punishment, his son "WAKE UP".... Cautious: Do it with care!!


The boy's mother tried before last year but no use. The boy was not scared. Last year, he played fire in his bedroom and accidentally caught fire on the curtain. Luckily, the maid found out and put out the fire immediately. Then, they scared that the boy would burn down their house, asked the boy to stay outside. Instead of feeling sorry for what he had done, he went downstair and played the whole day until his parents were back home. In the end, his grandparents stopped them from asking him out of the house.

This boy is not able so rebellion this year. He had done many mistakes but never change. So the mother is giving up on him and does not know how to handle him.

angela
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Postby jedamum » Tue Mar 03, 2009 12:14 am

Have the parent tried a heart-to-heart talk with the boy?
Academics at this point can wait. There is a need to connect with this young chap NOW. Keep him as part of the family first. 2 more years to go before Sec 1, when the real headache/peer influences begins.

jedamum
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Postby ApronMama » Tue Mar 03, 2009 9:22 am

mincy wrote:hi angela, perhaps need to counsel the mum to not scold the child but to use other methods to teach him...not easy for a FTWM with 3 kids. Gaming can be a problem...may be in the weekends, can sent him to enrichment/tuition or only let him play after he finish revision?


Besides that , can also try inspire the child, who is already P5, through some motivational talk, like the Adam Khoo free seminar. Let a third party, share with him his own real life story, which is very similar when he was in primary school, and wake up to study well eventually.

ApronMama
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Postby heutistmeintag » Tue Mar 03, 2009 11:08 am

Hi Angela

I believe the mom is desperate for help and does not know how to proceed. Would she consider external help?

If yes, she could contact Yong En. Check out http://www.yong-en.org.sg/?page_id=66 and read this http://www.yong-en.org.sg/?page_id=42

heutistmeintag
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Postby ali123 » Tue Mar 03, 2009 2:43 pm

Sometime a good friend may change him. This is a growing up stage. Nowaday, parent have to behave like friends in order to let our kids to listen to us. This is due to the education system here. There is no teaching about discipline, obedience, etc... The whole education system is focus on how to bring up our children to meet "their needs'' and then work for them...

ali123
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