O Level Child: At my Wits end, need advise

PSLE marks the graduation of Primary school students and their entry into Secondary schools as teenagers. Discuss all issues about Secondary schooling here.
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ilovelaksa
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Re: O Level Child: At my Wits end, need advise

Post by ilovelaksa » Thu Mar 14, 2019 2:00 pm

vividlaurel wrote:
Wed Mar 13, 2019 4:57 pm
Thanks, everyone for the tips and advice!

Before anything, a disclaimer to anyone with children in ITE or they themselves from ITE or working in McDonald's. No offence to anyone, but I used that as an example with my child. Everyone is in a different position and here my intention was that the discussion should have shock value, which it did for me.

Update on DS - yesterday after he came back from school, I made him sit down and have a session with me. We were alone at home, so it kind of helped that he was able to be open with me and share. I also told him that this will be the last time I speak to him on this issue and if he feels he is adult enough to decide on his future, he can live with his decisions. If he does badly for his O levels, he either repeats it or goes on to ITE. Either way, he will lose his best friends because they will move on with their lives and perhaps have nothing in common with him anymore as their lives will be very different than his. If that happens, then he has to go out and earn a living. We as parents will provide him with a roof over his head, food when he is home and course fees (if he decides on ITE). For the rest, he has to earn his own living.

To be honest, I was a little ruthless and blunt in my assessment on what he will face should he decide that he will not focus on his studies this year. I dug out statistics of what ITE students made after graduation as well as what someone working at McDonald's made. Then I broke that amount down to show him what he can and can't afford (rent, food, transportation etc). I actually scared him by saying he can't live with aircon since he will not be able to afford it, never travel and his travel will be restricted to day trips to JB by public transport since he can't afford a car, plane travel will be just going to Changi and plane watching or if he becomes an aircraft technician, repairing planes etc. He broke down at this point. Also pointed out that if he marries and has children, his children will most likely be on FAS and he will be unable to provide more than the minimum basics for them.

Last week in his school, they had an external vendor to conduct study and motivation techniques. One of the exercises they did was a forced reflection similar to what I did with him. They had to imagine their parents old and frail and working because their children didn't bother to do well enough in school to support them. Many of the children actually broke down after this reflection, including DS. He cried when he remembered this and broke down completely! Actually, both of us were crying by the end of the session, and I did use some emotional blackmail with him!

I hope that this is the breakthrough I needed with him. We then spoke and he agreed to go completely cold turkey with his laptop, only using it over the weekends for an hour or so each time. For his phone, he said he likes to listen to music while studying and so I have agreed to let him keep it, as long as it is out of his sight while studying. We also agreed he can use his phone a while before bed. He also agreed to start working hard to reach the goals he needs to achieve in order to get into his course of choice later.

I hope this is not something he will do for a few days and go back to old habits. If that happens, I am going to let him bear the consequences of his actions. This is something that only time will tell.
Hi I let my son fail (S and U) for his J2 CTs and all the way to prelim. Cuz he was too bz to listen to me. After his prelim, he was so worried that he listened. He went completely cold-turkey with his hp, laptop and even listening music/watching tv. He lived like a hermit. His friends tot he ‘died’ After A levels, came back to his hp with 10000+ msgs.
I was so shocked his tutorials are all undone while packing them after his A levels.
Sometimes they just hv to experience failures to really learn and grow from them.
These days, he is advising his sibs to let Mummy lock up the hp, laptop and remotes during exams lol.

vividlaurel
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Re: O Level Child: At my Wits end, need advise

Post by vividlaurel » Fri Mar 15, 2019 4:22 pm

Icylin wrote:
Wed Mar 13, 2019 11:15 pm
I think O level is stressful for the child but this is just part of growing up. All the best to you and your kid
Thanks Icylin

vividlaurel
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Re: O Level Child: At my Wits end, need advise

Post by vividlaurel » Fri Mar 15, 2019 4:27 pm

ilovelaksa wrote:
Thu Mar 14, 2019 2:00 pm

Hi I let my son fail (S and U) for his J2 CTs and all the way to prelim. Cuz he was too bz to listen to me. After his prelim, he was so worried that he listened. He went completely cold-turkey with his hp, laptop and even listening music/watching tv. He lived like a hermit. His friends tot he ‘died’ After A levels, came back to his hp with 10000+ msgs.
I was so shocked his tutorials are all undone while packing them after his A levels.
Sometimes they just hv to experience failures to really learn and grow from them.
These days, he is advising his sibs to let Mummy lock up the hp, laptop and remotes during exams lol.
Wow! That was really drastic! But since it gave the results, guess this keeping away is something we all parents need to learn. Let them fail sometimes and then they learn! Thanks for sharing

hercules
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Re: O Level Child: At my Wits end, need advise

Post by hercules » Fri Mar 15, 2019 5:55 pm

vividlaurel wrote:
Fri Mar 15, 2019 4:27 pm

Wow! That was really drastic! But since it gave the results, guess this keeping away is something we all parents need to learn. Let them fail sometimes and then they learn! Thanks for sharing
My son's sec 4 prelim L1R5 was at 30+. When he showed me his results, I just told him calmly to just try to figure out what he could do with those scores if those were his actual O results (no mocking but matter-of-factly as mocking at that moment might been trying to rub salt onto wounds and that would not be helpful at all).

Within few months he improved more than 50% from that score by his own will (as I said, as long as not 'slow' type, still can buck up in those last minutes. Reading your post, it does seem like your son is not the 'slow' type but just maybe require some harder knocks that no one, other himself, has to go through).

Now my son is in his mid twenties + with very close bond with me (buys me dresses for my birthdays, cooks for me, still will crawl into my bed besides me to talk about his 'future', asking for tips on saving money, starting a family, planning for kids, etc). This has always been my bigger objective for parent-child relationships, that such should not be marred with the 'conflicts' of what to score for exams).

All the best to you!

vividlaurel
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Re: O Level Child: At my Wits end, need advise

Post by vividlaurel » Sat Mar 16, 2019 9:53 am

hercules wrote:
Fri Mar 15, 2019 5:55 pm

My son's sec 4 prelim L1R5 was at 30+. When he showed me his results, I just told him calmly to just try to figure out what he could do with those scores if those were his actual O results (no mocking but matter-of-factly as mocking at that moment might been trying to rub salt onto wounds and that would not be helpful at all).

Within few months he improved more than 50% from that score by his own will (as I said, as long as not 'slow' type, still can buck up in those last minutes. Reading your post, it does seem like your son is not the 'slow' type but just maybe require some harder knocks that no one, other himself, has to go through).

Now my son is in his mid twenties + with very close bond with me (buys me dresses for my birthdays, cooks for me, still will crawl into my bed besides me to talk about his 'future', asking for tips on saving money, starting a family, planning for kids, etc). This has always been my bigger objective for parent-child relationships, that such should not be marred with the 'conflicts' of what to score for exams).

All the best to you!
Great job by your son hercules! Yes, my son is not the 'slow' types, he just needs the kick in the butt which I hope I have now given him.


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