Am I doing my ds a disservice?

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Am I doing my ds a disservice?

Postby BeautifulLife » Sun Dec 06, 2009 10:21 pm

Hi,

My ds is in P1 in a SAP school. The teachers that had taught him feedback that he is very bright and "easy to teach". A few of them even told me frankly that I am not doing enough to push him to be at his best.

His P1 this year, was a bliss. Very little homework from school(cos he finished up in school), no need to learn spelling, ting xie or CAs(their school has CA papers almost every other 2 weeks!), but he manged to score full marks every time. He got 5th in class with a score of 97%. My friends had recently been telling me if I had do work with him at home and help prepare him for SAs. he would have got much better results. But I feel that since he is doing well enough and has always been a fast learner, then no need to stress him with more work. I don't need him to do very well and am happy for him that his learning journey is an enjoyable and easy one.

My question is, is there anyone out there who are like me? Or am I doing ds a disservice? Anyone has kids like mine and cos they slacken in doing work at home, they did poorly in upper primary?

BeautifulLife
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Re: Am I doing my ds a disservice?

Postby ChiefKiasu » Sun Dec 06, 2009 10:33 pm

BeautifulLife wrote:Hi,

My ds is in P1 in a SAP school. The teachers that had taught him feedback that he is very bright and "easy to teach". A few of them even told me frankly that I am not doing enough to push him to be at his best.

His P1 this year, was a bliss. Very little homework from school(cos he finished up in school), no need to learn spelling, ting xie or CAs(their school has CA papers almost every other 2 weeks!), but he manged to score full marks every time. He got 5th in class with a score of 97%. My friends had recently been telling me if I had do work with him at home and help prepare him for SAs. he would have got much better results. But I feel that since he is doing well enough and has always been a fast learner, then no need to stress him with more work. I don't need him to do very well and am happy for him that his learning journey is an enjoyable and easy one.

My question is, is there anyone out there who are like me? Or am I doing ds a disservice? Anyone has kids like mine and cos they slacken in doing work at home, they did poorly in upper primary?


Dear BeautifulLife, if your son is able to get 90% of the great results he is having using just 20% of his time, it may take the rest of the 80% of his free time just to get that remaining 10% of the marks. Ask yourself if the additional effort justify the results. Or get him to indulge the 80% of his free time in pursuits that he really care about. The choice is yours to make, and his to live.

That said, do note that P1 to P2 is really the "honeymoon period". Reality sets in quickly when your child gets to P3. This is especially true for Chinese.

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Postby tutormum » Mon Dec 07, 2009 12:27 am

You are really blessed with an intelligent kid. I agree with what Chief has said. Your DS is actually like my DS3. I think it boils down to what you really want for him. Do you really want a scholar who has only academic achievement in mind? DS3 wanted to go to a top secondary school since P3. He knew this means that he had to work harder than what he had been doing in school. He was complacent though he knew he was capable of achieving his dreams. He had a very relaxing time in school and very little homework like your DS cos he finished most of them in school. He is a fast worker except that he is not perfect (he has very untidy handwriting :roll: ) Though I knew he didn't max out his potential, I choose not to force him to put in extra effort for his PSLE since I knew that he was capable of good results and getting into the top school was secondary. Instead of doing assessments after assessments to 'improve' his grades in hs school subjects, he chose to do other things like reading Reader's Digest, his brothers' secondary school textbooks etc and watching science and documentary programs (which is not bad for him either and in fact I think they do benefit him in the long run). Of course like any other kids, he plays computer games and surf the net. He's very well read and knowledgeable, but sadly it never translate to higher grades in school cos what he learns is out of the school syllabus. It may seems that I'm doing him a disservice, but I rather that he grows up enjoying his childhood and doing things that he likes. I rather that he learns on his own and is self-motivated than to make studying a drag by insisting that he follows what other children are doing - studying only what he learns in school and going from tuition A to tuition B to tuition C just to improve on his grades. I was happy that he managed an average of 80 - 90% and felt that there was no need to push it up and only worked on his Chinese which was in the 60 - 70 range. I rather he reserved his 'ammunition' for his secondary and tertiary education than to burn out in primary school. Some parents may not agree with me but I rather he worked at his own pace than getting into a top school and be pressurized and stressed out. Knowing your DS capabilities and potential, set your minimum expectations. You know what to do when he falls short. Our children have a long way to go in life, why make it difficult for them?

tutormum
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Postby Guest » Mon Dec 07, 2009 1:18 am

BeautifulLife wrote:My question is, is there anyone out there who are like me?


