Appalled

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Appalled

Postby Miracle Child » Mon Jul 13, 2009 8:23 am

Did not know what title to put for this topic....

My sis-in-law's brother has a daughter in one of the top school (sorry, I cannot name the school as I wasn't present to witness it). His DH is very intelligent and is one of the top students in school. Recently, he noticed that DH's moods changed....very temperamental, flare up easily, hit back verbally at her parents, etc. He and wife decidedly to have heart to heart talk with DH - DH broke down and said that she was bullied in class. Apparently, her classmates are jealous of her achievements and had tore up her drawings. He and wife decided to make a trip to the school to meet the prinicipal. Totally appalled (and thus the title) of the principal's reply - that this is nothing too shocking, that the parents should not be overly concerned, that his DH already in the best class in school with the top-notch students and which class does he want the school to switch his DH to. He replied "There is no need to switch class, we are switching school!"

Dunno what schools and our educators are thinking these days...something wrong with KPIs set.... :x

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Postby Guest » Mon Jul 13, 2009 8:54 am

Thanks for sharing. It is an interesting read.

Btw, DH=darling husband, so I believe you mean DD=Darling daughter.

Actually I like your SIL's brother's reply to the principal. So clear and succint! But do you know what is the principal's reply or reaction to that?

My read of the principal is that trying too hard to appease and assure the parents without understanding human emotions(EQ issue) plus the emphasis in that school is certainly academic with a real lack in character development. (KPI issue)
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Postby 3Boys » Mon Jul 13, 2009 9:01 am

Unfortunate if true. But before we dump on the school and principal, perhaps consider communication gaps that can occur in the heat of the moment?

3Boys
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Postby csc » Mon Jul 13, 2009 9:04 am

I notice this 'competitive" and 'selfish' streak prevalent in top students too in my daughter's class. The top girl was not happy that she was not the only one getting the gold medal. She also refused to share her knowledge for fear that someone would outshine her... Haiz..

Another top boy in the class always takes her stationery without asking and will just leave it on his own table, without returning. He accidentally destroyed the zip of my girl's pencil case (with sentimental value, a souvenir from her aunt) and there was not even an apology offered.

Another smart boy has a violent streak in him. She was often the target of his bully antics and last week he 'horse-kicked' her and that was the last straw. I had to report the matter to the form teacher. He was made to apologize to her in front of the class.

I used this as a learning opportunity to teach her to stand up to bullies.

But what APPALLED and SADDENED me is the breeding of a generation of smart but selfish children who simply put self above others and totally insensitive to the feelings of others. :!:

csc
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Postby flametree » Mon Jul 13, 2009 10:02 am

But what APPALLED and SADDENED me is the breeding of a generation of smart but selfish children who simply put self above others and totally insensitive to the feelings of others


i totally agree!! i'm seeing my 2nd girl age 14 turning into a selfish, only care about herself, regardless of others' feelings person. Once she feels that she is right, she will always wants things her way without consideration of the whole situation.

i'm at my wits end. wondering what did i do wrong or did not do enough. anybody with similar situation to advise????? Help!!!

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Postby 3Boys » Mon Jul 13, 2009 10:44 am

flametree wrote:
But what APPALLED and SADDENED me is the breeding of a generation of smart but selfish children who simply put self above others and totally insensitive to the feelings of others


i totally agree!! i'm seeing my 2nd girl age 14 turning into a selfish, only care about herself, regardless of others' feelings person. Once she feels that she is right, she will always wants things her way without consideration of the whole situation.

i'm at my wits end. wondering what did i do wrong or did not do enough. anybody with similar situation to advise????? Help!!!


I share your pain. I have an evolving situation at hand and so pass no judgement on how you have or have not raised your girl, and the following commentary is a general observation and not speaking specifically to your situation.

I do feel children take a cue from our behaviours. If we start moving houses just so that we can be near a school of choice, pull strings (or look for opportunities to do so) to ensure school entry, do everything in our power to ensure good grades, then the outcome is that kids think that as long as they do well in school, everything else is ok, including selfish antisocial behaviour. If parents behave like everything revolves around getting them into a good school and getting good grades, what do we expect our kids to think?

flametree, maybe its time to stand firm. 'No' is a powerful word, but only if you back up with actions. When my DS1 was 2 years old, he refused to get into his car seat and would wail. We would sit in the shopping mall carpark for up to 40 minutes enduring the stares of passers-by and racking up parking charges, until he gave up and surrendered to the seat. When it comes down to a contest of wills, parents sometimes need to show that they are willing to go the distance.

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Postby kiasiparent » Mon Jul 13, 2009 12:03 pm

I see nothing wrong with what the principal did. He cannot pinpoint the bullies out and punish them because as children bullies, most of them will remember your daughter and may plan a revenge on her.

The principal is most likely trying to reduce this problem. He offered to give your daughter a switch of class. I am sure this is not the first time that the principal is handling such a case.

I am assuming the principal is a guy.

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Postby flametree » Mon Jul 13, 2009 1:27 pm

hi insider,

so glad to see you r following this thread.. any idea what does your second sister do in order to "steer" her daughter away from being so self centred and b more compassionate - "not just as long as i'm right, i can care less!" attitude

from your own experience, should i "crash" with my girl whenever i see this side of her surfacing? when she was younger, i was more authoritative but now that she's into her teenage years, i've been adopting the "talk till i no saliva" approach - which my husband is absolutely against!

really appreciate your advice and thanks in advance.

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Postby csc » Mon Jul 13, 2009 1:28 pm

If I can choose wife for my son, perhaps one of the criterior will be not from RGSS coz they can't seem to make a good wife (don't stone me huh just my personal thinking). So the next possible thread maybe: "What make a good wife / husband?" as we have different expectations on this...


Ha...ha! Well, I can't control the kind of wife my son is going to marry. (But I have faith in him that he will choose someone who is submissive and respectful to him.. like his mum to his DAD :wink: )

But I think I can have a say or influence in what sec school my daughter is going to. The school she is going to must have values that are aligned to our family values. So even if the school is a top school but if the values and school culture are opposed to our family's belief system, we will not put her there.And my daughter is in total agreement with us on this matter.

csc
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Postby 3Boys » Mon Jul 13, 2009 1:30 pm

If one reads Dana Lam's posts, one could easily see where girls can draw their inspiration on being as authoritative and dominant as men.

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