MrsKiasu's Home Sweet Home

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Re: MrsKiasu's Home Sweet Home

Postby sky minecrafter » Fri May 19, 2017 12:50 pm

MrsKiasu wrote:...dd's problem or my own problem? I will let go/give up/lose heart in pushing whenever I feel the reluctance...I think I should work together more with my dd.

Hi, agree with the other ladies... Think of it as a marathon; she runs you cheer her on. Ganbare!

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Re: MrsKiasu's Home Sweet Home

Postby kids_r_innocent » Fri May 19, 2017 4:01 pm

Dun give up, MK. It's a long journey but can take breaks at times la :lol:

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Re: MrsKiasu's Home Sweet Home

Postby MrsKiasu » Sat May 20, 2017 3:59 am

sleepy wrote:
MrsKiasu wrote:dd doesn't like to be pushed (who likes?) she has her wants (eg she wants to try new challenges, has target school etc) but problem is she has the difficulties when comes to putting in efforts.

Whenever she voiced out her wants/desires, I feel like it is my duty to help/guide her to help herself..but many times I will feel the frustrations of pushing a rock, which will result in me giving up/making U turn..


I feel the same way. I will try my best to help dd1 reaches her goals.

(Although a couple of her goals is actually mine but she already embraced as hers without realizing. Shhh... I'm not going to point that out to her :lol: )

I told her I do my part and I expect her to do her part too. I can show her where is the nicest pool and even bring her there but I can't swim on her behalf. An analogy lah :wink:

However my constant challenge is complacency. My dd1 is easily complacent. Chiong abit, feels very satisfied 自我感觉良好 then wind down liao. Not sustainable lor.

I think your dd1 and mine belong to the easily complacent type of pattern right?

My learning curve with dd1 over the years let me derived at the conclusion I cannot give her too many carrots otherwise not effective in managing her complacency.

Every time she underperformed (due to complacency), I would hear her proposal how she intends to turn the situation around. She has to take ownership of her own plan and make sure she executes it. NATO will not get her anywhere so not acceptable hor.

When she notices her unsatisfactory result, it does trigger her to chiong abit but very soon 自我感觉良好 again. Somehow we are always repeating this cycle. Can't break the loop leh. That's why her results yo-yo.

My learning curve continues.


dd probably doesn't have the push factor mainly due to no 'actual' push from us. maybe the lucky thing is she has her wants/dream school (but no leh, not my influence at all though I like all these secretly :razz: ) one thing positive of dd I find is that she wants to try. eg once we both feel so paiseh to even join something through school..dd got the form and guess what we registered as private candidate, so can imagine the gap between her current ability and her wants :smile: I will try to support her if she lets me and cooperate with me.

I will use those to encourage her/talk to her in hope to push her. .I told her maybe at this current marks, she will not even able to get into her own secondary school (I punched the calculator when we had a chat) etc etc..and she will say OK mommy, xxx (her name) will try my best to improve etc..and yes, her determination will get deflated real fast and I need to say same few things over and over again. getting lower than expected marks will almost never get any real punishment. this time round I got disappointed for few hours..then life goes on as usual..continue enjoy weekly things and post exam fun also..usually after this kind of episode, her resistance to study will be more relaxed..won't be too long but better than none lor :sweat: My learning also continues :lol:
Last edited by MrsKiasu on Sat May 20, 2017 4:34 am, edited 2 times in total.

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Re: MrsKiasu's Home Sweet Home

Postby MrsKiasu » Sat May 20, 2017 4:07 am

sky minecrafter wrote:
MrsKiasu wrote:...dd's problem or my own problem? I will let go/give up/lose heart in pushing whenever I feel the reluctance...I think I should work together more with my dd.

Hi, agree with the other ladies... Think of it as a marathon; she runs you cheer her on. Ganbare!


we did some questions together in a very relaxed mode last night. I siao or she siao or both are siao, from the questions we could joke and laughed till tummy bursting. talk more or do more? :sweat: :lol: :laugh:

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Re: MrsKiasu's Home Sweet Home

Postby MrsKiasu » Sat May 20, 2017 4:11 am

kids_r_innocent wrote:Dun give up, MK. It's a long journey but can take breaks at times la :lol:


thanks kri, so long as dd don't show much resistance, I will also enjoy the process..like me going back to studying also. quite a relaxing time for me.

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Re: MrsKiasu's Home Sweet Home

Postby sleepy » Sat May 20, 2017 7:19 am

MrsKiasu wrote:her determination will get deflated real fast and I need to say same few things over and over again. getting lower than expected marks will almost never get any real punishment. this time round I got disappointed for few hours..then life goes on as usual..continue enjoy weekly things and post exam fun also..usually after this kind of episode, her resistance to study will be more relaxed..won't be too long but better than none lor :sweat: My learning also continues :lol:


Haha, same here, there's no consequence for underperformance. I will analyse reasons for underperformance from my perspective eg. didn't do enough practice, didn't proactively clarify doubts. dd1 may or may not agreed with my analysis. She can give her opinion, tell me her reasoning and then propose how she intends to turn the situation around. We 开会讨论 :lol:
After that I do have expectation. I expect her to execute the plan she proposed eg. set aside 2 hours per week to study that particular subject, how she's going to approach that subject. Cannot NATO otherwise it will simply be empty talk. If that happens then I won't be too pleasant hor

I did the same thing with dd2 too. 开会讨论 But our meeting is not as professional as my meeting with dd1. Usually meeting with dd2 will end with me trying to persuade her to go tuition :please: and dd2 responding with :skeptical: :siam:

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Re: MrsKiasu's Home Sweet Home

Postby sleepy » Sat May 20, 2017 7:35 am

MrsKiasu wrote:dd probably doesn't have the push factor mainly due to no 'actual' push from us.

I think parents pushing is not anywhere as effective as child own self push
Child must be motivated to begin with. Otherwise if only push from one direction (parents) this add stress to child.
So I suppose your top priority is how to motivate her?


MrsKiasu wrote:so long as dd don't show much resistance, I will also enjoy the process

Why is she resisting study? Do you know why? Habit of being carefree?

Once you can overcome this resistance then it should be > 80% off your shoulder liao. The remaining <20% is to monitor progress from time to time because a motivated child is quite auto pilot leh

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Re: MrsKiasu's Home Sweet Home

Postby ammonite » Sat May 20, 2017 8:06 am

sleepy wrote:a motivated child is quite auto pilot leh


I don't quite agree with this. Want to is not the same as knowing how to. And knowing how to comes naturally to some and not at all to others in the various domains. this is where guidance is needed.

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Re: MrsKiasu's Home Sweet Home

Postby sleepy » Sat May 20, 2017 8:14 am

My definition of auto pilot is child will automatically complete school homework and whatever deliverables, keep track of exam dates and start revision ahead, without parents breathing down the neck. As to which resource books to use, priority of topics/subjects to revise, parents involvement is rendered, for primary school level.

I don't involve in these by secondary level except to drag dd1 to popular and ask her to pick her own resources. And of course we hold PTM (parent-child meeting :lol: ) to do post-test analysis on a need to basis if result is below median.
Last edited by sleepy on Sat May 20, 2017 8:22 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: MrsKiasu's Home Sweet Home

Postby ammonite » Sat May 20, 2017 8:20 am

Keeping track of dates, pacing and self revision are skills that not every child has. Some are naturally more organised, or have it instilled in them. Others are clueless and disorganised. They can start with the best of intentions and eventually end up not knowing what they are doing. To be honest, I think many kids do not know how to do real revision by themselves.

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