Image

*read the lips*

I can only say if a child has been advanced to get that kind of results, then there might be some cause for worry...which is why parents of such kids will constantly worry. The converse will be true too so you can figure out your situation.
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Postby EN » Mon Dec 07, 2009 7:43 am

BeautifulLife

Thanks for asking the question. It has been on my mind too as someone once told me that such a child should be enriched further. My ds is like yours. He's just in P2 going to P3.

Yes, I am enriching my child by following his lead (not mine). I am providing the resources and time for the things he is interested in like learning piano, reading for knowledge, drawing for pleasure etc. I just add a bit more like swimming as a boy must learn how to swim and cycling.

On his school progress, what I have done is to step in and fill in the gaps for some areas that I feel my child will lose out or will have the potential area problem in the future. For eg, his last mother tongue exam result, he has obtained 84 marks. I am pleased with his result. But on close scrutiny, how in the world did he do that? He can't articulate himself in that language. When I read to him, story books in 2nd language, he doesn't understand and I have to translate paragraph by paragraph of what I am reading. Big potential problem area will be oral exam and composition if I do not do anything about it.

For English, I am happy enough he has gotten his marks in the 90s. Again on close scrutiny, how did he managed to get such high marks. I uncover the way he tackles his grammar is like mine :oops: "Mummy, teacher marks my answer as wrong & told me the correct answer is as such. I don't agree with her answer because the sentence doesn't sound right." I agree with ds that the teacher has marked this question wrongly but I am not able to advise him why as the way I tackle grammar is just like him. This is another pittfall that I need to work on to eradicate potential issues in the future.

For math, again I am happy that it is a close to prefect score. The few marks lost is due to careless mistake like missing dollar sign in a working. Definitely, such mistake does not warrant more math practice workbook. Suffice enough to point out and ensure he is aware that such missing data will earn him less points. Another thing I uncover is my ds lack of self belief that he is able to do higher level math. In a math paper examination, there bound to be one or two math questions that are targetted at higher ability students. I uncover this when he approached me for help while doing his homework. Perfectionism sets in, he doesn't want to do without trying. Afraid of getting the wrong answer. I taught him to break down the question line by line, to seek understanding (he can draw or scribbles) while in process. I gave him a bit of self confident, for him to make the final step that he needs.

Science. He has not touch on this yet in school but will do so next year. I think he will do well on this too without my interference. But again, I will monitor his progress and look out for loopholes that will affect his learning ability in the future. I don't want him to end up like me, breezing through primary science & then struggle in secondary due to the lack of study skill.

Sorry this is a long post. I am not sure if your situation is like mine as every child is unique. Look back, you might see yourself in your child. I know that brilliant marks can be blinding. Like tutormum, I don't see the need to have my child pump more just to be perfect. Look out for potential loopholes and work on it. That will just take another 10% of the child's time. The rest should be free time to pursue what he really wants.

EN
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Postby ooptimizer » Mon Dec 07, 2009 8:38 am

Sometimes if you "forced" (enrich) your child too much, they may rebel and the output will be opposite to what you intended.

Since your child is quite intelligent, I will leave him alone but make sure there are plenty of books around. He will then be able to pick up them up himself and learn by himself. To able able to learn independently is a far more important learning skill.

If you start "énriching" him, he may then rely on you and you may have to enrich him for the next 12 years.

Only when he tells you he likes to learn X more, then you can consider enriching him in that area.

My humble opinion.

ooptimizer
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Re: Am I doing my ds a disservice?

Postby buds hubs » Mon Dec 07, 2009 9:18 am

ChiefKiasu wrote: Ask yourself if the additional effort justify the results. Or get him to indulge the 80% of his free time in pursuits that he really care about. The choice is yours to make, and his to live.

That said, do note that P1 to P2 is really the "honeymoon period". Reality sets in quickly when your child gets to P3. This is especially true for Chinese.


I agree with CKS.

IMO, kids in SG are pressured by the education system to constantly excel and
produce results. What happened to "Enjoying your childhood" ?? or is
there a childhood to begin with. I am proud to say that I enjoyed my childhood
and recall my good old school days doing the things that i liked and cared about.

As the saying goes, "If its not broken, dont fix it"..

buds hubs
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Re: Am I doing my ds a disservice?

Postby bitchymum » Mon Dec 07, 2009 9:43 am

buds hubs wrote:
ChiefKiasu wrote: Ask yourself if the additional effort justify the results. Or get him to indulge the 80% of his free time in pursuits that he really care about. The choice is yours to make, and his to live.

That said, do note that P1 to P2 is really the "honeymoon period". Reality sets in quickly when your child gets to P3. This is especially true for Chinese.


I agree with CKS.

IMO, kids in SG are pressured by the education system to constantly excel and
produce results. What happened to "Enjoying your childhood" ?? or is
there a childhood to begin with. I am proud to say that I enjoyed my childhood
and recall my good old school days doing the things that i liked and cared about.

As the saying goes, "If its not broken, dont fix it"..


This is so true .... I must keep reminding myself not to push dd too hard. Let her enjoy her childhood as our childhood is so short.

I have try to learn not to be stressed by other moms.

bitchymum
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Re: Am I doing my ds a disservice?

Postby tutormum » Mon Dec 07, 2009 9:54 am

bitchymum wrote:This is so true .... I must keep reminding myself not to push dd too hard. Let her enjoy her childhood as our childhood is so short.

I have try to learn not to be stressed by other moms.

Good for you. :lovesite: This is what Kiasuparents forum is for. Many a times we look around us and just cos the majority is doing the same thing, we thought we must be part of it. Your child and mine are unique and let's us follow our hearts and theirs to do what is best for them and not the other 90% thinks it should be. :love: :grphug:

tutormum
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Am I doing my ds a disservice?

Postby BeautifulLife » Mon Dec 07, 2009 10:11 am

Morning,

Thanks for sharing.
I had always been cool about academic grades all this while....until I realised I am surrounded by mummies who are total opposite of me.
Unknowingly, I had been influenced by them, I guess.
The truth is, it does feel quite worrying when I hear my friends yak about how many tuition and how much assessment books thier kids do daily. Thus I begin to wonder am I cultivating wrong studying habits on my ds. My biggest enjoyment being a stay-at-home-mum, is to bring my 2 ds to the beach, zoo, playground during weekdays when we really bond as a family. I guess the time spent doing all this fun stuff explains why my 2 ds are very close as a family.

I don't know is it due to him being in a SAP school, most of his classmates have numerous tuitions. The boy who got 1st in class, has 2 tuitions daily. I was wondering, he probably may get 3rd(at the worst, cos can see he is very intelligent) without alll his tuitions. So I started thinking, pushing these happy-go-lucky active kids so much just so that they can do extremely well, is it justifiable?

The joke is, I signed up my ds for arithmetic math this holiday in E&P despite me having said the above!wahaha. I really was getting very concerned with not doing anything for my ds. The teacher in this school feedback that ds is a very fast-learner and he actually have to "wait' for his fellow classmates to grasp the concepts. A few times, the teachers dismissed him earlier from the class cos he has done well and had finished his work. That said, please don't interpret it as my ds is very intelligent. Because I don't think he is very intelligent, just that he is a fast-learner and is very focus when learning. He doesn't know beyond what he is taught to know(in terms of academic), just that he picks up very fast whatever is thrown to him. His classmates has been exposed to fractions and P3 problem sums already. So as compared, ms ds is not as intelligent as them. In fact, quite behind. Haha.

This holiday class prompts me again. That's why am confused because it seems like my ds do not really need extra classes. I can leave him to be taught by his school teachers. But that would mean, he will probably be only an average student in upper primary cos his classmates are mostly so well-advanced.....

BeautifulLife
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